Learning from Nephi: Trial and Error

I hate not being perfect.

So, I know it's the plan and all, to learn by our experience, but, you know, sometimes it's just plain hard.

I have been sorting through some difficult decisions as of late. The kind where I feel like I *really* don't want to make a mistake (you know that kind, I'm sure, because we all have them). I *thought* I was heading in a good direction, but then I figured out that maybe it wasn't really the right direction. (Or maybe things had changed and I needed to try a different approach. But still, it can get frustrating to not feel like, "YEAH! This is IT!") It truly is a line upon line time in my life (you probably know what I mean there, too, because I think we all have those as well).

I have been studying Nephi a lot lately. Like reading and re-reading First Nephi. I even went to a musical during Education Week (thanks to my friend who had an extra ticket), and that got me reflecting on him all the more.

I've learned boatloads from Nephi (ha! no pun intended), but here I want to share what I learned this week. I learned that sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right.

And guess what? Maybe that's ok.

Nephi and his brothers were commanded to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates of brass. (A whole different post could be written on why they weren't able to get them before they left. The Lord indeed works in mysterious ways, and saving time and effort and reducing pain and struggle is not always His primary purpose for us. Note to self....)

Of course I need not let you know how many times I have read First Nephi. (Who hasn't? After all, it's the first chapter in a book we always recommit to reading, right? What's that joke about First Nephi being the most-oft-read book of scripture?...)

But this time, reading about the three different attempts hit me in a different way than it ever has. (I love the scriptures and how this happens. Often.)

The first two attempts to get the plates really failed quite miserably. The brothers were in physical danger, and ended up losing their property. Laman and Lemuel were not only ready to go back to their father; by the failure of the second attempt, they were angry, and started beating Nephi and Sam.

Yet another post (or many posts) could be written about Nephi's amazing patience, his faith, his reliance on scripture and on God's promises to ground him, and the extremely difficult commandment he was eventually given to kill Laban (and how he worked through his initial reaction and the repeated commands he was given). There are amazing lessons in all of these things (and more).

But for now, I wanted to focus on the message that came to me RIGHT when I needed it this week: That sometimes it takes trial and error to figure out what the right solution is. And that's okay. That didn't mean that Nephi was evil. It didn't mean that the Lord wasn't there. Perhaps it just meant that the Lord gave him room to try a few different things, to exercise his agency, to learn what worked in that situation and what didn't. And perhaps to learn to rely on the Lord all the more. Because of his faith, Nephi believed that in spite of his weakness, the Lord would guide and help him. And the result of that faith was that he gained some knowledge. He learned more about how God works. He learned that exercising faith is not a vain exercise. He learned a lot about why the scriptures were so important, and he probably learned a little about himself.

But not giving up, he figured out what was Right, and he probably learned a lot more along the way.

This little lesson has caused me to reflect, once again, on the fact that the Lord is there and the Atonement is there so that we don't have to be perfect on the first try. And even as we trust in Him, we won't always figure everything out perfectly, but we can get there if we don't give up and continue to trust in Him. He has given us space and the mercy necessary to learn from trial and error, if we will but "be faithful to him" -- to exercise our faith until we have figured out the next step. Sometimes that is all we will be given. One step at a time.

Lead, Kindly Light....
I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me.
(Hymns, #97)

Survey about the Ensign

Have you always wanted to give feedback about Church magazines, but just never known how? Right now they have made it really easy. Click here and fill out a survey about the Ensign. (Hat tip to Julie at T&S -- this was in their sidebar.)

Share Your Food Storage Ideas and Recipes Online!

This news story was interesting to read...people are using YouTube and other online vehicles to share about food storage, and people are paying attention. In fact, the Church's Public Affairs department has recently made a request that members share in this way. In these hard economic times, the principles of provident living can be helpful for anyone, regardless of their religious affiliation.

So, if you have some ideas, go find a way to share them!

p.s. You can see some of my food storage recipes here. (This is a site I created when I was emergency preparedness coordinator in my ward. Our ward was split, so that calling didn't last long. I haven't updated it in a while, so feel free to send me recipes if you have some you would like to share there. We could make it a group effort!)

Ideality vs. Reality

(I also posted this at Blogger of Jared, so you can send comments that way.)

As a trying-to-recover perfectionist, I will admit that it's always been difficult for me to process the ideal when I know that my reality is often so far from the ideal. I have spent a good portion of my life feeling like I am never enough. I have been known to have General Conferences end, finding myself feeling simply buried in my inadequacy. Actually, sometimes a whole lot less than an entire weekend of General Conference can do that to me.

I know I am not alone.

Sister Beck's talk has been the topic of conversation, again. That talk spurred more reaction that anything I have seen in my decade+ of online discussions about gospel topics.

I should say that loved her talk. I loved her boldness and clarity. I love the power of clear and pure direction that can help keep me centered in a world that is constantly shifting.

That doesn't mean, however, that I have always found it easy to hear all the things I should be doing to really be the kind of woman God wants me to be. There have been many times when I have sobbed from the pain of my imperfection. But I felt the Lord prepared me for this talk. He helped me know that He knew the specifics of my life, and that I didn't need to do all the ideal all at once.

The teaching about housework (which, if you look at it, was more about teaching and helping children grow and progress than about keeping a clean house for cleanliness’ sake) could have sent me in one of those spirals, but it didn't. Why? Because I had had some personal inspiration about how and why I could make some improvements. And because of that, I knew that God knew about my specific situation and frustration (health issues, a weakness in the cleanliness area, and great insecurity about these things). As such, I was able to take Sister Beck's counsel as just that -- counsel. The specifics of what to do about that counsel had already come to me from God, so I didn't need to beat myself up needlessly about my weakness and inadequacy and imperfection. I could just pick up from where I was and try to do better, in ways that HE showed me!

(Just for the record, my house is still often a mess, but the end result of a clean house is not my goal right now. The process is what I'm engaged in. "Progression, not perfection" is a new motto.)

That personal experience taught me a lot about processing ideals. I think it's really easy to feel like the exception, because in a sense, most of our lives are exceptions in one way or another. I want to ask, honestly and really and truly: How many of us really feel like our lives fit the ideal? By the show of hands?

I thought so. :)

Think about it. How many people do you know who got married just at the right time, to the perfect person; had kids in succession when they wanted them to come; had no health issues with themselves or their kids; have a family where everyone willingly goes to church never yells or fails at anything, where everyone grows up happy and united, where all are temple worthy and returned missionaries, etc. etc.

Whatever, right?

Sure, there are some few whose lives have gone pretty smoothly. (So far, anyway.) (Either that, or we really don't know what's really going on in their lives.)

I have talked to women who are divorced, who are trying to figure out how to have a marriage with men who have addictions and/or serious sins, who are single (I've been there myself, too), who want more kids and can't have them (that would be me as well), or who have more kids than they feel they can handle, who have other individual struggles that leave their lives significantly short of the ideal.... We all know these people -- or perhaps more likely ARE these people, living some less-than-ideal something.

As such, we all can feel the pain of unfulfilled or even shattered dreams, and sometimes can also feel neglected, either because we do often focus on ideals in the church, and/or because people use these ideals as measuring sticks for our worthiness or worth. Or worse, we use them on ourselves.

But guess what? That's not how things work. Or rather, that's not how the Lord works. And I think talks on "the ideal" can give us the opportunity to really learn what His love and help and mercy and guidance can mean and be in our lives...to really learn how to become.

Sure, we have ideals to strive for. We should be constantly seeking to improve and seeking to be changed. But that's the thing. We aren't supposed to be able to do it all on our own, all at once, or even all in mortality. If we could actually live the ideal completely on our own, how on earth would we learn how to turn to God and live, to let the Atonement actually do what it was fulfilled to do?

I have pondered Elder Holland's words from the most recent WW Leadership Broadcast, and I think they are ever-so-important to remember.

Now, I hope this helps you understand why we talk about the pattern, the ideal, of marriage and family when we know full well that not everyone now lives in that ideal circumstance. It is precisely because many don’t have, or perhaps have never even seen, that ideal and because some cultural forces steadily move us away from that ideal, that we speak about what our Father in Heaven wishes for us in His eternal plan for His children.

