Is past and present counsel regarding multiplying and replenishing really that different? (Part 1)

(I have made a few edits to this to clarify my purposes and thoughts.)

Disclaimer: I have seen this kind of question come up many times in discussions, and I wanted to do a bit of a study to see if the counsel (and I'm thinking more along the lines of doctrinal underpinnings) really has changed that much.

I want to make clear (although I hope it goes without saying) that these posts should not be understood as official interpretation, or the final word, or even all that is said. I just included some of the things I found in my study that I thought were relevant and important. Your own personal study on the topic might lead you to focus on different things, of course. And, of course, your opinion about the answer to the above question may differ from mine.

This topic comes up once in a while, and is one I wrote about last year. The post I wrote before included only recent counsel (which was plentiful!), but given a recent post on this topic (hi, BiV), I have wanted to explore this further, looking at past quotes in comparison to current quotes, so since it has been brought up again elsewhere, it sort of spurred me to do what I had wanted to do before.

In response to BiV's post, I want to make it clear that I do not deny that there is less focus on birth control specifically, and definitely no specific counsel about only using natural means for birth control. I mentioned this in last year's post. But I don't see this shift as a change in doctrine, but rather a change in some of the specific counsel given. The foundational principles that have driven prophetic comments about the commandment to multiply and replenish throughout this dispensation have, in my view, remained the same. This is both exciting and sobering, as we have a great responsibility on our shoulders to know the doctrine and then true to it. I believe the same principles underlie all of the counsel that has been given over time and that is still being given now.

To me, that also means that the core teachings about what is sinful and what is not have not fundamentally changed. I think it is essential as we consider this issue to separate out methods (whether or not to use birth control) from the doctrine (multiply and replenish -- still in force!) and our motivations (whether or not to follow the commandments and fulfill God's purposes through our choices and how to go about doing that). I believe there is nothing to suggest that now it's suddenly ok to use birth control for selfish reasons (not that I think BiV was suggesting that...this post goes far beyond responding to BiV in purpose), and that there isn't the potential for severe (even eternal) consequences for not fulfilling this commandment. (This was all addressed as recently as the beginning of this month!) Our leaders have expressed concern about the falling birth rates in the Church. I think the message is that these topics of marriage and family are still topics we need to grasp better as a people.

I know this is a tender topic. This post is not meant to create unnecessary guilt or contention. There are plenty of people who want children and can't have them. There are many of us who struggle with health issues that need to be taken into consideration, and these questions weigh heavily on our minds. As one who struggles with this, I do not mean this post to cause more pain for people in such situations. I just want to review the doctrine, the ideals, the principles that we are taught and have been taught throughout this dispensation.

I loved this from Elder Oaks from the recent broadcast:

One of the most comforting passages in all of scripture for me is in the 137th section of the Doctrine and Covenants, verse 9, where we’re told that the Lord will judge us according to our works and according to the desires of our hearts.

So, this post is simply designed to allow people to further consider the topic that is so often revisited, to check their understandings and hearts against the teachings of this dispensation (which is something we should do on a regular basis in all aspects of our lives) - not to add to the personal and social angst that exists unnecessarily among members of the Church.

And, of course, I hope it goes without saying that we do not judge each other on these topics, and also we do not berate ourselves for things that are outside of our control. We do our best with what we know and what we have been given and trust in the Lord's promises when dreams aren't yet fulfilled and when life doesn't quite work out the way we want it to, even when we are striving to be faithful and obedient.

This doctrine to me should cause those who have sacrificed to have many children (in the past and in the present) to rejoice in their choices. All of us, as we were recently told, should rejoice when such choices are made by others! And it should cause those of us still in this mode of life to carefully and prayerfully consider the doctrine and discern what sacrifices the Lord might expect from us in the realm of multiplying and replenishing. Sometimes those sacrifices are in having children even when it's hard and frightening. And for others, those sacrifices require letting go of dreams and holding onto eternal promises when the opportunities to have children don't come as they would hope.

Below (and in part 2). I explore past and present quotes to further explore the consistency in doctrine throughout this dispensation.

On Exceptions and Agency and Making Careful Choices

First of all, it may not be well known that there has always been room for choice at some level, as counsel throughout the years has left room for protecting the health of the mother. There are many quotes that illustrate this, but I will include only a few here.

"Ill health may make birth control necessary. A weakened body or actual
disease may justify protection of the mother and the unborn child
against any further physiological burden." (John A. Widtsoe, Evidences and Reconciliations, p.310) (John A. Widstoe was very vocal about this issue of birth control, who was also a strong proponent of natural family planning.)

"As to the lesser sin of preventing conception, no general rule can be laid down, there are so many different circumstances distinguishing one case from another and such a difference in motives that each particular case has to be judged by itself and decided by the light of the Spirit." (Wilford Woodruff and Joseph F. Smith to Job Pingree, Jan. 23, 1894, emphasis added.)

(I found this really interesting, and supportive of the idea that things really aren't THAT different. Even as birth control was being called sinful, the clarification was given that no absolute rule could be established because motives and circumstances DO come into play when considering birth control (and its potential sinfulness -- even for us today.))

Elder Joseph Fielding Smith: “'Multiply and replenish the earth.'
I am now speaking of the normally healthy man and woman. But
that there are weak and sickly people who in wisdom, discretion and
common sense should be counted as exceptions, only strengthens the
general rule." (“A Vital Question,” Improvement Era 1908 October, 959-960)

"The Church cannot give a blanket or over-all answer to the question which would be applicable to all situations." (Hugh B. Brown quoted by Mark E. Peterson)

Using the last two quotes as a springboard, I wanted to take a small sidestep here.

On Rules and Ideals vs. Exceptions

(from the recent Worldwide Leadership Training Broadcast)

"We can add to that that we are teaching general principles because we are General Authorities and general officers." -Elder Oaks

"Now, I hope this helps you understand why we talk about the pattern, the ideal, of marriage and family when we know full well that not everyone now lives in that ideal circumstance. It is precisely because many don’t have, or perhaps have never even seen, that ideal and because some cultural forces steadily move us away from that ideal, that we speak about what our Father in Heaven wishes for us in His eternal plan for His children." -Elder Holland

I'm going to say this often here. Has the rule really changed? Have the fundamental doctrines really changed? Is the ideal different? I submit that none of these have fundamentally changed. The doctrines have been taught, and exceptions have been recognized, which means choice and agency have been respected all along the way, and the condemnation that we read about simply cannot be interpreted as a blanket condemnation of birth control in every situation.

There is a pattern in my mind, a pattern of teaching the rule, but recognizing that there are exceptions. That has been consistent.

Going back to the past for a moment, note the date on this one from Elder Boyd K. Packer, who is often (IMO) one of the most direct of our leaders on topics such as these:

"Often when young couples come, they ask the specific question, “How many children should we plan to have?” This I cannot answer, for it is not within my province to know. With some persons there are no restrictions of health, and perhaps a number of children will be born into the family. Some good parents who would have large families are blessed with but one or two children. And, occasionally, couples who
make wonderful parents are not able to have natural offspring and enjoy the marvelous experience of fostering children born to others. Planned Parenthood involves a good deal more than just the begetting of children. Nothing in our lives deserves more planning than our responsibilities in parenthood. (Boyd K. Packer, Conference Report, Oct 1966, p. 132)

So, again, I ask, is the choice we have really so new? Is the recognition that there are exceptions to the rule really that revolutionary? As such, are we certain that the teachings are really that different at the core?

Leaky Roof and Tender Mercies

"We have a serious problem."

My husband was supposed to be joining me at 4:00 to do interviews for the little company of which he is a part. The children had gotten out of school at 3:30, and he'd already called to say they were home, which meant they would have been coming soon. There was no time to spare. What could have gone wrong in that five minutes since he had last called?

To boot, I didn't really even have time for this unexpected phone call. I was frantically getting input from other interviewers and was already going to be late as it was. (I'm in charge of a collegiate internship competition and was at meetings all afternoon getting things squared away for that.)

A (very large) part of me didn't want to know what was happening.

"We have water coming into our entry way! Can you hear the 'drop, drop, drop'?"

My husband had put a bucket under the leak and the plopping sound was loud. This was no small leak. I shuddered to think of the potential damage to the wood floor and the antique buffet I had inherited from Grandma that was right there.

"It's also coming down the wall."

That might explain the strange water marks on the family history pictures that I had noticed long ago. Ugh.

