Deseret Management Corp gets new leader

This is totally random, but being the business head that I am, I thought this was interesting.

(I don't think I knew that Mark Willes was related to Pres. Hinckley.)

When a Pet Dies -- Help please!

It's incredibly late; of all things, tonite, I watched our fish die and, of course, wanted to take care of it before I went to bed (and so the kids didn't have to wake up to the sight).

I know it's important to help children grieve. I don't know that I have it in me, but we gotta do what we gotta do. So I thought I would turn to my blogging friends for thoughts on what kinds of things (rituals, etc) might make this a little easier.

I responded to my daughter's request and included dirt in the garbage bag (since we can't bury the little guy, that was her alternative plan for 'burial' -- ah, the innocence).

Any suggestions would be appreciated. And condolences for the drama we will have around here tomorrow (er, later today).

Feel the Love

"Honey, it's almost time for us to do valentines. Can you take a minute to write something for the kids?"

It took an hour or two for my husband to process that, but obviously it hadn't fully processed, or I hadn't been clear enough. He approached me later.

"OK, where are the cards you wanted me to sign?"

I smiled.

"There are no cards. You get to provide them." With a slight hint of tease in my voice, I added, "I could give you some stamps to make some cards if you want." (There are times he would have done that, but time was of the essence here.)

We laughed as he teased me back and pretended to really want to do that.

"Where's some paper?"

Again, I smiled, since our house is swimming in paper products of all shapes, sizes, types, and colors. (My girls love crafts.)

"Kids, why don't you help your dad find some fun red or pink paper?" Since they had just gone hog-wild creating cards for the family, it would have been easy to find.

"That's ok, I have some here," he said.

I was the one teasing again as he walked to the table with spiral-bound, lined paper.

"How romantic!" (He'd already given me a rose, chocolate and a bookstore gift certificate (which equals true love in my book)), so I didn't expect anything. "Will you make me one, too?"

"Do you want wide- or college-ruled?"

(He has a sense of humor that always catches me off-guard. I gave a full belly laugh at that one.)

What he wrote on those silly lined pieces of paper made me cry.

And yes, he did write one for me, too.

It's the little things, ya know?

To serve and love and to be served and loved

Even as I sat down at my computer, I wasn't sure what to write about, but I found myself writing this post, which sort of fell into place on its own. The comments have been wonderfully honest and heartfelt. Please consider taking a moment to share your thoughts.

Favorite Church Ads

I just checked out some Homefront videos I hadn't seen before...don't know if they are new or I am just out of the loop.

(If you are old enough to know what Homefront is, just call that another age test...hehe). (Many more Mormon video links can be found here.)

Anyway, I then found this one, which has always been one of my faves, and, I'll admit, always, always makes me tear up. (I'm sappy like that.))



If you are old enough to have favorite Church ads (just kidding...they still have them), I'd love to hear what they are/were. Include YouTube links if you have them. Such a fun way to spend a few minutes.

(Brings back memories cuz my dad was a tour guide at Temple Square back in the day and we would go watch shows (movies and others)...when Homefront was really popular.)

Age test

Are you old enough to know why this is funny?

Random, I know, but once in a while, random is good, no?

"Hang in and Hang On"

It's past 3:00 a.m. and I have been lying here, praying, struggling. The past weeks -- the good and the hard -- have worn me beyond my limits. Sick kids, traveling boys, sick momma, another sick kid, tons of activities planned for the girls why they were gone, tons of issues with sleep meds not working while they were gone, tons of expectations to try to fulfill, and good face to maintain for my babies. Tons of stress to push through to keep them and me afloat. Tons of flakiness with things like appointments and returning library books (Sorry Jill!).

And then there was tonite. Tonight (or last night, I guess, if you want to be technical), I was supposed to have a night off, but instead, I had a husband come home to report about parent-teacher conferences, we had some significant until-that-point-unknown school issues to then discuss (nothing like a good surprise pt conference to perk up a momma's day. not). I had two little girls who needed to talk about the bullying they have experienced, and I struggled to help them sort through when and how and to whom to go about such issues. (I did have the presence of mind to remind them that they could talk to me anytime about anything...even years past, but that they needed to talk to school officials immediately when physical harm is caused.)

And then I found myself going to Wal-mart three hours later than planned (nearly midnight) to find some black pants for the dress rehearsal tomorrow (er, today) that I had only found out about before they left for pt conferences. I was driving nearly like a drunk person, so tired, so dizzy.

At least I stocked up on Cheerios for cheap.hehe

All my plans to get things done early so I could have a night off and maybe even an earlier night turned into one of the more intense and draining nights I have had in a while. One of those nights when you have given so much already and you just keep thinking -- I can't do more!

And so I scraped myself into a shower, and into bed, where I prayed: "I just can do this. How can I possibly pull myself together enough to do another day, to put on a face for the kids who need me more and more as time goes on?" If it were just the mommy stress, that would be hard enough, but there are other issues that I'm dealing with that have drained me big time. All I want to do is retreat into some space of isolation and insulation from it all.