Individual adaptations have to be made as marital status and family circumstances differ. But all of us can agree on the pattern as it comes from God, and we can strive for its realization the best way we can.

We who are General Authorities and general officers are called to teach His general rules. You and we then lead specific lives and must seek the Lord’s guidance regarding specific circumstances. But there would be mass confusion and loss of gospel promises if no general ideal and no doctrinal standard were established and, in our case today, repeated. We take great strength in knowing the Lord has spoken on these matters, and we accept His counsel even when it might not be popular.

The very fact that he said this to me tells us how very AWARE they are of all of us in our less-than-ideal lives -- be we single, married, with children, childless, with healthy family relationships and fulfilled dreams or lives of utter pain and chaos. But that doesn't change the fact that they simply HAVE to keep focusing on the ideal, because otherwise that pattern could be lost in all the exceptions and the cultural chaos surrounding what family and marriage is vs. what it is supposed to be.

Sister Dew addressed this challenge at Women's Conference as well:

"In this audience are sisters coping with every situation imaginable. Some of you have never been happier. Others are grappling with unseen ordeals, weeping into your pillows at night, then putting on a brave smile and facing another day. I know. I've experienced both.

It is because of the range of our experiences that we as women can be a tough crowd. We sometimes pounce if a speaker doesn't say just what we want to hear. But here is the reality: We each have our customized opportunities to deal with disappointment, yet our disappointments don't change the doctrine....None of our lives are perfect, and neither are we. Nonetheless, in the spirit of not offending or overwhelming one another, it can be tempting to water down the message."

In the end, no matter where we are in life right now, our goal is eternal life, which includes eternal family relationships. But that doesn't come necessarily through ideal family relationships here. In fact, more and more, I think the challenge is to learn to accept the ideals without being paralyzed by them. To learn to let our imperfect lives and selves, painful as they are, turn us to God. To make the most of the life He has given us, be it close to ideal or far from it.

I believe God expects us to learn to turn to Him to figure out what it means to strive for the ideal as best as we can. Right now. We can do that, line upon line, regardless of what our specifics look like. He doesn't judge us in a vacuum against the ideals (which is sometimes hard to remember because that is how we often judge ourselves and others). He will take us wherever we are, and help us take the next step, if we will turn to Him.

I am coming to really feel that if I rely on the leaders to do all of that exception-managing and specifics-acknowledging for me, I am missing out on really learning to lean on Him. I believe our general leaders care deeply, and will continue to seek for ways to address a worldwide church while acknowledging how much variation there is in our lives. But that's the point. There is just too much variation for them to address at the level any of us really need for our pain and struggles! And I think it's unfair to expect that of them. The LORD is the Source of our customized counsel, and we will find more peace, power, perspective, and progress if we learn to take the ideals and turn to Him.

I say that with conviction because I am experiencing this in my life right now. I feel that one thing the Lord is teaching me in my less-than-ideal life, with my imperfect self, is that when I choose to really turn to HIM for that support I sometimes wish I had for my specifics and exceptions (from leaders or others).... Wow. I have had some really powerful experiences lately that have helped me know that HE IS THERE and that He can help me see specific guidance in the general principles that are taught by prophets, both ancient and modern. I don't need to hear my specific situations and struggles addressed to learn how to process the ideal in my less-than-ideal reality. That's not always easy, but it's an exercise in faith that is helping me grow and feel His love and power in amazing ways.

The Savior sacrificed His life so that I don't have to beat myself up with ideals. When I hear the Lord's servants teaching the ideals, I am learning to remind myself that they aren't beating me over the head, either. In the end, they are inviting me to take the ideals and then take my less-than-ideal life and self to God and see what He wants me to do now to keep pressing forward steadfastly toward the ideal -- an ideal that will only be possible through the Savior as I turn my life over to Him.

Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life.

-Pres. Ezra Taft Benson (Ezra Taft Benson, “Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Tambuli, May 1977, 20)

Tribute

Grandma passed away yesterday, peacefully, finally. I'm grateful I was able to see her last year. I'm grateful that she is done and her suffering is over, but I am sad that I will no longer be able to talk to her or see her in this life.

Following is something I wrote today, in response to my father's request for remembrances of Grandma.

I am grateful for the legacy Grandma has left -- for fun memories, for the love and treasure of family, and for her faith and testimony that will stay with me for the rest of my life, and beyond.

Fun: When I think of Grandma, I think of Grandma and Grandpa's house, and of course, that means fun times. I think of fun memories of vacations to California, of family reunions, of the joy of being together. There was never a shortage of activities, music, food, and good time together. I remember a fun-filled week when just my sister and I got to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house, to be the center of her attention. Our extended family has FUN when we are together, and Grandma opened her home and heart to facilitate the fun.

Family: When I think of Grandma, I think of the importance of family and of love. I always knew Grandma loved me. Even as distance meant that we didn't see each other often, she did things to express and show her love. She celebrated us on birthdays and other special occasions, wrote cards that I still have and treasure. She came to my wedding. Whenever we did see her, she always showed us her love through her actions and her words, showed us that family matters to her. I will always treasure sitting next to her last year, seeing her smile as she could hear the sounds of little ones around her, and seeing how much she wished she had more to give, wished that she could see and really be part of all that was going on. Oh, how she loves her family!

Faith: Perhaps most importantly, when I think of Grandma, I think of faith. I remember (and still have) a little lavender book of Bible verses given to me when I was baptized, with her firm and vibrant testimony written lovingly within. I remember Grandma and Grandpa's mission and the faithful letters they sent, and my mission and the faithful letters I received (all written by Grandma, if I recall). More recently, I remember watching her fulfill her calling as chorister while visiting her ward, even as the effects of age were obviously taking their toll. Through the past few years, she has not been afraid to talk about how difficult getting old has been, but I have seen her endure with patience and with faith. In one of my last moments with her last year, I gingerly fed her spoonfuls of yogurt and tried to communicate the love and honor that we feel as her posterity. She humbly and simply turned the praise to God, recognizing His love and goodness. Even now, as I recall that moment, tears come to my eyes, and my heart fills with gratitude for this good and faithful woman whom I am blessed to call my grandma.

God be with you 'til we meet again, Grandma. I love you.

That Amazing Book, The Book of Mormon

There are certain things about my belief as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I wish I could package and share with others. Of course, I know that that would defeat the purpose of life for others -- after all, we each have to learn from our own experiences, to find our own way, to come to know God and truth and light on our own. But wow. If I could package how I feel about The Book of Mormon.... There really aren't words to describe it all. But I will say this.

It's not just a bunch of words on a page.
It's not just a history, although I believe it is that.
It's not something that will be discovered through the intellect alone. The Holy Ghost is key to really loving it and understanding it and knowing it's true.
It is, like the Bible, a book of scripture, with the purpose of teaching about the Savior, Jesus Christ, and about His Father, our Father in Heaven.

For me, The Book of Mormon is, simply put, a source of life and light and truth and power and help and guidance and clarity.

It is amazing. It is true. It is of God.

I sometimes am speechless at its depth. We sometimes joke about reading something and thinking, "Was that there before?" but that really happens. A lot. The more I turn to that book for guidance about my life, my specific challenges, my relationships, my struggles, the more I find how amazing the book is. 2 Nephi 32:3, 5 tell us that

3 ^aAngels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, ^bfeast upon the ^cwords of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will ^dtell you all things what ye should do.

• • •

5 For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will ^ashow unto you all things what ye should do.

Reading the words of Christ opens up my mind and heart, lights my path, and brings the Spirit into my life. Whatever the words on the page may not say, the Spirit can fill in -- personalized messages and guidance from God for me and my life. The combination of the two, the words of Christ in the scriptures and the guidance of the Spirit, mean more to me than words can say. I cannot imagine facing the challenges of life without these two blessings.

The book is true. It is from God. It is a key way that He can speak to me and to you. If you have not discovered this amazing book for yourself, I invite you to do so. Seek for God's guidance as you read. Seek for His Spirit. You may not have a lightning-bolt experience. Some do, but for me, it's all been a drop-by-drop kind of thing. It took me years -- lots and lots of 'drops' -- to really come to the point when I could say, "I know it's true!" We each have to learn how God communicates with us and testifies to us of truth. (And it sometimes takes time to learn to trust that process.)