"OK," I said. "I think you need to stay there and call someone to come check this out." Why do things like this seem to happen late on a Friday afternoon?

I scrambled to gather all the information about the other positions, and consequently was 20 minutes late to our interviews.

But (I can still hardly believe it), my husband was able to get there in time to visit with our first interviewee (and all the others after him), in spite of it all!

It was only afterwards that I learned more about what miracles had taken place.


The dripping started while my husband was at home. Obviously, we have had some trouble before, but it was never this severe. When I came home to check, there was only the slightest amount of water damage to the two legs on the buffet. And the wood floor looks fine, from what I can tell. (There's enough junk that has accumulated behind and under the buffet that I would have been able to tell if we had had significant water on the floor before.)

My husband was able to find a guy who was able to come out immediately. He patched the roof and will come back when it's dry to really fix it. The estimate he gave was very reasonable. I was worried this would cost us thousands of dollars.

Because I was behind schedule, that gave my husband enough time to get back to campus before any of the students had left. Since he is part of this company, it was extremely valuable for him to have a chance to meet with all of the students.

And we even had time to go to dinner as a family afterwards.

Even in the midst of craziness and unexpected challenges, the hand of the Lord can be evident. I am so grateful.

Relying on the Mercies of Others, Learning about the Mercy of Christ

I went to the cannery yesterday.

Ordinarily, I love the cannery. I love the spirit that is there, a spirit of industry, unity, self-reliance, and obedience.

We were cruising: 50 cans of orange drink, 140 cans of white wheat, many cans of sugar, 50 cans of red wheat....

"How much wheat are you putting in those cans?" the missionary asked the sister across the table from me. She was weighing cans just as I was.

"Five pounds," was her reply.

He proceeded to tell her that she wasn't putting enough in. The chart read 5 pounds, 13 ounces. (How did we all miss that?)

Feelings of panic and dread came quickly.

"I only put five pounds in the white wheat cans, too," I confessed. I was the one who had told the sister across from me how much to load.

"You're kidding?" was all the shocked sister missionary could manage.

I hoped the woman across the table from me had been smarter than I on the white wheat. No such luck.

Suddenly, there was a flurry of activity outside the room as the missionaries huddled together to figure out what to do. The activity in the canning room nearly came to a halt in the meantime.

I felt rather sick. I heard talk of remeasuring, refilling, redoing. That would mean discarding nearly 200 cans, lids, and oxygen absorbers. That was not exactly a negligible potential loss that I felt was largely on my head.

They got us going on carrots. We joked about making sure we had the right weights this time, but it was hard for me to laugh (or to even smile, for that matter). For all my detail-orientation and hard work, I'd goofed, and goofed pretty badly.

I was wishing I'd stayed home.

The sister missionary could tell I was discouraged. She came and put her arm around me, and told me not to worry. As silly as it sounds, I was fighting back tears. I. HATE. TO. GOOF.

But her kindness and love helped. She bore the burden with me, saying that it was as much their fault as mine. (Yeah, well, how hard is it to read a dumb chart?)

I stayed late to help clean up. Call it self-imposed penance. That wouldn't make up for the lost time and effort, though.

I came out to find one of the sisters who worked in my group, cheerfully purchasing every one of those goofed-up cans.

As I looked at her a bit incredulously, she simply said, "Oh, we have our truck out there and we can load it up and I'm sure our ward members will snatch these up in a hurry. Don't you worry one bit about it." (She said it as though purchasing nearly 200 cans of wheat was simply like sweeping up a few spilled kernels.)

As silly as it sounds, I'm fighting back tears.

If fallible, imperfect people can show the kind of love and mercy that these people showed, what of the mercy of a perfect, loving Savior and Father?

I think I am glad I didn't stay home.

Obtaining a Copy of the New Hymn Sung at President Hinckley's Funeral

President Hinckley wrote a beautiful poem about the doctrine of death and the continuation of life. This poem was put to music by Janice Kapp Perry. I just received an email with a PDF of the hymn, which she wants to freely share.

If you would like a copy of this hymn, her website says to send an email to primerec at aol d't com with 'funeral hymn' in the subject line.

Or send me an email at mulling_and_musing at hotmail d't com and I will forward it to you.

What is this thing that men call death,
This quiet passing in the night?
’Tis not the end, but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light.

O God, touch Thou my aching heart,
And calm my troubled, haunting fears.
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure,
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

There is no death, but only change
With recompense for victory won;
The gift of Him who loved all men,
The Son of God, the Holy One.

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

Reflecting on the Impact President Hinckley Has Had

The list just keeps getting longer.

I have been thinking all week about all that President Hinckley has done throughout his life and ministry to further the work of the Lord, and I just keep having more things come to mind. Of course, sitting here I probably won't remember them all, but here is what I can remember right now -- things that he did or that took place while he was the president and prophet that have had an impact. (For video tributes, click here.) (Part of the third video doesn't have sound it's worth hanging on, because there are some powerful clips that do have sound, and the pictures are great.)

-The Proclamation on the family
-Amazing temple building initiative (47 to 124 -- WOW!)
-Perpetual Education Fund
-A real focus on youth (watch this video for an example of the impact he has had)
-Celebrations with temple dedications (here's an example)-- which were focused on giving the youth a once-in-a-lifetime experience (this also happened in many places with the recognition of Joseph Smith's 200th birthday)
-Building the Conference Center
-Beautifying the area around the headquarters of the Church (there are SOOOOO many people who have benefited from this -- the times I have walked by the reflecting pool, it has been clear what a meaningful place it is for so many)
-Dedicating resources to Church history sites, giving members a place to reflect on the restoration, and giving our friends and neighbors the opportunity to learn more about us
-Traveling all over the world (I can't handle one overseas trip for the jet lag and all; he, 60 years my senior, could go at a pace that was nearly dizzying)
-Changes in the missionary program (raising the bar and the Preach My Gospel program)
-Taking the church to the Internet -- broadcasts and web sites and newsrooms and music and videos and all
-A new era of family history work, using the Internet and computers in unprecedented ways
-Rebuilding the Nauvoo Temple (did you know this was a dream of both his father and his grandfather?)
-Being an amazing, amazing presence with the media -- He was prepared for that role from the time he was a young adult
-Standardized building of chapels (saving money and time)

There is also just who he was -- the epitome of optimism, love, humility, humor, health, faith, pragmatism, hard work, endurance, and pretty much all else that we strive to become. He lived what he taught.

Obviously, I will miss him dearly. I believe his legacy will live on. He is an example of what can happen when one seeks to become an instrument in God's hands, and I know that he would want us to give all the glory to God, for He was simply His servant, trying to do the best he could do. He reminded us that we needed to do the same. He called us his friends and associates, and we could feel the honest and heartfelt love he had for us. I am grateful to have lived at a time when I could call President Hinckley my prophet. (On Monday, my youngest daughter asked me to print out a picture of President Hinckley ("in color"). I did so. She wrote, "My Prophet" and cut that out, and taped it to the picture. She then taped this to her door. What more could be said? He was "my prophet" to millions of us.)

Godspeed, President Hinckley. Thank you for your loving, dedicated, faith-filled service. We are all better people for knowing you.

A Musical+ Tribute to President Hinckley

And here's a musical tribute (with many clips of him speaking)....

A Virtual Visit to the Hinckley's Grave

I'm still mulling over President Hinckley's death, still mourning in my own way. I have appreciated what others have said and done to honor him, and thought I would share this photo essay with you, if you are the type that finds cemeteries peaceful and reflective places. I do, so I appreciated this. (I also thought it was interesting to see the effort that has gone into getting ready for Pres. Hinckley's funeral.)

Glenn Beck's Tribute to Pres. Hinckley

If you have room in your prayers....

It never hurts to ask for prayers. This little boy and his family are in need of them. They are friends of my sister.

Life is fragile.

Succession of Prophetic Leadership in the Church, Work Beyond the Veil

I'm working on a Family Home Evening lesson on how things work when a prophet dies. First [edited] here is the Church's official explanation about this process (I had looked for this when I wrote the original post, but couldn't find it).

I also found this talk that I thought was interesting and helpful. (It was given around the time that Harold B. Lee passed away unexpectedly.) I thought it was worth sharing.