As I lay in bed, I had the thought to pull out my computer and read Elder Holland. The talk I thought I would read wasn't the first I found, but this one was good. There is much there, including the always-stirring story of the toil and trouble and time that went into the building of the Salt Lake Temple. He ends with this:

Blood, toil, tears, and sweat. The best things are always worth finishing. “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?” (1 Cor. 3:16). Most assuredly you are. As long and laborious as the effort may seem, please keep shaping and setting the stones that will make your accomplishment “a grand and imposing spectacle.” Take advantage of every opportunity to learn and grow. Dream dreams and see visions. Work toward their realization. Wait patiently when you have no other choice. Lean on your sword and rest a while, but get up and fight again. Perhaps you will not see the full meaning of your effort in your own lifetime. But your children will, or your children’s children will, until finally you, with all of them, can give the Hosanna Shout.

I testify that God loves each of us and that Jesus of Nazareth, his Only Begotten Son, came to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees” (D&C 81:5), bringing a divine form of workers’ compensation to you who keep tugging those granite boulders so faithfully into place. I love you and believe in you. I have wanted very much to encourage you. You are laying the foundation of a great work—your own inestimable future. “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God?” I pray that you will know and that you will persevere, “however long and hard the road,”

I am all the more tired now, as my body processes my sleep meds and the minutes tick by. But at least I feel like I might be able to try again tomorrow, to tackle my life. I have just been giving so much lately, and feel that I keep finding more mistakes than not, and keep meeting up with the pain that my physical and other limitations cause for others. I give so much, and yet I fall so short. And in some ways I feel I fall backward, even.

But Elder Holland (then Pres. Holland) has always been one of those who says the right things for me. I joke that my guardian angel works with him and his wife, Sister Pat Holland.

And, so, I am hearing Elder Holland tell his story about being stranded in his car (remember that one?)

Don't give up.... Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it—You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.

====

On those days when we have special need of heaven’s help, we would do well to remember one of the titles given to the Savior in the epistle to the Hebrews. Speaking of Jesus’ ”more excellent ministry” and why He is “the mediator of a better covenant” filled with “better promises,” this author—presumably the Apostle Paul—tells us that through His mediation and Atonement, Christ became “an high priest of good things to come.” 1

Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better. Moroni spoke of it in the Book of Mormon as “hope for a better world.” 2 For emotional health and spiritual stamina, everyone needs to be able to look forward to some respite, to something pleasant and renewing and hopeful, whether that blessing be near at hand or still some distance ahead. It is enough just to know we can get there, that however measured or far away, there is the promise of “good things to come.”

My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the “light that is endless, that can never be darkened.” 3 It is the very Son of God Himself. In loving praise far beyond Romeo’s reach, we say, “What light through yonder window breaks?” It is the return of hope, and Jesus is the Sun. 4 To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His “more excellent ministry” with a future of “better promises.” He is your “high priest of good things to come.”

Thanks, Elder Holland. Thanks, Father, for leading me there. At least I don't feel completely overwhelmed. I'm exhausted beyond belief, but I feel more peaceful after reading his words. Elder Holland has often taught about hope and optimism. Not exactly what I feel I can muster. But I can begin by not quitting, but instead choosing to keep on going, right?

See you on the other side of the sunrise, more about lunchtime. Hopefully now I can sleep at least.

Because I was asked

Back in the midst of the Prop 8 debate, there were a couple of people who were interested in considering possible reasons for supporting prop 8. While I realized that there wasn't any way to 'prove' many things either way, I wanted to start capturing many of the concerns I had.

Recently, I was asked once again why I chose to support Prop 8. I figured it would be worth sharing some of my thoughts here. This list doesn't represent all of my thoughts, but does capture many of them.

Please note: At this point, I'm not interested in debating with others on what follows. I realize others may have different points of view, and I respect your right to have your thoughts and ask for the same respect in return. In the end, as I said before, I think one of the challenges with this issue is that we can't necessarily prove things one way or the other, and so we each have to decide where we think all of this could lead, and choose accordingly.

I should note that I had already begun to formulate my list of concerns and reasons I supported proposition 8 before the Church came out with its reasons. (I have been accused of only blind following, but I have thought about and considered this issue for years, ever since Prop 22 in 2000. I did not make my choice about my stand lightly, or blindly. Did the Church's directness in this issue affect me? Of course it did. But in the end, I made my choice for reasons beyond just 'the prophet said so.')

Even still, and even if some people will refuse to believe it, taking a stand was difficult, because I know how charged and painful this issue is. and in my heart of hearts, I don't want to cause others pain. I have found, however, that there will be some who will not see my point of view or my decision as anything but hateful and prejudiced. At some point, there is probably nothing I can do to change those minds. But in a sense, such reactions only solidify some of my concerns. I feel that given our democracy, there must be room for respect for other people's viewpoints. And so, again, I would ask for such respect for mine. And ask that you consider giving the benefit of the doubt before commenting. At this stage of the issue, and given my weariness with some continued attacks on my character, unless I feel your comment is respectful, I will not post it. Thanks in advance.