But you can come to know, as I know, that it is true. The book was written for us by ancient prophets, inspired of God. They were commanded by Him to write and protect the record so that it could come to us in these, the latter days of the earth before the Lord Jesus Christ comes again. The book is His book. It testifies of Him and helps us come to know Him better, and can help us come to Him as we follow its teachings.

Oh, how I love The Book of Mormon!

A Quote to Chew On (more "Hmmm")

My husband pointed this quote from Elder Christofferson out to me (given years ago), and it is something I have been mulling over for the past few days. I thought I would share it.

I think this ties into a discussion going on at Segullah blog (hence the Hmmm part of the title of this post -- see Justine's title). Is it possible that we might 'ask for it' when we think we are ready for growth, or even ask to develop a character trait (and then discover that trials come)? I tend to think that the trials in our lives really are (or at least can be) these kinds of opportunities for spiritual growth -- not as evidence of how awful we are (although we all are fallen -- there's a difference!), but as evidence of God's interest in our eternal progression (and of the fact that we really can't comprehend His ways or His thoughts). I suspect that what feels like the ultimate of difficulty or betrayal or trial to our mortal brains really would take on a different meaning in the eternal realms and if the veil was lifted from our minds.

So anyway, to me, it seems that Elder Christofferson is saying that if we ask how we should improve, we might (or will!) be shown how we need to! And that might leave us shaking in our boots if we were to know what might be required. Just before being called to the First Presidency, then-Elder Eyring came to our stake and said something similar. He invited us to ask for guidance on how we could improve, but then warned us to be ready to do what was asked. I can't help but wonder if sometimes the 'answer' to such questions could come in the form of trials.

Even when we don't deliberately ask, I do feel that trials come as the Lord sees we can handle them. I think they also come into play in ways that we can't see or comprehend, as our lives really are all intertwined. We often think so linearly, in time and also in experience ("x must have happened so I could learn y") when in reality, I think the broad view and the Eternal Now of God means to me that nothing can possibly be that simple. Therefore, in theory, I don't think we should be afraid of confessing the Lord's hand in all things, even our trials. In practice, I know that is a whole different ball game.

Since we are told that we won't be given more than we can handle, it seems to me impossible to deny that God is involved in some way in every aspect of our lives, even if that means to sit back and let the stuff of life unfold and happen as it will sometimes, without miraculous intervention that we might desire at the time.

I dunno...I'm just mulling thoughts over in my head. I'd be interested in yours. (It might be good to add comments over at Segullah -- I don't want to take away from that discussion. But this quote was too long to include over there, and I have wanted to share it for a while anyway, and here I can sort through some of my thoughts a little more. Just more mulling and musing. :) )

During that Last Supper with His Apostles, the Savior said:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.

“Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit” (John 15:1–2).

What form that purging may take, what sacrifices it may entail, we probably cannot know in advance. But if with the rich young ruler we were to ask, “What lack I yet?” (Matt. 19:20), the Savior’s answer would be the same: “Come and follow me” (Matt. 19:21); be my disciple as I am the disciple of the Father; become “as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [you], even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19).

President Brigham Young spoke understandingly of our challenge when he said:

“After all that has been said and done, after he has led this people so long, do you not perceive that there is a lack of confidence in our God? Can you perceive it in yourselves? You may ask, ‘Brother Brigham, do you perceive it in yourself?’ I do, I can see that I yet lack confidence, to some extent, in him whom I trust.—Why? Because I have not the power, in consequence of that which the fall has brought upon me. …

“… Something rises up within me, at times[,] that … draws a dividing line between my interest and the interest of my Father in heaven; something that makes my interest and the interest of my Father in heaven not precisely one.

“… We should feel and understand, as far as possible, as far as fallen nature will let us, as far as we can get faith and knowledge to understand ourselves, that the interest of that God whom we serve is our interest, and that we have no other, neither in time nor in eternity” (Deseret News, 10 Sept. 1856, 212).

Surely we will not be one with God and Christ until we make Their will and interest our greatest desire. Such submissiveness is not reached in a day, but through the Holy Spirit, the Lord will tutor us if we are willing until, in process of time, it may accurately be said that He is in us as the Father is in Him. At times I tremble to consider what may be required, but I know that it is only in this perfect union that a fulness of joy can be found. I am grateful beyond expression that I am invited to be one with those holy beings I revere and worship as my Heavenly Father and Redeemer.

Helping My Visiting Teachers Help Me

I was sort of dreading their visit. I mean, I've had a very difficult month (few years), and I was a little bugged that they hadn't been there. (One of my visiting teachers knew I had shingles, so it wasn't all about ignorance of my situation.)

But let's be honest, here. We do hear stories about people who are in tune just at the right time, and call just when you need it. And sometimes those people are the visiting teachers. Such stories are real and wonderful, but there are also times when our desperate pleas to God for someone to come aren't answered as we want them to be. Sometimes we just feel alone, with needs unknown, and that is hard.

In an ideal world, we'd all be so in tune that we would just know whenever the people in our circle of influence needed us.

But the fact is, that often doesn't happen.

It probably doesn't help that I'm the type who just keeps trying to keep on going, even when I might feel like I'm holding on by the skin of my fingernails. (Anyone else like that?)

Still, one thing that my struggle with chronic illness has taught me is that I can't expect people to read my mind, or to always be the ones to take the initiative to be an answer to my prayers and my needs. Make no mistake; I have had people there "just when I needed them" -- but many of those times, I have had to ask for their help, let them know I needed them.

This is what I did yesterday.

We started with the usual niceties, the 'how are you's and all of that. I tried not to be annoyed, but I was. (It's hard not to expect perfection when you are feeling needy.)

But good grief, one of the women doesn't even know me (and it goes both ways -- I couldn't have called her by her name yesterday...had forgotten it...and still can't remember her last name!) Our ward boundaries were recently changed, and she's got family calling situations that mean she's often not in church, so we really haven't gotten to know each other at all...let alone to have her know me enough to know when I'm not doing well, or even to pick up on the cues that I was trying to give. (We sometimes play dumb games with each other, don't we?)

Sooooo, once I got my kids in another room, I opened up. No, the fact that I had an x-ray on my foot scheduled later that day (the way I started the visit when they asked how I was) was the least of my concerns. I didn't tell them everything; sometimes the details aren't really necessary. But I did tell them point blank that things are hard for me right now. And I figured that since they are my visiting teachers, if anyone should know, it should be them.

Of course, the next question was, "What can we do to help you?"

"In a sense," I said, "there isn't anything specific you can do for me. I already have help with my kids in the mornings, which is my critical, tangible need so I can sleep [which I need to be able to function at all]. But sometimes it just helps to be able to go to church and have someone know that the usual 'how are you' as you pass in the hall isn't always going to be enough. It helps to have a few people in my world who can ask, 'How are you really?' and take the time to actually listen, and not be caught off guard if I burst into tears right then and there."

It wasn't in so many words, but that was the crux of it. And, you know, I think they were grateful that I would let them know. We simply can't expect those who are supposed to nurture us to figure it all out on their own. I am finding that there is no reason we have to wait for people to appear just when we need them. We can invite them in when we do, and I find that almost without exception, people are there, ready and willing to help where they can. And as I open my heart to others, it hastens the process of honesty, love, and service that allows hearts to be knit together.

So, if you happen to be in one of those times when you are pouring out your heart to God, wondering why no one is coming to your aid, considering praying about whom you can invite to aid you. I have found that there are blessings that can come from opening ourselves up in this way.

Service Opportunties: Family History and Spanish Indexing

I was just perusing Mormon Times and saw these two opportunities. One is to help with family history work at the BYU library and the other is to help do indexing in Spanish (they have processed 72 million family history names, but haven't had the response that they had hoped for to help get them entered). If you haven't signed up for indexing, it's easy! And it's the kind of service you can do in spurts. All you need is an internet connection and a computer.

Sooo, if you live in (or can easily travel to) Utah county and have 8 hours a week to spare, or especially if you can read Spanish, your help is really needed!