A few highlights follow:

Now, this is the pattern; this is the system. Succession in the presidency happens in an orderly and systematized way, because the Lord has conferred upon the members of the Council of the Twelve all of the keys and powers and authorities that have ever been held in any dispensation or any age of the past. Every key is given to each apostle who is set apart a member of the Council of the Twelve. But because keys are the right of presidency, they lie dormant, as it were, in each man unless and until he becomes the senior apostle and is thus in a position of presidency to direct the labors and the work of all others. Therefore succession occurs, as it were, automatically....

Speaking of the transition from the leadership of President Lee to President Kimball, Elder McConkie says:

It was not required, nor was it requisite or needed, that the Lord give any revelation, that any special direction be given. The law was already ordained and established. God does not look down each morning and say, "The sun shall rise." He has already established the law, he has set the sun in the firmament, and the sun operates in harmony with established law in its rising. And so it was with the transfer of leadership from President Lee to President Kimball.

When the President of the Church passes on, the First Presidency is disorganized, and the mantle of leadership--the reins of presidency--go to the senior man left and to the Council of the Twelve as a body; in effect the Council of the Twelve then becomes the First Presidency of the Church and so continues unless and until a formal reorganization takes place. These words I read to you from President Joseph F. Smith:

There is always a head in the Church, and if the presidency of the Church are removed by death or another cause, then the next head of the Church is the Twelve Apostles, until a presidency is again organized of three presiding high priests who have the right to hold the office of First Presidency over the Church; and, according to the doctrine laid down by President Wilford Woodruff, who saw the necessity for it, and that of President Lorenzo Snow, if the President should die, his counselors are then released from that presidency, and it is the duty of the Twelve Apostles to proceed at once, in the manner that has been pointed out, to see that the First Presidency is reorganized, so that there may be no deficiency in the working and order of the priesthood in the Church of God. [Conference Report, April 1913, pp. 4–5]

I love the conviction he communicates at the end of his talk:

The destiny of the Church is guaranteed and assured. The only problem that ever can arise is with individuals--whether individuals will walk in the light and do the things that they must do to be in harmony with the Church and to reap and inherit its blessings.

In doing a little more searching, I found a few thoughts from our beloved President Hinckley on the topic of prophetic succession. When he was second counselor to President Kimball, he spoke of this phenomenon:

None other can or will take his place for so long as he lives. When he passes, there will be another ready, a man who, through long years of experience and service, has been trained, has been tested, has been schooled and refined and prepared to fill that sacred and awesome responsibility.

I wonder if he comprehended then that he would someday carry that 'sacred and awesome responsibility' as prophet.

I was struck as I read President Hinckley's biography at how the Lord had been preparing him for this calling all of his life. Truly he was a prophet of God!

And yet, he knew as prophet that someday he would be called home. He spoke of this fairly recently as well, and it stuck with me. In the October 2006 General Conference, he said:

The Lord has permitted me to live [aren't we all so grateful for that?!?]; I do not know for how long. But whatever the time, I shall continue to give my best to the task at hand. It is not an easy thing to preside over this large, complex Church. Nothing escapes the attention of the First Presidency. No major decision, no expenditure of funds is made without their approval. The responsibility and stress are great.

But we shall carry on as long as the Lord wishes. As I said last April, we are in His hands. I feel well; my health is reasonably good. But when it is time for a successor, the transition will be smooth and according to the will of Him whose Church this is. And so, we go forward in faith....

There is much to reflect on here. Our lives are in the Lord's hands -- all of our lives! We can each take comfort in His personal care. Our days are known to the Lord.

The Church is in the Lord's hands as well. I take great comfort in the way the Lord has built in an order that will not leave us leaderless for one moment.

I also love to hear our leaders testify of how involved they are in the decisions made. "Nothing escapes the attention of the First Presidency. No major decision, no expenditure of funds is made without their approval."

One other concept that I love to ponder at times like this is how the work is rolling forth on both sides of the veil. Death really is not the end, although it carries with it some sorrow for the loss of those left behind. But still, I think we can take comfort in the doctrine of the continuation of life beyond the veil.

Elder McConkie said:

[W]e have no difficulty in accepting [the death of the prophet] and in understanding that he is going forward in the Lord's work in another sphere.

President Hinckley also made a statement about how those who pass on continue the work of the Lord, shortly after Elders Haight and Maxwell passed away.

As we open this great conference we note the absence of Elders David B. Haight and Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Each of them served long and very effectively. We mourn their passing. We greatly miss them. We extend our love to their dear ones. We are confident that they are carrying on this great work on the other side of the veil.

All of this is comforting, but also sobering, for who we become in this life will be who we are in the next. President Hinckley, in his typical clarity and candor said:

This life is a part of eternity. This is one stage of our eternal lives. When we die, we will go on to purposeful, active, challenging living. The life on the other side of the veil will be somewhat like the life here. If we have been clean and decent and good here, we will go on in that same spirit. If we have been rascals, we will go in that same spirit. I believe that. I believe in the eternity of life. It is as much a part of my belief as anything that I know of, that this is not the end, that there will be another life, that we will be accountable to God our Father and to our Lord Jesus Christ, that we will have work to do, and that sometime we will all participate in the resurrection. That is my hope, my faith, my testimony” (interview with Ignacio Carrión, El País newspaper, 7 Nov. 1997).

Finally, I loved this testimony from our dear President Hinckley:

I want to give you my testimony of this work, and I want to say it in such a way that you can remember that I said it. I know this work is true. I know that God our Eternal Father lives. I am thankful for the knowledge that He loves us as His children. I am grateful that I feel in my heart a great love for Him. I know He lives, my Father in Heaven. I can scarcely comprehend the wonder of it all. He who is the Creator and Governor of the universe knows me, knows you, each of you children here today. He knows you, He loves you, He is concerned for you. I know that Jesus is my Redeemer, my Lord, my Savior. I know that. I can’t comprehend the full meaning of the Atonement, but I know that through His sacrifice He has made it possible for you and for me to live eternal lives of growth and knowledge and understanding and work, regardless of whether it’s on this side of the veil or on the other side of the veil” (sacrament meeting, Promontory Branch, Tremonton Utah South Stake, 15 Oct. 1995).

There is much to ponder at times like this. I love this work, I love our leaders. I am grateful to know the Lord is at the helm of the Church and of our lives, if we will let Him be.

Of One Heart and One Mind: The Power of a Prophet's Leadership and Spirit

It's been an interesting evening, getting the phone call about President Hinckley's passing, making phone calls to make sure loved ones knew, trying to get on ksl.com and deseretnews.com and not being able to get through (for the traffic, I imagine, as people wanted to check to see if it was really true, if he really had passed on).

Of course, checking the bloggernacle was part of that ritual. At first, there were no posts; I felt that desperate desire to send an instant message to every person who blogs so that everyone could know. But then, the word trickled in. And soon, the 'nacle was alive with posts and comments.

Reading through some of them has been a blessing as part of my reflection and mourning and desire to honor this great man of God. I know that he, in his typical self-deprecating manner, would want us to focus on the wonderful work he loved, and, of course, on the Savior, who is the True Head of the Church.

But it has been a moving experience to feel us all coming together in gratitude for the blessing of being led by such a man as Gordon B. Hinckley. As one commenter noted, we are all united tonight.

There is a poignant bittersweetness to it all. We all knew it would come, and it's sad to lose such a man on this side of the veil, but what a wonderful thing to consider the reunions on the other side of the veil. Thank you, all of you, for sharing your thoughts and feelings at this tender time.

Anyway, it has been wonderful to look at the headlines on the posts and to see so many simply paying tribute. It is a powerful and fitting tribute in my mind to President Hinckley, in a sphere that often thrives on lively discussion and frequent disagreement, to see how essentially everyone just stopped and, with one heart, reflected with love and gratitude on him and his life and this wonderful work.

President Hinckley has passed away

We knew it would come, but it's still hard to believe it. If you can get it to load, the story is here.

President Faust's October 2007 Conference Address"The Power to Change"

Maybe this is old news to you, but I looked in the back of my Conference Ensign last night and found this. It touched me to see it, because I loved President Faust's tender spirit, because his message is wonderful, because I love the fact that they found it and included it, because he clearly pondered and prepared way ahead to have gotten a talk to this point....

Because it's just another drop in my ever-filling reservoir of testimony. The gospel is true! The Atonement is real!

The work goes forward even as these men pass on, but their words and testimonies linger in my heart and life, and for that I am grateful.

"Better Duck -- if you're a Mormon"

Loved this article. We need more voices like this reminding us that "even Mormons" deserve respect. Even if you don't want to vote for Romney, it will be hard to disagree with this article.