---

Following are some of my reasons that I supported Proposition 8:

· Gays, through domestic partnerships, were already provided rights and protections under California law.

· The people of California already voted on this in 2000, and 61% of voters decided that marriage should remain between a man and a woman. Four of seven CA court justices overturned the voice of the people. The split vote demonstrates that even among experts, it is not agreed upon whether gay marriage should have ever been made legal in the first place. (In the two other states that legalized gay marriage at the time of Prop 8, the votes were also split 4-3.)

· I am deeply concerned that essentially that one vote at the court level could have (and has had) this kind of power to overturn the majority vote of millions of people. This is a precedent that concerns me greatly for future votes on issues yet undefined, in California or elsewhere.

· I am struck by the fact that 27 states in the nation had passed amendments such as Proposition 8 prior to the vote, and more than a dozen other states had passed other statutes or measures that also protect the traditional definition of marriage. Worldwide, I believe only 6 countries have legalized gay marriage. In short, legalized gay marriage does not represent what the majority of US citizens or the majority of nations of the world support. This presents not only an ideological clash, but also the very real potential for future legal and political fallout, which could be costly in time, money, and energy for all of us.

· I am concerned about the potential threats to rights of those who may have religious or other beliefs or opinions supporting traditional marriage as the ideal. This is not to say that I support intolerance of or unkindness to gays. In no uncertain terms, I believe that gays are no different from anyone else in that they deserve common decency, respect, compassion, and kindness. But it is not hard to imagine the effort to protect the rights of gays clashing with the free speech and/or religious rights of those who believe gay marriage is wrong, or who feel for other reasons that traditional marriage should continue as the foundation of our society. This kind of intolerance for those who support traditional marriage was part of the debate about Proposition 8, and continues post-Prop 8. Tolerance must go both ways, and I am concerned that we will see less and less tolerance for those who support traditional marriage if gay marriage were to become legal.

· I am concerned about potential public school curriculum issues. If gay marriage had become legal in CA, it would have had to be treated equally in courses that discuss marriage and family life. For parents, teachers, and taxpayers with viewpoints and/or beliefs that consider heterosexual marriage to be the ideal, again there could have been conflicts of interest and possibly even a threat to individual rights. As a parent and a taxpayer, this has concerned me. I also was concerned for teachers who may believe personally that teaching these things to children is not a positive thing.

Perhaps you heard that recently, a class of California first graders was taken to their lesbian teacher’s wedding. From an academic standpoint alone, I believe that such outings (funded by taxpayer money) are unnecessary and inappropriate for school. I could imagine that a parent or taxpayer opposing such a field trip could be viewed as engaging in discrimination, or even ignored -- even if the concerns expressed are about academics and not gay marriage per se. I am concerned that legalizing gay marriage could justify more of this kind of specially “protected” curriculum decision. I can appreciate the desire for “diversity education” but think it not unreasonable to be concerned that, given the nature of “political correctness,” this kind of thing could be taken to an extreme that doesn’t consider or protect others’ rights, particularly the rights of the parents of the children involved and the rights of taxpayers whose money supports the schools.

· I am concerned about changing the definition of something that has been the foundation of society for millennia. Even with its exceptions, where divorce or other less-than-ideal things occur, traditional marriage has proven over time to be a foundational institution for societies and in the lives of children in a positive way. The failings of marriage are not because of the institution, but because of individuals, and those problems would exist with gay marriage as well.

The full impact of legalized gay marriage – negative or positive -- cannot fully be ascertained, because the concept of gay marriage, let alone its very limited practice, simply has not been around for very long. As such, I am not comfortable with the idea of submitting society (including, and perhaps especially, children) to an experiment that, in my mind, could have potential significant, lasting, negative consequences in many ways and challenges the wisdom and experience of millenia. My concern is not just for the immediate future, but for generations to come. (I realize that those who opposed prop 8 could use their concerns for children and the future as support for their position. Again, I am not interested in debating, and I realize that it's possible to come down on completely opposite sides of points like this. But given my worldview, I come down on the side of traditional marriage.)

· My last point for my purposes here, but not my least, is that I am concerned about the impact that legalizing gay marriage could have on children. I’m not questioning the reality that gays could and do provide loving homes for children. However, I believe that policy and law should consider what is, in general, best for children now and in the future. It is my belief that children deserve, wherever possible, to be raised by a mom and a dad, and that societies, in general, benefit from the stability that traditional marriage can offer.

I believe also that legalizing gay marriage could create a confusing environment for children, where roles like husband, wife, dad, mom, male, female, etc. could end up being altered. For example, I have already seen men called "Mum" and “like a bride” in videos that obviously support gay marriage. While I believe there is lots of room for sharing of family responsibilities, to me, to be a mom and a bride is to be female. These are simple examples of how I think this all could be very messy, and not just in terms of semantics, but in terms of what these terms and concepts have truly meant for millennia in the fabric of society and family life. I think these roles and definitions are important as children grow and develop personally, socially, sexually, and in other ways. (Again, I realize not everyone will share this view.)