Thank You, Joseph Smith

Today is the anniversary of the martyrdom of Joseph Smith. I wanted to write a post to pay tribute to him.

It wasn't until my mission that I had a specific testimony of the prophet's divine call. That testimony was something I had desired for years. I knew he was a prophet because I knew the Book of Mormon was true. But as I taught people about the First Vision and saw the change in their countenances, and felt the Spirit as I taught, I gained my own testimony that he saw what he said he saw, and that he did indeed restore the true church of Jesus Christ to the earth.

I have since had other experiences that have strengthened that testimony. I visited the Sacred Grove where he was visited by God the Father and Jesus Christ. I was deeply moved when I visited Liberty Jail while living for a summer in the midwest. Later, I walked the streets of Nauvoo, reflecting on all that transpired in that great city of Joseph, the city beautiful. I saw his gravesite, his home. I attended church in the city. My spirit was sobered as I stood in the room at Carthage where the prophet and his brother were martyred. I stood in the place where the Church was organized in this dispensation.

I have also been moved by artistic expressions of faith. Music of the restoration such as Joseph Smith's First Prayer, An Angel from on High, The Morning Breaks, The Spirit of God, High on the Mountain Top, We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet, and many, many others, have brought the Spirit in a powerful witness that the restoration is real! The movie that the Church has made about Joseph Smith filled me with the Spirit, and with gratitude for his devotion and sacrifice. I also came to see him more as a person as well as a prophet by watching that film. Other church films, particularly those on the Church History collection, have become favorites as I watch them over and over again with my children, and we feel together the power of the Spirit bearing witness that Joseph Smith was indeed a prophet, and that this Church is true!

Recently, I attended a performance at the Salt Lake Tabernacle. called Joseph Smith, the Prophet. (If you go to byu.tv and download the Move Media player, you can watch a rebroadcast of the program that I just found out was shown today at 4 p.m. MDT.) What an amazing tribute! Music has a way of stirring my soul perhaps unlike almost anything else, and this was a presentation that reinforced my conviction that Joseph was called of God.

Even my current reading of an historical novel series from the time of Church history is strengthening my testimony of the prophet.

There are frequent quiet moments of personal study when the Spirit bears witness to my soul that what Joseph restored is real. I thrive on the feelings of light and truth that come when I feast on the words of God as they come through the scriptures and through living prophets and other inspired leaders of God in general conference messages. I repeatedly marvel at the simplicity of the gospel and its ability to change lives as I read the testimonies and experiences of people in our Church magazines. (My kids know that I can't read to them from The Friend without tearing up.) This is especially refreshing in contrast to the often unnecessarily complicated conversations that occur online, or are spurred on by enemies of the Church. Reading our Church materials helps me remember how simple it all really is. The Lord has said we should have faith like a child. Even a child can feel the truthfulness of the gospel, perhaps sometimes more than adults. (We sometimes want to make things harder than they are!)

Speaking of children, mine are like spiritual sponges. I love teaching moments in Family Home Evening, family scripture study, and just in those fleeting times during the day when the Spirit nudges me to take advantage of a chance to teach and testify. Even in a brief interaction, the Spirit can confirm to me that what I believe really is true. I see the light in my children's eyes and lives, too, as they are learning -- and coming to love and recognize the light and truth in this work. It's not that they don't have questions -- they do! But they are learning that we can find answers to many questions by trusting God and His prophets -- and that when we can't, we can trust that someday we'll understand. The key right now is to be faithful to what we do know, so we can learn and receive more -- and someday be received by the Lord.

I'll never forget my son's first experience with his testimony of Joseph Smith. It was Joseph Smith's birthday, and I think we watched a church video to celebrate it. He described the way he felt as something over 6,000 blankets (I can't remember the exact number) surrounding his heart. He's now nine, but he still clearly remembers that moment two and a half years ago.

There are few things that I love to do more than study and talk about the gospel. The gospel is the most important thing in my life. It brings light, joy, peace, and understanding to my life. It brings strength and perspective to me in my roles as wife and mother. It helps me in times of trial and fear. It helps me understand who I am, why I am here on earth, and a little of what awaits in the life to come.

When I set out to write this post, I wasn't sure what I would say, but now I realize that all that I love about the gospel reinforces my testimony of Joseph Smith. I am so grateful for what he did and for who he was.

The angel Moroni [who gave Joseph the plates that would be translated to be the Book of Mormon] once said to Joseph that his "name should be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues, or that it should be both good and evil spoken of among all people." I find that happens even within the Church, and surely without.

No matter. While some voices will always seek to defame him, I testify that he was and is a prophet of God. He stands at the head of this dispensation, a stewardship given him by the Lord Himself. I know that through him, the true Church of the Lord Jesus Christ was restored, with all its necessary authority, ordinances, and doctrines -- all that is necessary to bind us to Christ and make possible the eternal blessings of salvation and exaltation.

"Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it." (Doctrine and Covenants 135:3)

Dear Brother Joseph, someday I hope to be able to thank you face to face for all you did to bring forth the marvelous work and a wonder that is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will be eternally grateful for your life, your faith, your courage, your integrity, and your willingness to do all that you were asked to do, even in the face of opposition and even death. I love and honor you as a blessed servant of God.

Helping Our Children Stay Pure

This article is very sobering. I believe we as parents have a huge responsibility to try to control the content that comes into our homes, and try to keep a close finger on the pulse of their activities and friends outside the home.

But in the end, as a former bishop of ours said, "We can't just put them in an armored car. We have to help them put on the armor of God."

The only way I can really think to do this, to help my children know how to protect themselves, is to teach them doctrine, clearly and constantly and consistently and completely. One of my favorite quotes is from Pres. Packer:

True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.

The doctrines surrounding chastity are essential: Our bodies are sacred. The power of procreation is sacred and wonderful, but has strict commandments surrounding its use. Sex plays a central role in the plan of God. We are being tested and bombarded on all sides with the adversary's attempts to corrupt and undermine the plan by corrupting and twisting truths about chastity and all that law is meant to protect.

Also from Pres. Packer:

The plan of happiness requires the righteous union of male and female, man and woman, husband and wife. Doctrines teach us how to respond to the compelling natural impulses which too often dominate how we behave....

The single purpose of Lucifer is to oppose the great plan of happiness, to corrupt the purest, most beautiful and appealing experiences of life: romance, love, marriage, and parenthood.

When we read this Daily Herald article, we decided to have a clear discussion with our children about these things. While they still don't fully understand the "mechanics" of sexual intimacy, (and they didn't want a discussion that was too long :) ) they are coming to understand the doctrine. They know that keeping themselves pure is about keeping the Spirit with them. We hope as we continue to teach the doctrine, and keep an open dialogue about these sensitive topics, that they will be able to put on the armor of God and have the power within to resist the temptations that will inevitably come.

Shingles! (of the non-roof type) and Thoughts on Enduring Well

Yup. That may explain why I have been feeling so yucky as of late. The rash appeared after a couple of weeks of the yuck (more than my usual yuck). This will come out sounding almost unkind, but I'm grateful that my sister-in-law had shingles a month or so ago, because I then knew that you have to get diagnosed early in order to take the antiviral drugs. (Tender mercies coming via other people's trials? Yeah, I think sometimes it works that way!) I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the residual effects will be minimal.

Thanks to all who have expressed concern and support the past while. I find that chronic illness brings with it layers of opposition; it can affect one spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially, and, of course, physically. Adding this acute illness has on one level been a blessing (at least I could point to some reason why I was feeling worse!) but also a sort of added level of trial. It's been hard not to want to just say, "Can't I have a BREAK?" :)

But, you know, life isn't all about the stuff of life, about getting things done. It's about facing opposition with grace and faith, about enduring well. That's where I am. That's what I am working on.

I can't imagine facing the trials of life without an understanding of the plan of salvation, of the Atonement.

Trying to comprehend the trials and meaning of this life without understanding Heavenly Father’s marvelously encompassing plan of salvation is like trying to understand a three-act play while seeing only the second act. Fortunately, our knowledge of the Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement helps us to endure our trials and to see purpose in suffering and to trust God for what we cannot comprehend.