What an interesting time to be a member of the Church.

If the rest of it really doesn't matter, why do I want to do it all?

I was on the phone with a friend today. She asked how Christmas preparations were coming, and I shared with her that my body had basically hit bottom. I spent essentially all day horizontal. Many of the things I have wanted to do, including for family, have either been put on the back burner (our family members living out of state won't receive their gifts until after the holiday) or will just fall off the plate.

My friend kindly offered her help, and then reminded me that when I look back, the stuff that didn't get done won't matter anyway.

As I lay on the couch, playing games with my daughter, basking in that sweet time together, I wondered: "If most of the trappings and the extras really don't matter, why do we do them all?" And I wonder how much of that might apply to my day-to-day life. Am I so consumed with stuff that really won't matter that I am sometimes (often?) missing what does?

But then again, how does one decide what 'doesn't matter'? I suppose each of our plates can carry different amounts at different times, and I think each day will probably be a little different. But this week when I have felt so rotten, and throughout the course of my struggle with chronic illness, I have struggled to figure out how to balance. Where is that line between diligently striving to be "anxiously engaged" in "many things" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27) and running faster than I have strength?

I know there is no pat answer to it, and that we need the guidance of the Holy Ghost to help us. But as my husband and I have had to work to just keep the bare minimum going, we have realized how often we really don't seek the Spirit and instead just sort of let life live us. It's so easy to let the good things keep us from the most important things.

Although my obvious wish is to have more strength to do more of what I want and feel I need to do. However, I can't help but wonder how much of that stuff along the way is really that important. I feel I am learning a lot, especially the past while (and with the help of several talks at this last General Conference), about the importance of proactively seeking to have my priorities in place, every day.

Truth be told, I felt more joy today lying on the couch playing with my daughter than I would have felt doing almost anything else on my "list" even with how much I love Christmas. Might this be a lesson the Lord wants me to learn through all of this?

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them....

Last night, BB (age 6) had the Family Home Evening lesson. She was gone all day, and yet she had an idea that she wanted to run with. By the time she got home, I couldn't help her because I had to get dinner ready. So she tackled it on her own.

We sat down to a lesson that touched my heart. It was on the Book of Mormon. One key message she wanted to get across was that reading the Book of Mormon [reading scriptures] was more important than reading other books. [She meant this in terms of priorities -- that we should read the scriptures first before reading other things.] She had her brother come up and pretend to be reading a different book, and then had Dad come up to remind him that he should read his scriptures first.

Once she had this little 'skit' she had us each draw a picture of the Book of Mormon or the gold plates. She then asked to use my cell phone to take a picture of us all holding our pictures.

In our family prayer, she later asked that we would remember to read the Book of Mormon before we read other books.

Do I even need to say which book I started my day with today? :)

Awesome Household Tips

I just ran across this page that has a huge variety of household tips using things like vinegar, baking soda, yogurt, club soda, and powdered milk. (Did you know you can make paint from powdered milk! At last I have a backup plan for using all of my milk I never use up from my food storage!) :)

Join Team Bloggernacle in Donating to Heifer International!

I've always been impressed with the concepts behind this organization, and now we have a chance to join together to make an impact in a significant way. I know there are lots of opportunities and choices at this time of year, but if you have even a few dollars, please consider joining this awesome effort. To contribute, click on the "General Team Donation" link.

Thanks to Janet Garrard-Willis for organizing this effort!

Words Matter, but Grace and the Spirit Matter More

I have been mulling over something today, while participating in a discussion about the challenge of language. (The particular discussion was about the concepts of presiding/patriarchy and partnership, although I'm sure we could find others where words and concepts seem to collide.)

It may seem at the outset that these are conflicting concepts, and, perhaps in the dictionary sense, that may be true. What do we do when this happens? Do we dismiss efforts to explain them? I think doing so is a serious mistake.

Words do matter. And it's difficult when words seem to get in the way of our understanding or communication. But when we are using words in the gospel (or even in relationships), we are seeking to explain and understand concepts that have an eternal (or at least a concealed) dimension (in relationships, we rarely know all that is behind the words said or written (experience, upbringing, pain, motives, etc.). As such, words themselves will usually not be sufficient to truly understand gospel concepts, or to understand each other. If we limit ourselves to only words, and react only at the level of dictionary definitions (or our limited, I believe we will miss significant opportunities for meaning and understanding, and also for compassion.

In fact, I believe we have a solemn responsibility to receive words with more than just dictionary in hand. We must receive by the Spirit.

I was reminded today of Moroni in Ether 12. Imagine the weight of knowing your words would be passed down for generations, and would be an anchor for gospel teaching. He laments the limitations of language, of his words. He goes to the Lord in fear and concern:

"[W]hen we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the Gentiles shall mock at our words" (v. 25).

The Lord comforts him by letting him know that the listeners (readers) have a responsibility to receive the words in the right spirit.

"And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness..." (v. 26).

Do we ever take advantage of the apparent weakness of others' words? I fear that too often we do, be they words from prophets or even just from those around us in our day-to-day lives. We insist that the way we understand what they said is correct. We hold up dictionaries and worldly learning and our own experiences alone, and thus too often feel justified in criticizing or dismissing or undermining or reacting unkindly to what their words. (Misunderstandings, after all, are just about misunderstanding words, right? We all know this happens far too often in our lives and relationships. We know it also happens in the Church.)

It seems to me that the Lord expects more of us, however. This is evident in these verses in Ether 12. I think we also find warnings against such reactions to words in 2 Nephi 28:

...And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God--he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this

Other scriptures also recognize the limitations of language (see, for example, 3 Nephi 5:18)

I think of a wonderful talk by A. Roger Merrill in last year's October General Conference. He talked about receiving by the Spirit. I believe that as we receive by the Spirit, with meekness and charity, the Lord will magnify seemingly weak words and help us understand things that our minds alone cannot understand. He will also overcome our weak tendency to take advantage of others because of their words, or their weakness. The Lord's grace is sufficient for us, and for them. It is our opportunity and responsibility to tap into that grace or I believe we will mourn as we someday discover that we have missed opportunities for spiritual understanding and experiences with gift of charity.

Indeed, words matter, but I believe grace and charity matter more.

New LDS Site for Teens

Here's the link.

Here's a story talking about it.

Environmental Benefits of Keeping the Sabbath?

Whaddya think?

Missionary Meme

BiV, I'm finally getting to that meme! (And I'm doing it because I love you...even though I'm not a huge fan of these things. This is one with some good purpose, so on we go....)

Here are the rules--
1. Answer the three missionary questions

1. Did you serve a mission, and where?
Yes, I served in South America.

2. What was your best missionary experience?
One I wrote about recently...talking for hours with a women who had read the whole Book of Mormon and bombarded us with questions, and finally breaking through to help her understand about authority and ordinances. The other was watching Roberto get baptized, about a week before I left. (That's a funny story, too, because we had to bail out the baptismal font...someone had left it undrained. Yuck.)

3. Who is the most missionary-oriented leader you have ever had?
Hm. Hard one to answer. I think Elder Lynn Mickelsen is one who had the greatest impact on my view of missionary work -- open your mouth, all of the time! Teach in every opportunity! He helped me understand the power of the Spirit when we teach the gospel. His teaching changed my mission and my life, because as I taught more, I received a specific testimony of Joseph Smith's divine calling, something I had desired for a long time.

2. Do the missionary activity and return and report.
Ask a random stranger if they have ever heard about the Mormon Church, and if they would like to know more (Golden Question)
(I'll report when I actually do it!)

3. Tag 5 of your friends.

I tag Eric, Connor, Téa, and Tanya. (Having a mental block for #5)

First Presidency Supports National Adoption Month

Thought this might be of interest.

Keeping Children Safe in our Church Buildings

Parents, don't assume that just because your kids are in the church building, they are safe. This is a sobering story that has me thinking about times my kids were in the hall when I was somewhere with some adults, even just chatting after a ward something-or-another.

http://www.nbc4.com/news/14424638/detail.html

Birth Control at School?

Wow. I am writing a lot this week.

This will be a short one...just a link to a news story that has me still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.

Busy Youth: Clarifying my T&S comment

I made a comment in a T&S conversation last night, but comments are closed and I never got a chance to explain what I was thinking, and some of the comments left me feeling like people might misunderstand me.