And it probably goes without saying that for some, these words and roles have tremendous religious significance for many Americans. Again, parental (and/or religious) and societal teachings could clash -- where it matters most – in the raising of our children and grandchildren.

There is no one reason why I supported Prop 8. To me, it was a complex mixture of legal, political, social, educational, and religious reasons that led me to make the choice that I did. I may never be able to convince some people that it was hard, and continues to be hard, to take a stand on something that has caused many people pain.

One Eternal Round

You’ve heard this phrase before in the scriptures. God’s course is “one eternal round.” This shows up various times in the scriptures. I’ll include one of those references here, from D&C 35:1:

Listen to the voice of the Lord your God, even Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, whose course is one eternal round, the same today as yesterday, and forever.

I never really quite understood what “one eternal round” meant; I probably still don’t to a great degree. But I did read something a couple of years ago that gave some significant meaning to this concept for me. I come back to these quotes when I'm feeling worn out by the routine and repetition of life, especially that which comes with the role of being a mom.

Elder Maxwell wrote the following:

Chesterton notes our low capacity for being able to deal with monotony and says in a moving passage: “It is possible that God says every morning, `Do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes all daisies separately, but has never got tired of making them.” The divine delight in what seems to us to be mere repetition is one clue to the sublime character of God. Since we must, at times, accept what appears to us to be routine, repeated experiences, we too, if we try, can find fresh meaning and fresh joy in the repeated experiences. God’s course is one eternal round but it is not one monotonous round. God is never bored, for one who has perfect love is never bored. There is always so much to notice, so much to do, so many ways to help, so many possibilities to pursue (Neal A. Maxwell, A More Excellent Way, p.84-85).

And:

Repeatedly God has described His course as reiterative, “one eternal round”…. We mortals sometimes experience boredom in the routine repetition of our mortal tasks, including even good works; and thus vulnerable, we are urged not to grow weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9; D&C 64:33; 84:80; Alma 37:34). But given God’s divine love, there is no boredom on His part amid His repetitive work, for his course, though one eternal round, involves continuous redemption for His children; it is full of goodness and mercy as His long-suffering shows His love in action. In fact we cannot even comprehend the infinite blessings which await the faithful—”eye hath not seen, nor ear heard . . .” (1 Corinthians 2:9) (Neal A. Maxwell, Not My Will, But Thine, p.53-54).

Charity means never being bored with the routine of my life. Wow. (I guess I need to be praying that much harder for charity!) Seriously, though, once in a while I can catch a glimpse of what Elder Maxwell is talking about. When I really put my heart into my roles as wife and mother and homemaker (might I say I open my heart to these things?), I feel the Spirit. I have felt the Spirit baking bread, doing laundry, taking care of sick children, cooking a nutritious meal for my family. But, sadly, often I think of my days in terms of (boring, tedious) routine. And I often actively seek for a break from that routine. A break is not a bad thing in and of itself (!), but I sense from these quotes that I’m often missing the beauty of my daily to-dos, especially the ones that relate to my “most important” work in my home.

And so, I want to remember Elder Maxwell’s thoughts. It makes me think that perhaps there is nothing in our lives that can’t be part of our training for godhood; even the repetitious, tedious tasks can perhaps be teaching us something.

One last quote, from Joseph F. Smith:

After all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all man-kind, is the truest greatness. ...We should never be discouraged in those daily tasks which God has ordained to the common lot of man. Each day’s labor should be undertaken in a joyous spirit and with the thought and conviction that our happiness and eternal welfare depend upon doing well that which we ought to do, that which God has made it our duty to do. Many are unhappy because they imagine that they should be doing something unusual or something phenomenal. Some people would rather be the blossom of a tree and be admiringly seen than be an enduring part of the tree and live the commonplace life of the tree’s existence (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, p.285-286).

Let us not be trying to substitute an artificial life for the true one. He is truly happy who can see and appreciate the beauty with which God has adorned the commonplace things of life (Juvenile Instructor, Vol. 40, pp. 752-3 Dec. 15, 1905).

One eternal round. Next time your life feels like an endless circle of daily to-dos, I hope that perhaps these quotes can help you as they have helped me.

Has the day of miracles ceased?

NieNie is home and blogging again. Wow.

Death Threats as the New Internet Email Scam Approach

This might be worth telling people you know about...especially those who might be less aware of how scams work (the articles says the elderly, for example, might fall for something like this more readily).

I just gotta write

I have had so much happen lately that my brain and spirit are on overload. I'm overwhelmed to the point of not being able to adequately express how grateful I am to God. I am coming to understand and feel of His love more in my life. And it's amazing.

I can't fully express it all, but I can at least record experiences that have clearly felt like His hand in my life.

(I recall this from Pres. Eyring, who talks of how writing helped him.)