Revealed truths reassure us that we are enclosed in divine empathy. As Enoch witnessed, we worship a God who wept over needless human misery and wickedness (see Moses 7:28–29, 33, 37). Jesus’ perfect empathy was ensured when, along with His Atonement for our sins, He took upon Himself our sicknesses, sorrows, griefs, and infirmities and came to know these “according to the flesh” (Alma 7:11–12)....

The Apostle Paul spoke from considerable personal experience when observing that “no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous” (Heb. 12:11). You and I are not expected to pretend chastening is pleasant, but we are expected to “endure it well” (D&C 121:8). Only afterward is “the peaceable fruit of righteousness” enjoyed by those who “are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:11). But what demanding calisthenics!

Moroni said that only “after the trial of [our] faith” do we receive certain assurances and blessings (Ether 12:6). Taking Jesus’ yoke upon us really does help us learn of Him as we personally experience His special love for us (see Matt. 11:29). We also come to appreciate more His meekness and lowliness.

- Elder Neal A. Maxwell

In my recent post about "digging deep," I wrote rather vaguely, but these are the types of truths I have been mulling over. As a person who has always tended to thrive on 'getting things done,' for the past several years, I have had to learn more about 'enduring things well.' I know I'm not a special case with this exercise; I believe we all, at some point or another, will have our heart- and soul-stretching trials.

...President John Taylor said he heard the Prophet [Joseph Smith] say, "You have all kinds of trials to pass through, and it is quite as necessary for you to be tried even as Abraham, and other men of God. God will feel after you, he will take hold of you and wrench your very heartstrings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Kingdom of God (Journal of Discourses, 24:197)" (Harold B. Lee, Conference Report, April 1963, p.88).

Have you felt your heartstrings pulled, stretched, even wrenched? When we feel pushed to the limit, it's an opportunity to deepen the roots of faith, to remember the eternal purposes of God, to remember that if we endure well, eternal blessings can be ours.

...[P]eace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. (Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8)

This is what I am working on -- deepening those roots, trying to endure well what for me is a difficult time.

The restored gospel not only teaches us why we must be tested, but it makes clear to us what the test is. The Prophet Joseph Smith gave us an explanation. By revelation, he was able to record words spoken at the Creation of the world. They are about us, those of the spirit children of our Heavenly Father who would come into mortality. Here are the words:

"And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them” (Abr. 3:25).

That explanation helps us understand why we face trials in life. They give us the opportunity to prove ourselves faithful to God. So many things beat upon us in a lifetime that simply enduring may seem almost beyond us. That’s what the words in the scripture “Ye must … endure to the end" (2 Ne. 31:20) seemed to mean to me when I first read them. It sounded grim, like sitting still and holding on to the arms of the chair while someone pulled out my tooth.

(Hehe. That is such an image, and describes how I sometimes want to react to my trials. Apparently, I'm not alone.)

It can surely seem that way to a family depending on crops when there is no rain. They may wonder, “How long can we hold on?” It can seem that way to a youth faced with resisting the rising flood of filth and temptation. It can seem that way to a young man struggling to get the training he needs for a job to support a wife and family. It can seem that way to a person who can’t find a job or who has lost job after job as businesses close their doors. It can seem that way to a person faced with the erosion of health and physical strength which may come early or late in life for them or for those they love.

But the test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us. We have that clear understanding because the restored gospel makes the plan of happiness so plain.

Then-Elder Eyring reminds us in this talk that we simply can't do it alone. Trials give us the opportunity to turn to God for strength beyond our own (the talk is entitled, "In the Strength of the Lord"). Even as I type, I am reminded of the need to seek His help and strength more, to take times like this as an opportunity to deepen my faith and expand my experience with the power of the Atonement.

There. I feel better already.

If you feel like sharing, I'd be interested in hearing what scriptures, quotes, etc. help you hold on and hunker down when life gets hard and your faith is tested.

"[Radical] Feminism has betrayed an entire generation of women...."

[I added the bracketed qualifier because I don't want to be misunderstood as dismissing all of feminism as a whole.]

This article is well worth a read...written by the daughter of an icon in radical feminism. I loved how she concluded the article:

Yes, feminism has undoubtedly given women opportunities. It's helped open the doors for us at schools, universities and in the workplace. But what about the problems it's caused for my contemporaries?

...I believe feminism is an experiment, and all experiments need to be assessed on their results. Then, when you see huge mistakes have been paid, you need to make alterations....

I am my own woman and I have discovered what really matters - a happy family.

I appreciated how J. Max Wilson (to whom I owe the hat tip) tied the article into what Pres. Eyring's article said this month in the Ensign. I also appreciate his comments about the sacrifices of his mother. My mother made similar sacrifices, and I believe her choices will have positive influence and impact for generations to come. We are so fortunate to have the leadership of prophets who lead us in the path to eternal happiness.

I am struck by articles like this one that resonate with what the prophets teach -- that the most important things we will do in this life (and, should we add, in the next) will be related to family.

Digging Deep

It's been a hard couple of weeks. I alternate between feeling like I can't press forward, and deciding that I simply must, and must do it well. Being a mother has never meant more to me than it does now - I'm feeling more focused, more intent, more desirous to give these kids more of me, more of my heart, more of my life. I suspect it is significant that this intensity of desire comes parallel to -- no, intersecting with -- the intense opposition coming from circumstances and from my own internal struggle.

It's at times like these when I feel, almost physically, the roots in my soul thirsting to go deeper -- roots of faith, roots of endurance, roots of trust in God and His Big Picture. I'm feeling the work, almost as though I am literally digging through the rocky soil that is common where we live. More layers of a hard heart to be broken? I feel it has softened over the years, but it's all too easy to harden it again in self-protection, in retreat, in fear, in hopelessness, in feelings of entitlement of wanting life to be easier, cuz you know, sometimes it just hurts and sometimes it's just hard.

Hm. This makes me think of Elder Lund's talk from this past general conference (which I was thinking about earlier tonite, before thinking about writing this post, and which my husband was listening to as well). Hm.

In his talk, he says:

[T]he condition of our hearts directly affects our sensitivity to spiritual things. Let us make it a part of our everyday striving to open our hearts to the Spirit. Since we are the guardians of our hearts, we can choose to do so. We choose what we let in or hold out. Fortunately the Lord is anxious to help us choose wisely.

There are so many ways I close my heart. I have felt that gate open and close much through the past few weeks. I'm going to ponder this more, because I need the roots in my heart to be deep and strong and firm, and that will only come through the Spirit as I open my heart in spite of the hard stuff.

Reflections on Sacrifice

I have considered writing a post about my current struggles with health, with the unknown, and with the anguish of having my personal desires conflict directly at times with my circumstances. It's one of those times for me where I am having to dig deep into my reservoir of faith to face my fear of the unknown (and the known). It's a time when "Thy will be done" seems almost more than I think I can say.

But then I just 'happened' to read this post and was reminded of what can help me through this difficult time. It's not just our religion that demands sacrifice. Life itself presents opportunities, personalized paradoxes, that can test us to the core, Abraham-like.

Go read it. It's one of those posts that takes my breath away.

Another M&M!

I read a blog post today that gave some tips on blogging. At the end of his post is a list of different Mormon blog aggregators. (I didn't realize there were so many!) I thought I would check out one I hadn't seen before, and see who was there. There were many familiar blogs, and many that weren't. I was surprised to find my blog there (sometimes you have to request to be part of an aggregator site).

All the while, I thought I had a clever and unique enough handle, but it looks like there is another M&M on the blogck (that spelling was intentional, but it doesn't really work, does it?) -- and her name is Michelle, too. Whooda thunk. :)

If you ever wonder who is who, I don't have any graphic design talent at all, and it appears this woman does. It appears she even did a web design for Nancy Turner, who wrote a book I really enjoyed (and I'm not much of a novel fan). I thought that was cool.

Anyway, once in a while a random blog post is fun, right? I just got a kick out of that. But I thought it might also be good to point out that that M&M is not mullingandmusing me. :)

Carpy Diem, or A Pet Covereth a Multitude of Sins?

I am first on the list to receive hand-me-downs from a nice woman in my former ward. I have sheets and toys and books and a stack of writing and spelling papers that should keep my kids more than busy this summer. She was the reason my kids had lots of presents to open at Christmas.