The conversation was about Seminary and the busy-ness of youth with the many programs they have. I said, more in a musing mode:

I can’t help but wonder if the repetition in the youth programs is on purpose. If they weren’t busy with good church stuff, isn’t it likely that they’d be busy with other stuff that might not be as wholesome? I think getting youth together to strengthen each other often takes more than once a week. I dunno…I’m not at that stage yet, but I can’t help but think that it’s not redundancy without some intent.

Julie says:

It sounds like you don’t have much confidence in LDS families. I imagine some youth (like those in Adam’s ward) are better off at another YM/YW activity than at home, but others . . . I was thinking of Pres. Packer’s (and others) comments before Mark IV even posted them. Church leaders warn repeatedly that the church isn’t supposed to take the place of the primary unit: the family.

It's not that I don't have confidence in LDS families, it's just that youth are easily pulled into a variety of activities. If they are going to be socializing and busy, why not be doing it with youth in the Church who share their values? I'm NOT advocating useless activities, or overcramming to the point of trying to take over the family's role. This is something Elder Oaks also just talked about, and I think it's obvious that we still don't fully "get it" since our leaders keep repeating this counsel. But at the same time, our leaders haven't removed Seminary, or weekly activities, or BYC, or Scouts, or.... And so I trust that the problem isn't in the structure, its in the implementation.

I also was going off of something my sister has said. She has six children, and holds a busy leadership calling. She expressed to me how she was feeling that things were a bit crazy with all the different activities of all her children, many of them Church-related. In the penultimate Conference, she felt some perspective and felt that it was a good thing that our youth are kept busy with Church activities. There is so much that youth can get busy with that isn't as useful (again NOT to suggest that activities are more important than family; I'm saying something different).

Like I said in my comment, though, I am not at that stage yet, so all of what I said was sort of thinking out loud. I just wanted to be sure that people understood that I am not trying to say the Church should take over the family. That said, our leaders have acknowledged that:

We need both Church activities and family activities. If all families were complete and perfect, the Church could sponsor fewer activities. But in a world where many of our youth grow up in homes where one parent is missing, not a member, or otherwise inactive in gospel leadership, there is a special need for Church activities to fill in the gaps (Dallin H. Oaks, “Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church,” Liahona, Nov 2005, 24–27).

Again, though, his most recent Conference talk really came down hard on church activities that are not focused and purposeful. How we spend our time in our families and in the Church needs to be tightened.

I think Elder Oaks talks about both keeping Church activities tight but also the risk that is there if the Church were to reduce activity time.

Stake presidencies and bishoprics need to exercise their authority to weed out the excessive and ineffective busyness that is sometimes required of the members of their stakes or wards. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their "divinely appointed duties."

But here is a caution for families. Suppose Church leaders reduce the time required by Church meetings and activities in order to increase the time available for families to be together. This will not achieve its intended purpose unless individual family members—especially parents—vigorously act to increase family togetherness and one-on-one time. Team sports and technology toys like video games and the Internet are already winning away the time of our children and youth. Surfing the Internet is not better than serving the Lord or strengthening the family. Some young men and women are skipping Church youth activities or cutting family time in order to participate in soccer leagues or to pursue various entertainments. Some young people are amusing themselves to death—spiritual death.

It cuts both ways. We need to be sure that Church activities count, but also that whatever time we don't spend involved with Church stuff is not spent on good-but-not-essential stuff. A hard balance all around, no?

"Latter-day Saint Women Should be the Very Best..."

There has been much ado about Sister Beck's recent talks. One element of her talks that has gotten a lot of attention is reflected in the title of this post. She asserts that Latter-day Saint women should be the "very best in the world at upholding, nurturing, and protecting families."

Many people have interpreted this as a statement of either self-righteousness or competition -- as if we are somehow to compare ourselves to the world and come out on top. I would like to consider her words in a different light, because I think such interpretations may be misrepresenting her message.

First of all, in all but one of her comments that I could see, Sister Beck didn't say that we are the best. She said that we should be the best. I hear this as an invitation to consider who we are and what we are here to do.

I hear her call to us as being similar to what the Savior said to His followers:

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 5:14-16; see also 3 Nephi 12:14-16; 15:12)

We are a covenant people. As such, we are supposed to be different. The Lord expects something from us. We are asked by the Lord to be a light to the world. I think Sister Beck is calling to us in a similar way. At the end of her Relief Society broadcast talk, she said the following:

Our prophet, whom I sustain with all my heart, has said that there is a better way than the way of the world.

I think Sister Beck is trying to remind us of the need for us to rise above the philosophies and practices of the world. We should understand the importance of faith, family and relief better than anyone because we have the knowledge the restored gospel and continuing revelation give us. There are those outside our faith who are doing MUCH good in these regards, but they don't have the fullness of the gospel to frame what they do and believe. They don't know of temple covenants that bind families together. They may not fully understand the "doctrine of the family" to which Sister Beck refers. But we do (or we should), and it is on our shoulders to put that light on a candlestick and "be the very best" so that, among other things, others can know that there is a better way. There is more light and knowledge about the family than the world knows. How will they know if we don't live what we know?

Does this mean other people can't be or aren't excellent parents, loving Christians, deeply good and God-fearing people? Of course not. Does this mean that we reject the good that others do? Absolutely not. We rejoice in the good others outside the Church do. We stand together with good people all over the world to serve, to defend marriage and to strengthen the family, and to try to make the world a better place. We are deeply grateful for those who respond to the light of Christ in their lives and recognize the importance of God and family above all else.

But we are the only people in the world bound by priesthood covenants to do these things. We are the only group of people led by prophets called as mouthpieces for the Lord Himself. That gives us not a reason to boast, but rather a sobering responsibility.

For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation (D&C 82:3).

I hear Sister Beck expressing hope that we will rise to the duty that is ours to respond to the light that is ours by nature of the blessings of the Restoration. And seek to share that light in word and action. We should be living lives consistent with gospel principles better than anyone, not in a spirit of competition, but simply because we are the ones who know and have them. We can always do better, and I hear our leaders (all of them!) inviting us to do just that.

An Example of Why "Two-deep Leadership" is a Good Idea

This story reiterates to me the importance of always having two adults when a man is working with children: to have an adult witness in case accusations are made. If this man is truly innocent, this is a horrible tragedy in his life.

Thoughts on Sister Becks' Talk

I finally have a moment to write (and not long). So I'll try to follow through on a promise I made to BiV to share my thoughts on Sister Beck's talk.

I listened to it again and took copious notes, so I could not simply be going on first impressions, but focusing more on the specific things she said.

After listening to the talk again, and paying particular attention to what got so much attention, I was struck by how much it seemed people missed in their first impressions. Her talk was about so much more than just housekeeping, or about ironed clothes on Sunday. It was about having a spiritual and eternal perspective in our most important roles and responsibilities.

Everything she addressed in my mind came back to one main thing -- that we need more than ever to be vigilant in focusing on creating an environment in the home where children can best grow spiritually and temporally. We need to prepare them for the future. What comes to mind is what then-Elder Eyring said:

The prophets of God have foreseen the times in which we live. The Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.” Anyone with eyes to see the signs of the times and ears to hear the words of prophets knows that the peril is great. The peril comes from the forces of wickedness. Those forces are increasing. And so it will become harder, not easier, to keep the covenants we must make to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Sister Beck also talked about our perilous times, and how much vigilance we need as parents to make sure our children can face the challenges and responsibilities that lie ahead. If it will be harder as we go along to keep our covenants, that would suggest that we need to raise the bar in what we are doing in our spiritual lives and in our homes. That is what I see Sister Beck doing -- giving guidance on what mothers can do to make sure that they are doing 'all we can do' as leaders in our homes. I hear her reminding us that NOTHING else matters more. This is not new...we constantly hear that family responsibilities come first.

(Important to note is that she talked about being equal partners with our husbands in leading a 'great and eternal organization.')

BiV asked me specifically what my thoughts were on a few specific points, so I'll focus on those specifics first.

Education: Sister Beck said that education is not really worthwhile if we don't use our knowledge to create a climate for spiritual growth. In other words, I hear her saying that education is not an end, it is a means. Too often, I think we approach our goals as ends rather than means to help us help God fulfill His purposes. And too often, we put good things above what is essential. I think that is what she is driving at.

My impression with her words, especially when taken in context with other counsel we have received, is that if we pursue education for the sake of education and primarily for position, prestige and influence outside the home, we are missing the mark. All that we do should come back to God's work and glory, and that is focused on saving souls, particularly those in our families.