Last week, for example, I had a *really* bad health day. I was able to function, but I thought I might lose my mind. My *other* ear (one has already been clogged for six years, so I'm used to that) clogged up, PLUS there was a constant, deep roaring that made me feel like I had a conch shell at my ear. A big one. It was awful. In the midst of this, I had to two doctor appointments (sleep has been horrible lately, so I was working on that, plus had follow-ups for tests done during the holidays).

By the time I got home, I was spent. I was also really, really discouraged. I just felt like I couldn't handle one more thing with my body going wrong. (I know I could if I needed to, but I really, really didn't want to. And yeah, there was that part of me looking up to heaven thinking, "Please, no. PLEASE?")

Anyway, given how I was feeling, I decided to clear my schedule for the next day (I had two things I was really looking forward to -- a lunch and a meeting for some really exciting volunteer work at the local university).

That night, I listened to my daughter's cough (one she has had for two weeks now) and decided I wouldn't have peace of mind if she didn't get seen by a doctor. She had been going to school, but it seemed like her cough may have even gotten worse. I wasn't sure, but I needed information.

She and I tried to guess what the doctor would say. My guess (in my 'I'm probably overreacting' self-talk) was that everything would be fine. Her guess (her fear was getting medicine) was that she would have to take something.

Imagine my surprise when, as I tried to defend my decision to bring her in, the doctor listened to her and said, "I think she has pneumonia."

Well, then.

"And a double-ear infection." [I had heard no complaints from her at all about her ears.]

Uh, yeah, I guess bringing her in was an ok idea.

I had prayed the day before to be able to accept the new symptom if I needed to experience it. Of course, I realize we never fully understand how things work, but I had the thought that had I not felt so awful the day before, had not cleared out my schedule, I might not have been able to get her in. Or I might have talked myself out of the appointment (ask hubby - it was not clear at all that she needed it).

(Oh, and I woke up with my ear not roaring anymore. Yea! I'll take that, and hope that it really was just something that helped my daughter, but not something I needed to experience for more than a day. :) )

I am trying to have more faith that things really do work together for our good.

I always love hearing other people's tender mercy stories, or ways that their faith grows, so if you want to share (or have a link you want to share), please do!

Keeping the Sabbath with Build-A-Bears

[Edited to fix many silly errors. I was TI-RED last night!]

A year or so ago, the children were invited to a birthday party at Build-A-Bear. They come home with Fuzzy (a bunny), Spot (a bear), and George (a monkey). (I have to admit they are darling.)

For Christmas, some friends wanted to give the children something, and they decided on Build-A-Bear gift certificates. Last night was the big night. We added two more creatures to our home: Fudge and Chocolate (both brown bears). (Fuzzy got a fuzzy bathrobe and other stuff. Including a Book of Mormon. Seriously.)

Now, I will say that a part of me cringes at this kind of thing that can, on one hand, be classified under the "frivolous spending" category. We don't really need more stuffed animals around our house, and I'm usually not much of a fan of name-brand, expensive, exclusive stuff.

But at the same time, watching our children plan and budget for how they would spend their Christmas money, and then light up as they walked out with their loot was pretty priceless. If you can get those kind of smiles for twenty bucks, isn't it worth it once in a while?

But the looks on their faces were nothing compared to what happened tonight.

Every night, I tuck the kidlets in, give them kisses and hugs, and ask them what their favorite part of the day was. Tonight, as I was leaving the girls' room, the following conversation occurred:

RS: "Mom, today we gave our Build-A-Bears a lesson." (What is the plural of Build-A-Bear, anyway? And what if they aren't bears?) :) )

Me (trying to hold back a shocked smile): "What was your lesson on?"

RS: "Confirmation."

(What do you say to that?) I decided to say this, trying to go along with the flow of the conversation:

"Is Fuzzy reading her Book of Mormon?"

RS: "Yeah. And she's sharing with the others."

And then she tacked this on as I left the room:

"We plan to do a lesson every Sunday."

All I could manage to say was:

"That sounds like a great idea, hon."

So, it looks like we have an in-home Primary program going on for Build-A-Bears.

I love my kids. And I think I love Build-A-Bear a little more after tonight.

Embracing Agency

When I was a missionary for the Church, I often joked about the "problem" of agency -- if only I could force all those people to choose what I know what was best for them....

Of course, that sounds all too Lucifer-like. But there are times -- oh, there are times -- when I can see the appeal of such control, and I wonder why it is that I didn't choose that route in the premortal realm. (Clearly, I'm joking...but am still just the tiniest bit serious.)

I'm sobered when I think about how important agency is (enough that God would cast out a third of His children, not allowing them to EVER have the opportunity to have a body and thus progress toward a degree of glory. EVER.). Think about it. That's a HUGE deal.

I have agency on the brain because I recently had a conversation with a friend who is going through a heart-rendingly hard time. A significant person in her life is making a choice that is, imo, a mistake of gargantuan proportions. This choice is breaking her children's hearts. It is breaking my friend's heart. I can't imagine it will do anything good for the individual, either. And it could have consequences that reach into generations.