Recently, she called saying she had an aquarium that they needed to get rid of. Would I want it? My impulse was to say no. My husband's impulse was to say no. But I didn't say no. I stalled, saying we would call her back. I forgot (hubby out of town and migraines will do that to me), but she kindly followed up. I decided I'd go see it.

I made the mistake (?) of taking my kids with me. Need I say more?

Seriously, though, I think part of the reason I stalled is because I really was tempted. You see, we will never have a dog or a cat. N-e-v-e-r. (OK, not never. I told them they could have a dog when they had their own house!) But you know, my kids are kids and a pet is something kids like, and I know that and have always felt a little bit of mommy guilt about it.

So in a way, I kind of wanted to do this for them. My husband finally capitulated when I told him he could name the 7-inch goldfish that came with the aquarium. His choice? Carpy Diem.

And so we are carpy dieming it. (And, hey, it was free -- paraphrenalia and all!) We now have a bubbling aquarium in our family room. It actually looks pretty cool, and I love the soothing sounds it produces. We also have an algae-sucking something-or-another with a long name I can't remember. My kids call it cheetah (hubby calls it Leppy -- for Leopard, you know, to go with Carpy.)

I tried to ignore my husband's hesitant stares as we set it up (and try not to think about how much I don't want to have to clean it), because my kids were bouncing-off-the-walls happy. The littlest drew a picture of the water and the fish. She said the prayer at dinner and thanked Heavenly Father that we have a fish, "even though Mom said we could never have a pet." She went to sit by the aquarium after dinner.

As I tucked the little one in, I asked her her favorite part of the day (our nightly ritual). She said "Getting the fish." Ah, redemption?

"Except it's kind of boring becauase we can't hold it."

Oh, well. I tried.

(Anyone want an aquarium? Just kidding....)

Good News Reflections on a Bad News Day

As much as I like rain, the grayness and dreariness of the day has matched the grief I have felt as hard, sad, heartrending news has come.

I woke this morning to an email that dear friends from our former ward lost their son last night. He was in his twenties, I believe. Fortunately, his dad made it to be there when he died; the son had called saying he wasn't feeling well. Although he had had health problems, his death was still a surprise. Our hearts ache with this family, who has had major health trials with more than one of their children, including heart transplants and life-threatening cancers.

Not a couple of hours later, I got a phone call informing me that a member of our family -- someone my age -- was just diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. (I still can't stop thinking of that disease as one tied to old age.) He has five children, including one who was born just months ago. Lots of unknowns sit there and will continue to exist as they wait to see how this all unfolds.

At times like these, I have to stop and reflect on the plan of salvation. I can't imagine facing trials like these, even vicariously, without the knowledge of the gospel. I have a hard time believing that life would seem so senseless and random if I didn't know that:

• God is real and loves us.
• God knows what is happening in our lives.
• Trials don't mean He doesn't love us.
• Trials can help us grow, and can help others grow.
• Our lives are interconnected. We never know how others' lives can be touched and changed by trials in our lives. (I think we will be astounded at how interconnected everything really is, both in the present and throughout generations...after all, past, present, and future are all Now to God.)
• As much as we should try to do our part with things like health, financial smarts and planning, preparedness, etc., in the end, we are not in control. Our lives are not ours. They are in God's hands. ALL of our lives are in God's hands.
  
• Opposition is necessary, as is death.
• There is life after death. We will all be resurrected because of the Savior, Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.
  
• Family relationships can continue after death through the ordinances of the gospel.
• The measure of happiness is not all dependent on what happens in the short span of mortality.
• Life and relationships are precious.
  
• If we are prepared (especially spiritually, but in other ways as well) we don't need to fear. (And if we feel fear, we need to summon faith, for they cannot coexist.)

I know God could have saved our friends' son. I know he could heal our family member. But His thoughts are not always our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. But I know that God is perfect, loving, and completely trustworthy.

I have a saying vinyl lettered on the inside of my pantry door. It says: "Trust and Let Go." I can only do my best and then I need to let go and let God.

The good news of the gospel is my anchor that helps me in times like this. It helps me as I reflect on and face my own health challenges and the unknown that is still associated with them. Times like this cause me to reflect on What Really Matters, and on living my life so that if God were to call me (or any of my loved ones) home, that I would be ready for whatever happens.

As a friend of mine says, "Life is hard, but with the Lord, we can do hard things."

The gospel, the good news, is true. I am grateful for that knowledge. I mourn today with those that mourn. I weep for their pain, and for mine. But I rejoice in their faith and hold onto my own. God will not forsake us. He loves us. And because of His Son, all things can come together for our good if we love and trust God.

"The Female Half" of the Plan

I listened to the rebroadcast of the 2008 BYU Women's Conference yesterday (nice way to pass the time while on the couch with a migraine! And now today, I am writing to pass the time with another migraine. Ugh.)

Migraine notwithstanding, I was overcome with the power of the talks. (It wasn't just the migraine that drained me yesterday -- I felt the Spirit so strong that it both filled me and drained me at the same time -- you know what I mean?) (If you have the chance, go to byutv.org, download the Move Networks player, and go back to Friday's Women's Conference. For whatever reason, Thursday's programming doesn't load, but I'm hoping they get that figured out soon.)

Sister Beck was the first speaker on the second day of the conference. Wow, oh, wow. I love this woman. I love what she teaches. She is a woman for our time. I feel so strongly that we need her leadership, that we need to really listen to what she teaches and let it change our hearts and lives. I wanted to capture a few of the things she said.

"We, the women of the church...and of the world have half the plan, the female half to take care of....If we don't do our part, no one else is going to do it for us. We can't delegate it, we can't pass it off to anyone -- it's ours! We can refuse it, we can deny it, but we are still accountable for it. And there will come a day when we will remember what we promised before we were born....How will we account for our half, for what we did with the privileges we were given?...

...We know that we have priesthood keys and revelation and that there is an order in all things and how the lord's work is done. And that half of the plan was given to our brothers, and we support that. The half of the plan that creates life, that nurutres life, that causes growth, that influences everything else, was given to us. And influencing is ever so much mmore long-lasting than managing. The keys are given to help us manage it all correctly. One half is not more important than the other half. ...He couldn't do his work without both.... We help each other with our part of God's work. [She then reads Moses 1:39 and explains that work, that we are ALL part of this work!]

"Our brothers in the priesthood have the same work, they have different ways of operating. We share the same work -- we're helping each other accomplish the Lord's work."

You can see patterns in what she has been teaching (I love looking for patterns in what we are being taught!), even in her short time as General Relief Society president. One of these patterns is that women have an important work to do. We have heard this taught consistently by our leaders -- that this work is different from the men's work -- but equally important. Do we believe that? Do we embrace these truths?

Elder M. Russell Ballard said:

Free and open doctrinal discussion is important in gospel scholarship, but remember that most things have been put into place by God and simply are not subject to change. The doctrines and principles of the Church are established only through revelation, not legislation. This is God’s plan; we do not have the prerogative to alter or tamper with it.

Our task is to integrate the principles of the gospel into our lives so that our lives will be in balance. When our lives are in balance, before you realize it your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm that your Heavenly Father loves you and that His plan is fair and true and we should strive to understand it and enjoy living it. (M. Russell Ballard, “Equality through Diversity,” Ensign, Nov 1993, 89)

Embracing the doctrines regarding our divinely different roles is something that has brought great joy, perspective, balance, and understanding into my life. It's why talks like these make me want to stand up and shout!

Sister Beck is certainly not the first to be teaching these truths. Myriad quotes exist on this topic. I will include here only three.

Elder Ballard said:

Even though men and women are equal before God in their eternal opportunities, they have different, but equally significant, duties in His eternal plan. We must understand that God views all of His children with infinite wisdom and perfect fairness. Consequently, He can acknowledge and even encourage our differences while providing equal opportunity for growth and development.

Our Heavenly Father assigned different responsibilities in mortality to men and women when we lived with Him as His spirit sons and daughters….