The prophets have also encouraged education in large measure as part of welfare principles of preparedness, not simply for personal fulfillment. (Sister Beck addressed the false doctrine of personal fulfillment in her RS talk as well.)

I believe an educated mother can benefit her children and her home in significant ways. The more educated we are, the more education will matter to our children, and the more prepared they will be for their future. Women will also be better able to provide (or help provide) for basic needs if necessary. And they will be better positioned to serve elsewhere (in the community, etc.) as guided by the Spirit. But Sister Beck's ordering of priorities is consistent with prophetic counsel. And it's clear she is inviting us to do more in our homes, which requires doing less elsewhere.

Nurturing, homemaking, etc.: Sister Beck defined nurturing more broadly than what has been focused on by many. She first defined nurturing as cultivating, caring for and making grow. She admonished us to 'create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth.' I think that is the backdrop for her comment that another word for nurturing is homemaking. But note that homemaking doesn't just mean housecleaning. It's making a home -- what I think she defined as a place for spiritual and temporal growth.

PART of helping children grow is being good examples of people who work, people who care about their surroundings. It also includes caring for the physical needs of our families, which means that we cook and clean. She in no way limited nurturing to only housekeeping chores, however. She also never said that men could never help with these things. (Did anyone notice that the picture shown when she mentioned the cooking, cleaning and such showed a DAD helping the children do dishes? I can't believe that was an accident. Again, equal partners work together to make sure these things happen. They work together to make a home. But the Proclamation teaches the rule that mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture and care of the children, because they are the ones who are counseled to be home during the day.)

She also made clear that keeping an orderly home isn't just about physical needs, or temporal training of our children (teaching them how to work), even though those things are important. An orderly home can help with spiritual growth as well.

I should say that perhaps my weakest point in mothering is housekeeping. That is made worse by chronic illness issues. Keeping a spotless house is nearly impossible for me, given my limited energy and my lack of ability in that area. So, sometimes when I hear counsel given to keep a clean house, I feel inadequate and overwhelmed, even depressed. I started down that path with her talk, but as I talked with my husband, I realized, as I am trying to remind myself constantly, that motherhood is a process. And I am trying to make improvements in our home so that we can have more order. I'm trying to rally the troops to do more to help with that. We are working together more in our family toward more cleanliness. Is not the process part of the counsel? Is there not much to be gained in trying to improve, even if the end result isn't perfect? Of course there is. Gospel living is always a process. And there is an Atonement to make up the difference when we have done the "very best we can" (quoting Pres. Hinckley).

I also will add something that brought a great deal of peace and perspective to me. Sister Beck talked about how the value we place on motherhood and attaining attributes of motherhood (even if we don't have children of our own!) will rise with us in the resurrection. Motherhood is about becoming. It is what MATTERS to us that matters to God. None of us will be perfect in what we do, in any facet of our lives. But if we are striving to be better, caring about what matters most, focusing on the 'best' (channeling Elder Oaks) things, the needful things, we will be blessed for our desires. God knows that I care about these things, and I'm trying to make changes toward making my mothering matter more. Isn't that what it's all about? We aren't being given END goals, we are being given guidance on the MEANS to eternally-important ends -- a spiritual home and an eternal family.

As to the Sunday best issue, there is another example of where I fall short, so my natural woman wanted to hide (or be frustrated) when she shared an example of children with pressed dresses and perfect hair.

But then I pondered the principle she was trying to teach. Was it really about appearances? NO. She was sharing an example of the way a woman can teach her children respect and honor for sacred ordinances and covenants. How many of us will get our children primped to perfection for a family photo, or impressing an important somebody (even Grandma) who is coming to dinner, or...(you get the drift). On the flip side, are you ever like me, trying to catch that extra 10 minutes of sleep on Sunday morning (because you stayed up too late Saturday night), and thus rush about, getting after (read: sometimes yelling at) your kids to hurry, only to get to church (frazzled) and look over at children with bed-head or mismatched clothes? If not, kudos to you. But I saw in what she was saying an invitation to give my best to the Lord, and to teach my children that NOTHING else matters more than our relationship with Him.

Immediately after talking about honoring sacred covenants and ordinances, Sister Beck talked about pointing our children to the temple. Would we go wrinkly and messy-haired to the temple? Probably not. (If we do, we probably shouldn't.) But is all this shallow stuff about appearances? No, I believe it's about heart. It's about respect. It's about a spirit of sacrifice and humility. Doesn't the Lord deserve our best efforts? Our best clothes? Our best teaching? Our best example?

This isn't about fodder for criticizing others, either. I'm grateful for kind ward members who understand that mornings are hard for me. But even so, can't I do a little better? Of course I can. And I should do it because I care about doing my best for God and teaching my children that the firstfruits of my life should be God's -- not because I care about what others think of me or my kids, but because I care about giving my best to the Lord...not because He needs it but because I do.

So there are some specific thoughts. I also just wanted to note all of the things that she mentioned that can help create a home that can foster spiritual and temporal growth. Since I'm a visual person, I like to SEE all that she said, to see all the meat that was in her talk.

- Know God, know who we are, make and honor covenants
- Welcome children into our home - it's a commandment that is 'still in force'! (Too many cultures have devalued children. MANY of our leaders have talked about this. As Latter-day Saints, we believe in having children, and that family goals come first.)
- We place value on motherhood and strive to develop the traits of divine motherhood. (That was in my words, but think of that.)
- Point children to the temple.
- Prepare children for missions (have a home as a pre-MTC).
- Help them plan for their ETERNAL FUTURE.
- Teach by example.
- Use our skills and knowledge toward our eternal goals.
- Foster an environment of organization (disorganization is a distraction and an energy drain...ask me, I know!), patience, love and work.
- Work beside children, teach and model qualities that we want our children to emulate (I would add that they will NEED to face the future).
- Work as equal partners in this 'great and eternal organization' -- the family!
- Realize that we are never off-duty. We are teachers, not merely babysitters. (The thought I had is that I should be spent at the end of a day like I was on my mission -- because there I gave ALL I had to that role. I sometimes don't do that as a mom. I hear her inviting me to give more of my heart to this role. As I do, I believe I will be giving more of my heart to the Lord.)
- Help our children prepare to be the future fathers and mothers and church leaders for the next generation; teach them to follow the Lord's pattern, not worldly patterns and social pressures. Teach them to be leaders by being leaders ourselves. (This implies the importance of being spiritually and temporally grounded ourselves.)
- Family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, meal times are all times when we can teach. (We should be constantly teaching! This reminds of another then-Elder Eyring quote:

We have the greatest opportunity with the young. The best time to teach is early, while children are still immune to the temptations of their mortal enemy, and long before the words of truth may be harder for them to hear in the noise of their personal struggles.
A wise parent would never miss a chance to gather children together to learn of the doctrine of Jesus Christ. Such moments are so rare in comparison with the efforts of the enemy. For every hour the power of doctrine is introduced into a child’s life, there may be hundreds of hours of messages and images denying or ignoring the saving truths.
The question should not be whether we are too tired to prepare to teach doctrine or whether it wouldn’t be better to draw a child closer by just having fun or whether the child isn’t beginning to think that we preach too much. The question must be, “With so little time and so few opportunities, what words of doctrine from me will fortify them against the attacks on their faith which are sure to come?” The words you speak today may be the ones they remember. And today will soon be gone.

- Do less; focus on what will bear fruit eternally and reduce that which will not (this includes less media, less distraction, less activities that pull children out of the home)
- Live on less and consume less. (This isn't a save-the-environment plea, although that is a side benefit) -- this was direction given to spend more time with our children.
- We should spend more time eating together, working together, talking, laughing, singing, reading.
- Choose carefully what to do -- don't try to do it all. (Can't remember if she said this here or in the RS broadcast, but we should make sure that we are conserving our energy to focus on the things that matter eternally.)
- We should excel as members of the Church in upholding, nourishing and protecting families. She expresses her confidence that we will rise to this challenge!

There is SO much there!

Discussion-Induced Disappointment Disorder

Update: Julie M. Smith provides a useful remedy for my troubles today, by adding some reason and perspective to the reactions to Sister Beck that dominated discussions today. Yeah for Julie.

Yeah for Keryn, too, who really, really captured the blessings that can come from catching the spirit of what Sister Beck said. Thanks, Keryn!!!!


Ouch.