As much as I am coming to respect the principle of agency, I pretty much wanted to jump through the phone and MAKE things change, so that my friend and her family did not have to experience the pain that is inevitable as a result of this one person's choice.

But I realized I can't. And my friend already gets that.

I think our mortal selves can't fully understand why it is that "agency is a vital element in our Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness" (Richard G. Scott). It's especially hard to understand why God allows the exercise of agency that can cause so much intense, significant pain for innocent people. I think it tears at our hearts especially when innocent children are the victims, but at some point, haven't we all experienced pain at someone else's hand (literal or figurative)? We are wired to avoid pain.

And sometimes we do that by wanting to control others.

But this is not God's way.

Opposition is necessary, essential. Without opposition, righteousness or happiness could not exist (see 2 Nephi 2:11). Again, God cared so much about agency that He allowed a third of His children (His children!) to walk away and never return.

I have pondered this principle perhaps more than any other principle the past few years. I still feel like I'm only scratching the surface about why agency matters so much. But here are three thoughts I have about why that is the case:

1. We truly have to choose and experience the difference between sweet and bitter, right and wrong, light and darkness, to fully understand what it means to have faith, to be obedient. You know how it feels when you know something in your head, but it hasn't sunk into your heart? I think the way truth sinks into our hearts is to truly choose to live it, and to do that so repeatedly that it becomes part of who we are.

2. Such exercising of agency is just that -- true spiritual exercise. It's too easy to "be acted upon" (yes, 2 Nephi 2 is a favorite scriptural chapter for me). We get into ruts. We develop bad habits - some of which aren't necessarily sin per se, but are still not truly the best choices that can bring the Spirit into our lives. We need to choose to act. We have to repeatedly, as Elder Hales has said, "reclaim...agency." As we exercise choice with faith, choosing to actively obey rather than just passively live, our faith grows. Our spirits progress.

3. I think sometimes only the pain of others' can help us understand the Atonement in a way that we might not understand otherwise. It's one thing to turn to Him to overcome our own weaknesses (I at least have control over my choices and can choose to try to overcome my weakness with His help). In my view and limited experienced, it's another thing to turn to Him for help and healing when our pain and struggle comes as a result of someone else's choices, over which we don't have control, and are not to exercise control.

Again, from Elder Scott:

Faith in Jesus Christ and in His power to heal provides the abused with the means to overcome the terrible consequences of another’s unrighteous acts.

Interestingly, the more we exercise agency in ways that tap into the Savior's power and Atonement, the more influence (not control, but influence) we can have.

From Elder Hales (link above):

Finally, remember our agency is not only for us. We have the responsibility to use it in behalf of others, to lift and strengthen others in their trials and tribulations. Some of our brothers and sisters have lost the full use of their agency through unrighteous choices. Without exposing ourselves to temptation, we can and should invite others to receive the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Through friendship and love, we may lead them along the path of obedience and encourage them to use their agency to make the right choices once again.

What are your thoughts on agency? How do you turn to the Lord when someone makes a choice that hurts you? How do you exercise your agency? How do you embrace and accept it as a principle and as a principle in your life?

Christmas Fun

I know it's past the holidays, but this is too fun not to share.

(I know it may be somewhat staged, but still, the rhythm is pretty impressive.)

And here's another book to add to your list (The Mother in Me) -- except you can WIN it!

Giveaways are so much fun!

(BTW, this book, The Mother in Me, is awesome! I bought several copies to give as gifts to mommas I know. It's the kind of book I wished I had had when I was a momma of little ones. (Yeah, it's all worth it (a million times over) but there were days when I wondered, and wondered if there was anyone else who wondered. And this book would have helped me see that I'm not. And that that's part of the plan.)

It's really the kind of book that will appeal to lots of readers, though.

I'll share one of my favorite quotes from the book here, just to give you a glimpse:

"Since Heavenly Father has purpose in all that He does, He knows that sending children into this home will not be a perfect experience. Maybe some of my children's success is from watching my failures. Sometimes I yell; sometimes I lose my temper; sometimes I speak without thinking. My children watch me do all these things.

"Then they watch me fix it....

"They watch me make amends, apologize, repent....They watch the Atonement play a part in my life. Maybe part of the purpose in sending children to imperfect homes is to teach them how to fix mistakes."

(And I know I am supposed to include a name and a page number, but I am going to ask forgiveness of my friend who wrote this, rather than permission, because I want you to be able to discover this wonderful truth in the book on your own as it unfolds; the context makes it all the more powerful. Ahhh...you just have to love good writing.)

There are many, many moments in this book that will make you pause, ponder, smile, or weep. (I even threw the book across the room at one point -- not because the writing was awful, but just because I was going through an awful time and it really struck deep.)

But then again, you will find that book-throwing happens to the best of us -- you will, that is, if you read the book! :)

Have I piqued your interest yet? GO COMMENT, then! And if you don't win the giveaway, put this one on your list -- for you and for women you know who cherish motherhood but struggle with their humanness in that ever-important role. Or for those who have been there, done that (or may still be waiting to be there, do that), but love good, honest writing. (This is not one of those fluffy books that makes motherhood look like something you treat with kid gloves, or makes it all appear like it's all bliss. It's real, and I love that.)