Both men and women are to serve their families and others, but the specific ways in which they do so are sometimes different. For example, God has revealed through his prophets that men are to receive the priesthood, become fathers, and with gentleness and pure, unfeigned love they are to lead and nurture their families in righteousness as the Savior leads the Church (see Eph. 5:23). They have been given the primary responsibility for the temporal and physical needs of the family (see D&C 83:2). Women have the power to bring children into the world and have been given the primary duty and opportunity as mothers to lead, nurture, and teach them in a loving, spiritual environment. In this divine partnership, husbands and wives support one another in their God-given capacities. By appointing different accountabilities to men and women, Heavenly Father provides the greatest opportunity for growth, service, and progress. He did not give different tasks to men and women simply to perpetuate the idea of a family; rather, He did so to ensure that the family can continue forever, the ultimate goal of our Heavenly Father’s eternal plan.

Elder Bednar said:

By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11). (David A. Bednar, “Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Ensign, Jun 2006, 82–87)

President Kimball said:

Our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences—with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and the priesthood—but the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord. …

Remember, in the world before we came here, faithful women were given certain assignments while faithful men were foreordained to certain priesthood tasks. While we do not now remember the particulars, this does not alter the glorious reality of what we once agreed to. You are accountable for those things which long ago were expected of you just as are those we sustain as prophets and apostles!” (Ensign, Nov. 1979, p. 102.)

One of the most interesting and powerful themes I see in Sister Beck's messages is that of influence, particularly the power and influence women have if they embrace their God-given responsibilities as nurturers of God's children. If you go back and read her talk from the fall, the concepts of power and influence are the glue that pull all of her teachings together. That use of the words underscores the parallel roles we have as women to the 'power and influence' of the priesthood. Fabulous.

She pointed out an interesting phrase in Alma 30:18, talking about how Korihor, an anti-Christ, was "leading away the hearts of many...yea, leading away many women, and also men...." She paused and asked why this may be. The way she read the scripture was as if the men were secondary, not the ones who were most led away. (I think this is particularly interesting given the dominance of males in the scriptures, so I think she has pointed out something potentially significant.) She then noted that "if you lead away all the 'influencers' away down a wrong path, it might make a difference....We are up against a deceitful and determined enemy."

That reminds me of something Sister Sheri Dew once said, in her famous "Are We Not All Mothers?" talk (so when she talks of motherhood, she's talking of this role of being 'influencers' not just the role of those who have children of their own):

Have you ever wondered why prophets have taught the doctrine of motherhood—and it is doctrine—again and again? I have. I have thought long and hard about the work of women of God. And I have wrestled with what the doctrine of motherhood means for all of us. This issue has driven me to my knees, to the scriptures, and to the temple—all of which teach an ennobling doctrine regarding our most crucial role as women. It is a doctrine about which we must be clear if we hope to stand “steadfast and immovable” regarding the issues that swirl around our gender. For Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle can rock his earthly empire. And he knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail.

Interestingly, the whole idea of being "steadfast and immovable" is something that is being repeated a lot, too. It was even part of the title of Sister Beck's first RS talk.

Ah, there is so much more. She talked about how we can protect ourselves and our loved ones against the evil and deception that is rampant in our day. She read many, many scriptures (asking the audience to hold up their scriptures) and used them as a foundation for her teaching. She reminded us that For the Strength of Youth is a measure of how we are fortifying ourselves (think Alma 48) and our homes and families. She reminded us to point ourselves and those we have responsibility for homeward -- to point them to our own homes, to the temple, and to our heavenly home.

I love the vision and perspective and clarity of the teachings of the gospel that can help me focus on what really matters in my life. With all the voices that can confuse us as women, I am particularly grateful about inspired leaders who teach of the divine order of things, and of our eternally-important role in God's eternal plan.

Here's my recommendation: Go listen! :)

Church Issues a Response to California Court Decision

You can find a story about it here.

Walking on Eggshells vs. Hearts Knit Together?

My comment over at Happy Meets Crazy got too long, so I made it into a post.

Thanks for a thoughtful post. I wanted to add another layer to this conversation.

I am one who has children, but has wanted more. For health reasons, that has not been right for us. And it is a pain I carry almost every day, something I struggle with, wonder about, hope we are making the right choice with (because for us, this is a choice we are having to make, not a choice made for us...and that is hard in and of itself...to be able to conceive but not feeling right about doing that).

Anyway, there have been times when an announcement of a pregnancy has ripped through my heart, and tears have come. I feel I am more empathetic to these trials of infertility that I ever was before. Having also been single for a decade of my life while friends and family married and became parents, and people sometimes asked why I wasn't married, I understand that side, too. I don't ever want to say something that hurts someone else with this tender topic.

But I don't believe avoidance of the topic is always the answer, and indeed, I think sometimes that can be an unfair expectation, a barrier to healthy relationships in and of itself. As with everything, there is a balance, I think. I would not want people to avoid talking to me about the joy of their pregnancy or infants just because they know I have ached for another baby. And if they *don't* know about my pain, might it be that I am partly to blame for not opening up a bit of my heart?

I think we all need to be sensitive, but I have come to believe that those of us who struggle also owe those we love the comfort of knowing that they don't have to walk on eggshells around us, that we can rejoice with those that rejoice even as we hope that they can also mourn with those of us who mourn. The only way we can really get there, imo, is to be more willing all the way around to open up a bit more, and to be willing to listen a bit more, to be a little less me-focused and a little more others-focused. Easier said than done, I know.

And so, I try not to worry so much. If someone asks me about having another child, I am open and honest with them. I let them know this is a struggle, that we have prayed about it and it doesn't feel right. I don't have to go into deep personal details, but to me, an honest response helps them and it makes me not feel like I have to go to a corner and cry. And I usually get love in return. But I also try to rejoice with others who don't have my struggle, because motherhood deserves to be celebrated! And I think it's not only in focusing on our similarities (important thought this is -- so I am not trying to take away from this post and its sensitivity!) but ALSO in sharing our hearts and learning to *bridge* these difficult differences that we can often grow as sisters and friends, as daughters of God.

If you only read one Mother's Day post this year...

...read this one. The author shows a great deal of depth and strength and perspective.

Interestingly, this same type of perspective has been criticized in the past; I was astounded at the negativity on this topic that appeared last year (in fact, when I first read the title, I was worried this would be another negative rant). I think she set a wonderful tone for the coming holiday. She shows that even in very, very painful and difficult circumstances (she came from an abusive home and has been unable to have children of her own), a woman can rise above them and find comfort in eternal truths and principles.

No matter what our situations in life, all of us as women can be mothers, whether single or married, whether we have children of our own or not. We can share our hearts, our talents, our love with children and others around us.

Incidentally, you can read a couple of other such personal stories here. Although I have to admit that the first link was one of the best pieces I have ever read on this topic. :)

Clarifications about the Catholic church's restrictions on records

This story is interesting. At least according to this story, the restrictions appear to be less about doctrinal issues and more about privacy concerns.

The Vatican, Bishop Wester says, is simply reminding parishes not to take large numbers of records and hand them over to anyone, but he says it should be OK for specific family requests.

I also appreciated the sense of friendship between the two churches that comes through in the story.

This creates a totally different feeling about the recent decision than the initial stories did.

Elder Marlin K. Jensen responds to NYT article about LDS polygamy

There has been some discussion about a New York Times article that sought to draw parallels between FLDS culture and the practice of polygamy in the earlier years of the LDS Church. Elder Marlin K. Jensen, the Church's historian, wrote a very clear rebuttal to the NYT article. It's well worth the read.

You can also read a summary of the articles here.

Buy Low, Eat High? Thoughts on Preparedness

This is a crazy time, with food prices and shortages and all.

I'm recalling President Hinckley's talk in 1998 when he read from Genesis 41 and then said:

I want to make it very clear that I am not prophesying, that I am not predicting years of famine in the future. But I am suggesting that the time has come to get our houses in order.

So many of our people are living on the very edge of their incomes. In fact, some are living on borrowings.

We have witnessed in recent weeks wide and fearsome swings in the markets of the world. The economy is a fragile thing. A stumble in the economy in Jakarta or Moscow can immediately affect the entire world. It can eventually reach down to each of us as individuals. There is a portent of stormy weather ahead to which we had better give heed.