I just jumped on to check into the pulse of things after Conference. I went from a spiritual high to feeling sick to my stomach. I am deeply disappointed in much of the discussion I saw. I was feeling some of that yesterday, as it seemed that people were just too quick to complain or criticize instead of just soak in the wonder that is Conference weekend.

I love the benefits of discussion. It's why I blog. I love interacting with people and sharing ideas back and forth. But sometimes I think people take things too far. The negativity I have seen today is bordering on shocking to me. I don't want to take away the way discussion can help people sort through thoughts, but there has to be a better way that can keep the spirit of what we heard alive. Much of what I read -- criticism, nitpicking, complaining -- took away from that spirit. It saddened me to hear the people I have grown to care about in the bloggernacle tear apart talks from some of the people I respect and sustain as my leaders.

Our leaders have expressed confidence in us. I'm particularly thinking of Sister Beck and the confidence she has expressed in us as women -- that we will be united, one voice, together behind what she taught as true and correct. I was amazed at how people would pick and choose what they liked and didn't like from last week's Relief Society broadcast (they are a united front, a united presidency -- do we really think that they don't support what the other says, that they haven't talked about what they were going to share?) And today, it's been even worse.

Our leaders aren't simply a bunch of individuals just out to push their individual agendas. I believe they speak as a united group. They spend weeks, if not months, seeking the Lord's guidance and seeking to find what HE would have them say.

I can't imagine that presenting their messages is easy; they speak to a worldwide audience whose individual lives vary in many ways. They only have a few minutes to try to cover deep and crucial topics. Are they perfect? They would be the first to admit that they are not.

And yet, our prophet recommended ALL of Conference to us for our review and pondering. He made no qualification of that recommendation. I am astounded at the level of negativity I have seen. I understand wanting to sort through ideas, but again, there has to be a better way than what I have seen today. Can't we do better?

If there is something we struggle with, something that didn't sit quite right, Elder Eyring gave us the key to what we could do (from the press conference). It was the counsel Pres. Faust gave him -- to go to God. Public criticism and fault-finding and negative hyper-analysis seems wholly inappropriate to me, and distracting from the amazing spirit that was present during this wonderful weekend.

I also think that if we struggle with something one person has said, almost surely someone else will have addressed our concern in another talk. The way I see it, their talks are interconnected, and part of a larger picture that no one person could capture in a 15-minute address. No one talk will be able to cover the vastness of the gospel message, nor of the many ways we could improve living it and enjoying its blessings. I think it is completely unfair to expect one person to say everything we want to hear, or to say something that applies to every single person all of the time, or to cover even all the bases that that person surely wants to cover. Try to imagine it!

I would have hoped for more testimony-building discussion. I leave my computer tonight stunned and disappointed. I will say thanks to those who did report and discuss in positive ways. I will try to read more of your words later. But for now, I am hurting that there could be as much discord and criticism as there was, and the (what feels to me) cavalier assumptions and discussions that somehow seem to imply that any of us could know better than our heaven-called leaders about what should have been said.

Addendum: I want to reiterate that I am not anti-discussion. I just think there are ways we can engage each other without being critical of our leaders and negative in our approach.

Web Conference for National Press Held by the Church

Have y'all heard about this?

Lights Out!

This is great.

The story I read earlier today said that the Church was planning on turning off lights on Temple Square.

Reading some numbers about what a difference five light bulbs can make multiplied by lots of people gives me more motivation to be more careful about turning off lights. You know, sometimes it feels like our little efforts aren't really a drop in the bucket, but if we all do a little....

Money Isn't Everything

I thought this story was worth passing on.

Utah Pandemic Plan -- Input Needed

For all you Utahns, if you haven't heard about this, it's worth a read. I'm thrilled that they are asking for public input. Here's a chance to get involved directly with something that could potentially impact us all personally.

Gotta Love Pres. Hinckley

Pres. Hinckley just received an award. This story captures his delightful personality, his sharp mind, and the impact he has had on many people. I was moved by the prayer given by bishop of the Catholic Diocese in Salt Lake.

It's a story well worth the read.

Thoughts on Church History

The internet has been abuzz with discussions about the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, all the more so since the PBS special that aired a while back, and now the talk about the movie "September Dawn." Surveys have even been conducted, asking Church members how much history they think the Church should share. Discussions such as this one show up not infrequently.

This is a topic on which there is obviously a range of opinions. It's one I have mulled over for months. Several weeks ago, I decided to turn to the Book of Mormon to see if I could find some insight on this topic of history. I searched on the word "history" and was surprised to find only six occurrences of the word. Interestingly, all of them are found within the first three books. I studied those six verses in addition to other related verses, and discovered what I think is a profound scriptural model for handling history.

LDS General Conference Scriptural Index Now Has Talks from 1942-1970!

I was thrilled to see this!

Some Brief Reviews of "September Dawn"

This is probably not new to anyone keeping track of responses to the film, but for those who are interested in a brief story on some of the reviews, you can go here.

Sacrifice

And to think that I have myriad temples within a half-day's drive! Check this out! It's an older blog, but I still think it was worth a look.

Thoughts on the Bloggernacle, Panel

There has been much discussion about the much-discussed panel (and about the bloggernacle as a result -- after seeing a link to this blog post, I wanted to point out that the comma in the title was deliberate!), and I want to throw in my few cents' worth.

First of all, I listened to the recording, and thought the panelists all did a good job. Although I think Kaimi greatly overstated the fraction of the church elephant that the bloggernacle represents, I thought he came up with an interesting analogy. I loved Kristine's more personal approach; she read some powerful blog posts and interesting comments. And for all that Russell said he would be boring, he wasn't. I thought his analysis was well done and well presented. I particularly liked that he recognized the limitations of blogging, but recognized its strengths (conversation and interaction).

And then there was Lisa.

Anyone who has ever listened to her will know that she is funny, fun, and real. She's really a delight to listen to, personable and honest. (I will say that she needs to stop apologizing for who she is or what she think she is not.. She doesn't need a Ph.D. to communicate and to communicate well. :) )

Her honesty is something I appreciated in this panel. When the topic of the panel came up at DMI Dave's blog, I agreed with something said C Jones said about conservatives being somewhat excluded from the bloggernacle. I have seen this dynamic multiple times, and have repeatedly experienced it first hand in the year+ I have been blogging. I have close friends who have also felt this exclusion, to the point of essentially retreating and more or less giving up on commenting, particularly on the "big blogs." Just because some very, very small conservative blogs exist doesn't mean that the bloggernacle is fundamentally a welcoming place for conservatives. It's often not.

And yet, Lisa is possibly the first person I have heard who has so publicly and clearly admitted and recognized this. I read comments and emails from people who say that they care about community (and I believe they do) but few seem to really acknowledge the fact that there is a serious rift in this community or express a desire to do something about it. (I do remember reading a couple of good posts on BCC, one that was fairly recent, that tried to address the potential lack of community. I also have appreciated watching Deborah and Kathryn Lynard Soper recently try to build a bridge of understanding and camaraderie. I'd love to see more of this!)

I'm not saying the rift exists 100% of the time, and I do know that there are those who care deeply about this divide, but it seems there is often a sense of denial and/or defensiveness when the subject is broached. And the rift exists enough to make conservatives sometimes feel unwelcome, hesitant, even driven out. Unless this changes (getting to the question the panel set out to address), I don't see how we could think of the bloggernacle as really representative of Mormonism if it tends to exclude some of the very voices that are more typical of mainstream Mormonism.

So, back to Lisa. I actually couldn't decide whether to cheer or to cry when she quipped that (paraphrasing): "We berate conservatives/orthodox [her words] folks because we don't want to hear what we hear at church" and "we nudge some people like that out, because after all, if they want to talk churchy stuff, they can go somewhere else and do it in their own space." (For now, I'll try to ignore the fact that those in attendance laughed when she joked about berating conservative folks. Imagine if the tables were turned at church. Is berating or nudging someone out ever funny?)

Now, before you go all wonky on me (loved that word; I'm stealing it from Lisa), please don't misunderstand. I totally recognize and appreciate the fact that some people need a place where they can go to sort through their mind vomit (another one of Lisa's clever terms) and to come to grips with dissonance they might feel between the church and some of their personal perspectives. I understand that some people have had bad experiences with people in their family or in their church circle totally dismissing their questions and concerns, and/or unkindly "calling them to repentance." This should not be. Wherever we are, we need to feel loved and listened to, in spite of our questions or concerns or weaknesses. I feel saddened that people like Lisa feel excluded at church and have turned to the bloggernacle for a feeling of acceptance and support. And I am glad that some people have found reasons to stay, thanks to the bloggernacle. I tend to agree that a lot of these discussions really can't happen in a 30-minute Sunday-school lesson.