And when you get it, come back and tell me what your favorite story or poem was. (FWIW, if I had to pick a favorite, it's on page 26. But there were so many things I loved in this book. And since it's a compilation of essays and poetry, there really is something to reach out to every reader.)

(I know. It's awful posting posts like this two days before Christmas. I'm sorry, but it's Christmastime! I've been, you know, getting ready for Christmas! And yes, I will admit...I'm a book junkie....)

C Jane Write; C Jane (and her sister) help me decompress (p.s. Get her book!)

So, I'm feeling proud of myself, because I wrapped a good majority of our presents tonite.

But then I hit a wall. And what do I do when I hit a wall?

Yup. I hang out with my 'puter for a bit. (Hey, now, everyone is in bed around here anyway.) Tonight, it was the usual: checking email, checking local headlines.

I was saddened by an accident that took the lives of two teens.

But there was happy news! NieNie and her family got an amazing Christmas present: a house! (Wow.) That made me want to check out NieNie's blog, where I read some fun archived posts that people had requested. I'm still so amazed at how this whole thing has brought people the world over together -- how much Stephanie had inspired so many (can I just tell you how many people asked me "Have you heard of NieNie?), and how her life continues to do that.

And that reminded me that I hadn't read cjane's blog for a while. So I devoured some delicious writing over there. (Wow.) She's amazing.

And then I remembered that I hadn't mentioned her book here. Shame on me. And now it's too late to get it by Christmas, but that doesn't mean you don't still want it!

This is a book that was created mostly as a fundraiser for NieNie and her family -- a way that writer and editor friends could contribute to the cause.

But, you know, it's also just a whole lot of fun to read cjane. No, it's more than fun. Yes, her writing is entertaining to be sure, but it's also powerful, inspirational. (Humph. That word sounds so cliché to me right now, but remember, everyone's in bed, so that means it's

So, anyway, go ahead. Enjoy it! You won't regret it.

(And thanks, cjane. You and your sister really are an inspiration to me. And a great distraction from my to-dos.) :)

Resistance Training: Irony in Adversity

My husband's grandma passed away last night (we only have one grandparent left...strange to be moving to a new phase of life where our parents are the oldest generation).

I am happy for her. She was old, and sick, and all but bedridden. She suffered a massive stroke years ago, before I even knew her. I can't imagine how difficult it was for her to be so dependent on others. To have so little control over so much of her body. To have life be so different from what it was, and have it continue for so long that way.

I'm sure it was all the more difficult when her husband passed away a few years ago. Oh, how she missed him!

But what I am pondering tonight is something that she said more than once: "My stroke was the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

I think also of my dear aunt, who was in a car accident at the age of 19 -- at the prime of her life. She was a P.E. major, someone who loved sports and loved to dance. And she ended up paralyzed from the waist down. While she pursued her dreams with passion (she ended up teaching P.E. for years, getting a Ph.D. and being a university profession), some dreams have remained unfulfilled. We as cousins gathered at her home last night for our highly-anticipated yearly party; we are her children, as she has never married and had children of her own.

The irony of trials can sometimes be so painful. They can even seem, in our mortal view, so senseless.

Irony describes some of how I feel about some struggles in my life. For example, there are few things a mom of young children needs more than health, but if anything, my health as of late has been worse than what I have dealt with the past six years since my chronic illness began. Other challenges in combination with my health issues have tested me to limits I didn't know I had.

And I confess that sometimes I pound on the doors of heaven, pleading for strength and perspective that can be difficult to find in the midst of the struggle.

I am reminded tonight, as I consider Grandma, my aunt, and so many others whose lives have had tangible evidence of pain and trial (so often the irony is unseen to others!) of something Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught:

What I now read is a most wintry verse indeed: “Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.” (Mosiah 23:21.)

This very sobering declaration of divine purpose ought to keep us on spiritual alert as to life’s adversities.

Irony is the hard crust on the bread of adversity. Irony can try both our faith and our patience. Irony can be a particularly bitter form of such chastening because it involves disturbing incongruity. It involves outcomes in violation of our expectations. We see the best laid plans laid waste....

Without meekness, such ironical circumstances are very difficult to manage....

Amid life’s varied ironies, you and I may begin to wonder, Did not God notice this torturous turn of events? And if He noticed, why did He permit it? Am I not valued?

Our planning itself often assumes that our destiny is largely in our own hands. Then come intruding events, first elbowing aside, then evicting what was anticipated and even earned....

Irony may involve not only unexpected suffering but also undeserved suffering. We feel we deserved better, and yet we fared worse. We had other plans, even commendable plans. Did they not count?...

Customized challenges are thus added to that affliction and temptation which Paul described as “common to man.” (1 Cor. 10:13.)

It's easy to talk about trials being for our good when we aren't in the middle of them. At least that is the way it is for me.