Of course, I cannot interpret the prophet's words for anyone else, but I can't help but feel that we are experiencing a glimpse of what stormy weather can look like, and what the impact of an interconnected worldwide economy can be. As he said, if something happens in one part of the world, it can affect us all.

I remember when a big storm hit the East coast when I was living there. It only shut things down for three days, but people went crazy and bought the stores out of bread and produce. I was stunned when it took a month for the produce to really come back up to a normal supply.

We are seeing similar panicking now. You can't just walk into Costco (or any grocery store, for that matter) and get a 25 bag of rice. You can't go to your cannery and pick up more than a couple of bags of food. And prices of what you can buy (such as wheat) continue to go up.

President Hinckley also talked a lot about avoiding consumer debt, about not living on the edges of our incomes. This situation we face now to me seems like a simple example of why this is wise counsel. If one has a fixed food budget, one cannot simply go and pay premium prices for commodities, unless one has some extra money tucked away...which is yet another element of preparedness counsel we have received.

I've also been struck by how the focus for food storage has changed from storing commodities first, to storing three months' worth of what our families regularly eat. Might such a focus also help us at times like this? If we are working on our three-month supply, do we really need to go out and pay premium prices for commodities right now? Might this be a good time to stock up on other foods that aren't getting so much attention? Plant a garden? Learn how to make bread? etc....

I dunno. I suppose for each family, the solution might be a little different, depending on budget and existing storage and typical eating patterns. But I've been thinking about the idea of 'Buy Low, Eat High.' If prices continue to soar, will I really want to pay bookoo bucks for a loaf of bread, or should I just make some (I need to use up that flour that is getting old anyway....)?

It is clear to me that prophetic counsel has the power to protect us from times of panic. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.

How are you approaching things right now? Are you buying high? Are you going to ride it out and live on your storage? Are you ignoring the panic and storing other things?

The Problem of Generalizing the Personal

Life is a journey, a process, a challenge. At the core of the plan that God has created for us is agency, and that means that a key part of the journey is making choices. Lots of them. Every day, every minute, we make choices - some small, some big.

Sometimes, especially with important decisions, we, of course, put lots of effort into making those choices. As members of the Church, we also often will seek guidance through prayer and personal revelation. Through the process, it's easy to become passionate about the answers we receive, about the decisions we make.

And with passion often comes the desire to share, even to proselytize. Herein lies a weakness I have seen in myself and in others. We sometimes assume that because our answer was right for us, that it will be right for others.

And yet, how often is there really One Right Answer?

There are truths that we are taught by our prophets, and I don't believe that doctrine is up for grabs. It is not within our stewardship to receive revelation about doctrine for the Church, or about the responsibilities of others' callings. We are told repeatedly that we receive revelation for our own stewardships, but not for others'.

But this principle applies to others' personal lives as well. We cannot take the revelation we have received for our own lives and apply it to others. That is not to say there is never a time and place to share our personal experiences and testimonies. There are also times and places to testify of true principles. The Spirit can help us know when and where these things may be appropriate. But I think we need to be careful about taking specific, personalized answers and trying to make them generally-applicable, especially when prophets of God have not done so. In the end, I am coming to believe we cannot do this without risking the violation of the principles of agency, and thus violating the plan of God at some level. Part of becoming like God is allowing for the agency of others.

How much room is there for personal revelation even with laws/commandments/counsel we know to be divinely inspired? Consider the following examples:

• Word of Wisdom (have you ever met someone who wants to convince you that they are living the 'higher law' of the WoW by some specific that has never been preached over the pulpit? I sure have...)

• Sabbath Day -- Have you ever actually met two Mormon families who apply this law in exactly the same way?

• Multiply and Replenish -- As important as the commandment to multiply and replenish is, we simply cannot know what is right for another couple, another family. Even something as simple as "You'll just know when you're done" is not something that can be generally applied. We were recently reminded in the Worldwide Leadership Broadcast that we are not to judge others on decisions such as this.
  

• Following the Prophets -- As passionate as I am about this topic, I see over and over again how each of our perceptions of what this means differs. My husband and I, as relatively close as we are on the topic, will sometimes find that we apply and interpret prophetic counsel in different ways.
  

• Preparedness -- Again, we have some pretty clear counsel on this topic, but none of us is in a position to receive specific guidance for others on how to apply this counsel.
  

What about life choices, challenges, and situations, such as the following:

Public vs. home school -- Oh, my. Here again, the passion is intense. How many of you have heard a homeschooling family insist that there is no other righteous way to teach children, particularly when we live in such challenging times? Or, on the flip side, have you heard a public schooling family condemn homeschoolers for any number of reasons? Oh, my.

Work-life-family balance questions -- Even as the prophets have been clear about the ideal, for example about the general roles and responsibilities of fathers and mothers as outlined in the Proclamation and repeatedly taught by our leaders, there is still room for personal adaptation and revelation, and thank goodness for that, since there are so many variations in life situation, culture, needs, etc.

Intimacy in marriage -- Have you ever heard someone complain that we don't receive more guidance on this topic? I think that part of the reason we don't is because we are supposed to figure this out, with our spouses and with the Lord. I have heard professional counselors giving specific guidance about frequency, for example, and I just don't think that is appropriate. Of course, there is some good general guidance out there, but I think we need to be careful about taking on anyone else's specific answers in this tender, private, sacred element of married life.

Home birth vs. hospital birth -- A post I just read today explores the process of making such a decision. This is another one of those hot topics that I have seen sometimes bring out the worst in women. How I wish we could respect each other's space to make choices and trust that we are each doing our best! There is most certainly no One Right Answer in this regard.

Discipline of children, or dealing with marital or other family challenges -- There are, of course, spiritual and legal laws that draw some boundaries in these regards, but, usually, there is a lot of variation on how we can deal with the various kinds of challenges that can emerge in family relationships. This is likely one of the most important areas in life where we need the power of personal revelation, and where we need to be ever-so-careful about generalizing our approaches and answers to others. We can offer support when requested, but often, giving advice or counsel can be problematic. The best advice I think we can give is to encourage our loved ones to seek spiritual guidance through prayer, and, if necessary, through professional help.

These are just a few examples of many.

As someone who has always preferred nice, clean, clear-cut answers to questions in life, I have struggled with all of this. I still believe there are certain things that are Right. (I suppose there will always even be debate about where those lines are.) But still, even there, I realize I cannot take away what God has freely given -- the gift of agency. God will freely give us when we ask, and we can only hope that those we love and care about will seek God's guidance in all of their important decisions - and even ones that may not be so important. God wants to be involved in our lives, and He wants us to care about and be involved in each others' lives. But there are limits to that involvement, I think. We need to be careful about generalizing personal revelation or even simple personal choice. We need to respect the agency of others, and rejoice in the plan that allows us to discover, by our own experience, the good from the bad. And to discover the power of the Atonement when we/others make mistakes.

Am I generalizing too much? :)

The Mantle of an Apostle

OK, here's another thing that stuck out at me from Conference. I don't remember who it was (and I'm feeling too lazy to look it up) who mentioned that Elder Christofferson would be ordained (in other words, that he was not yet ordained). Perhaps that future ordination explains something I have noticed for years when our new apostles have been called. They speak the day they are called. They always give a sweet, humble talk. You can feel they are overwhelmed, and that they love the gospel and the Savior with all of their hearts.

But I have noticed, without exception that I can think of, that there is a difference the next time they speak. They are bold. They speak with authority and power. Of course, some of that probably comes with six months of experience, but I couldn't help but wonder if it also was that the mantle of the calling had descended on them.

Has anyone else sensed something like this?

Spirit to Spirit

I have so much running through my head and heart since General Conference. And I have lots I want to write, but it is easier to do that with the transcripts.

But there is one thing that I wanted to capture for now. I loved what Elder Christofferson said about how he had received revelation, spirit to spirit -- he learned and felt things that words could not express. Moments like that are what cement my convictions of the truthfulness of the gospel. And they make life so sublime; they bring me so much joy.

I also think that simple, almost passing comments like his are sometimes the greatest gems of Conference. The older I get, the more I want to find those gems that I am convinced we get more than perhaps we realize.

Ah, I love General Conference!