But then I am reminded of what I taught my son years ago when he asked why some people get sick (of course, in his general question was a very specific concern about why his mom was struggling with health issues -- it's been for over half of his life!).

The analogy I used with him was how that when we build our muscles through weight training, it can hurt. It can be hard. The way we build strength is to have resistance. I didn't use that word, but he clearly understood the principle. We have, more than once, reflected together on that reality. I will make motions of lifting barbells and talk of building spiritual muscles. And he will nod. (Children are so teachable. Would that I could be so receptive to simple truths.)

In answer to prayer, God is now the Parent reminding me, the child, of this principle. I prayed for perspective tonight and thought of Grandma. Of my aunt. Of so many others whose lives have been riddled with irony. My heart has been softened a little toward the ironies in my own life.

Elder Maxwell's words have helped.

In coping with irony, as in all things, we have an Exemplary Teacher in Jesus. Dramatic irony assaulted Jesus’ divinity almost constantly.

For Jesus, in fact, irony began at His birth. Truly, He suffered the will of the Father “in all things from the beginning.” (3 Ne. 11:11.) This whole earth became Jesus’ footstool (see Acts 7:49), but at Bethlehem there was “no room … in the inn” (Luke 2:7) and “no crib for his bed” (Hymns, 1985, no. 206.) [What a truth to remember at this time of year!]

At the end, meek and lowly Jesus partook of the most bitter cup without becoming the least bitter. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; D&C 19:18–19.) The Most Innocent suffered the most. Yet the King of Kings did not break, even when some of His subjects did unto Him “as they listed.” (D&C 49:6.) Christ’s capacity to endure such irony was truly remarkable.

You and I are so much more brittle. For instance, we forget that, by their very nature, tests are unfair.

Elder Maxwell goes on to list many other ways in which the Savior's life was laced with irony. His life was unfair, too! He understands irony and adversity.

I invite you to read more of Elder Maxwell's talk here. It's one that has become a sort of anchor talk for me.

I'm grateful the Lord brought it to my remembrance tonight.

What talks, quotes, scriptures, or principles bring you strength and perspective during hard times?

A Significant Decade

My oldest child turned ten today.

Double digits. A decade.

My little buddy, getting less little all the time. He uses big words, has big dreams...and plans...and thoughts.

And yet, there's still enough littleness that once in a while I can sneak in a smile, savor whatever is left of that littleness just a little longer.

Example:

We were at tithing settlement on Sunday. Bishop asked if the children knew why we were there.

Big answer from #1:

"To declare whether we are full tithepayers."

In the same breath came the answer from my still-a-little-little guy:

"...and to get candy."

(Fortunately, I had my journal with me, so I wrote that down right on the spot.)

It's a day when I find myself reflecting on the last decade of my life. How my life changed ten years ago! How I feel I have changed over the past ten years!

Motherhood was not something that came naturally to me. At all. I still remember vividly the time my husband flat-out said I was more suited to the boardroom than to motherhood (gee thanks, dear!). But really, in a way, he's right . (Isn't it ironic that sometimes it's the women who would make amazing mothers naturally who either find themselves single or married and unable to have children?) I think being a mom was one way the Lord could stretch and test me the most intensely. But, of course, these little people have blessed and enriched my life immensely.

It has been interesting the last while to look back on the past decade of my life and to feel that maybe, just maybe, I've made some progress. There were times early on (and actually, for many years) when I wondered if the children would have been better off with someone better, someone for whom mothering came more naturally, someone with strengths where I am weak. (Truth be told, sometimes I still catch myself feeling that way.) But when I'm honest with myself, I can feel that God really is more patient with me than I am with myself.

In fact, when I am seeing clearly, when I'm open to the Spirit, I accept that progress often (usually?) is measured in decades, sometimes even generations. I fight that reality. I would rather have progress be much quicker.

But, as a good friend of ours often says: Things Take Time. That "slow" progress (what's a decade to God, really?) is part of mortality. (Still...fighting...that...reality....)

Thank heaven for an Atonement. I do believe the Savior is helping me become a better mother, a better person.

Here's to hoping the next decade is better than the last. And that applies to much more than just the growth I need as a mother. The list of things I am working on in my life is very long at the moment.

But the list of ways the Lord has delivered me from myself -- the list of other decades of progress (for whatever reason, a decade often seems to be the measure of miracles in my life) -- is getting longer, too. Someday I may write about more of those miracles.

But today, I'm celebrating this decade.

Happy birthday, JJ!

Enjoy some great Christmas music!

I love it when artists are willing to share their talents in ways that don't *require* that you purchase something. Hats off to Jon Schmidt for sharing his gift. (If you haven't ever heard his stuff, it's worth a listen.)

Right now, he has hours of Christmas music that automatically stream from his home page. I've been enjoying it as background music while I'm at the computer and working in the house.

He also has some free MP3s and sheet music you can download, and a whole bunch of other music you can play through the playlist.

Ahhhhh. Love it.