I do think, though, that we need to somehow learn to talk more freely with fellow church members in our real lives about our struggles. But, alas, I'm getting ahead of myself.

My blogging experience has given me a greater appreciation for the fact that we are all at different places in our journey of faith, and if we turn to God, however and wherever we can, He can bless us and help us move forward. I feel that I have learned better how to listen (even if people don't believe that's true), and I have gained more understanding of different points of view. This is extremely important to me, and it's a big reason why I blog.

But, to be honest, I think that "liberals" don't often take the time to really understand "conservatives'" point of view. Perhaps because conservative points of view have added to people's pain and struggle, I feel sometimes these perspectives are too easily and quickly dismissed. The "I get that at church" mindset often seems to create a barrier to listening and seeking to understand.

So if I may, I want to say this: Just because you hear similar thoughts at church doesn't mean that you really understand those like me who blog, and it doesn't mean our motives are the same as those who may have caused you pain (if their motives were truly malignant). We wouldn't be blogging if we weren't interested in discussion beyond what happens at church as well, so perhaps it's NOT all like what you get at church. :)

And please, please, don't assume that by sharing church-like thoughts, someone's intentions are to self-righteously call someone to repentance, to call someone else an apostate, or to try to shut down discussion. (These are all arguments I have seen repeatedly and usually unfairly used to shut down (nudge out) commenters like me.) Most of the time, people like me are also trying to work through our own thoughts, to understand others' points of view, and sometimes, yes, to represent the oft-underrepresented and -unspoken mainstream point of view. After all, people ARE turning to the bloggernacle more and more for understanding of Mormonism. If we don't allow for mainstream points of view, what kind of disservice might we be doing to the Church and to those who want to understand it?

I've talked about the problem of exclusion of conservatives, and addressed concerns about the public face of the bloggernacle. I have another bloggernacle concern that relates to all of this.

I think that as long as there are divisions -- "ites" if you will -- like liberal and conservative, orthodox and new order (don't know if those are actual opposites, but you get where I'm going), feminist and not-so-feminist, mainstream and closer-to-the-edge, we (either on- or off-line) won't truly be able to be a community. Of course, as Elder Holland recently explained, the blessings of church membership come with a price, and we cannot simply remove the price tag at will, even for the sake of community. But so often, we have rifts between those of us who are striving to pay the price, those for whom church membership is a precious element of life. In fact, I feel that sometimes more effort is made to reach out to those not of or formerly of our faith, rather than to those who might be different from us within the faith.

If all we do is find our corner of the internet to simply be comfortable without sometime, somehow learning to come together in spite of our differences, I think we are missing the full meaning and purpose of our membership. It's not just about personal peace. It's about being one in a community, united in Christ.

I think J. Daniel Crawford said it well in the post I linked to above:

If we were one in Christ, I believe that we would be encouraged to treat everyone as a whole person, not simply as an amalgam of desirable and undesirable characteristics [might I add points of view?].... If we have [the love of Christ] I don’t believe our goal would be to create and reinforce the divisions among us. Instead, we would be bound in one great whole.

I hope that especially those who have power and influence in the bloggernacle will give some consideration to these wise words. Actually, though, I think it is something we all need to consider. I think too often, we allow ourselves to stay stuck in mindsets and modes of interaction that reinforce and facilitate the divisions and contentions that the Lord has asked us to leave behind. I think that only through a love and a unity that binds us together in spite of insecurities, struggles, frustrations, and even misunderstandings will we hope to come close to representing what the gospel and the church are about. Because ultimately, the gospel and church are about the Savior and His saving grace and about coming unto Him, and doing it together -- not about polygamy, or the Word of Wisdom, or politics, or most of the other comment-driving, conversation-producing, controversial topics we may discuss. I think we need to do better about helping people see that side of our faith that so far, the press has largely missed.

Actually, sometimes I think we miss it, too.

The Circle of Life

I said good-bye to Grandma today, probably for the last time.

Grandpa may be losing his mind, but his body is strong, so I might see him again.

But probably not Grandma.

I wasn't really prepared for it all. I came to the family reunion specifically knowing that it might be the last time I see them. I knew they weren't doing well, but....

I had the privilege of sitting next to Grandma. Of holding her soft hand. Of feeding her spoonfuls of yogurt. Of giving her glimpses of who and what she couldn't see. She would break into a huge grin when she would hear the sweet sound of the small children's laughter and chatter.

She kept talking of how much she wished she could see all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren who had gathered to honor her and Grandpa. I tried to communicate the love and honor that we feel. Tears came to my eyes as she simply turned the glory to God. Her humility in her suffering touched me.

Indeed, God has been so good to us. And how can I be anything but grateful to have had loving grandparents who have lived for this long, and to have so many wonderful, wonderful memories?

But with the gratitude, of course, comes great sadness. I finally had to take a walk to let the tears flow. They flowed again as Dad wheeled Grandma away toward the car. The realization of the temporary finality of it all was too much for me.

The emotion is draining, and I also find myself in a reflective mood. How strange it was to be at Grandma and Grandpa's house, but not to be the one splashing in the pool. I and my cousins and siblings are the parents now, and our parents are now the grandparents. I watched my dad holding one of my nephews and wondered what the next couple of decades will bring for us all as the circle of life continues.

This process of birth, life and death is a rich and fulfilling one. But it's also sobering. Time passes, and it passes quickly. Moments like these cause me to reflect on the importance of savoring life's stages, of making memories that can last, of putting God and family first.

Someday my children will sit by the side of their grandparents as they prepare to pass on. I hope they will feel the joy that I have felt that comes of sweet memories, of fun, of love, of the treasure that is family.

A Couple More Links

In a recent conversation elsewhere, I said that I'm not sure that the Founding Fathers would have wanted decisions made (such as what to do about marriage in our nation) without the consideration of moral -- even religious -- principles. I just wanted to provide a couple of links (here and here) that expound a bit more (better than I could) on the topic.

I could add here that two of my "non-religious" concerns with gay marriage relate to Constitutional rights: religious rights (see this article for an interesting discussion of this topic) and free speech rights. I am concerned that these rights could be threatened if gay rights prevail.

Please note that what I said earlier when I posted on this topic applies to these posts as well:

I realize this is an issue many people are tired of discussing. If that describes you, please feel free to ignore what I have said. It might be better if you do. :) I also realize how strongly people can feel about this topic. I respectfully ask that any comments be about the information, issues, and concerns that have been brought up, and not include personal attacks (or attacks on my faith or my Church) or bullying. If you have evidence to counter my concerns, by all means, feel free to share. I don't pretend to have a full understanding of this issue.

I do moderate comments. Inflammatory, attacking comments will either be edited or left out entirely. I don't expect that everyone will agree, and I'm open to listening to any point of view as long as it keeps on the topic at hand and I feel it remains respectful. Thank you.

"The Social Value of Traditional Marriage"

Elder Bruce C. Hafen spoke at the World Congress on Families in May of this year. Here is a link to his talk.

I include this in part because some people have asked what some of my more "non-religious" concerns are with gay marriage. This talk reflects some of them. (For example, note his extensive comments about the problems that have (and continue to) come as individual rights are put before the welfare of society as a whole; the concerns about less-than-ideal situations for children (where the ideal is to be raised by biological parents); and the potential threat to democratic society if marriage is undermined (although my concerns regarding democracy take a different road than his).)

While I realize that some will want to take issue with some of his points (I think I can predict which ones will get the most reaction), I think he makes a good case for leaving marriage as it has always been defined: between a man and a woman.

Learning a bit About Minerva Teichert

This was a fun story. Maybe you knew more about her than I did, but I learned something. (I never knew there was such a thing as an art mission. Did you?)

Sex Offenders on MySpace

I found this news story frightening.. 29,000 is a big number. Parents, be aware.

Home Teaching Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

Just when you thought you had heard it all....

Forgiving My Husband and My Children

Saturday, my hubby and children were gone all day. And they had the One Harry Potter Book that we had agreed to limit ourselves to. Not really wanting to wait for them to get home, having recently had major headaches that make it harder to read, and feeling like pampering myself a little, I bought the CD version of the book at Costco (one of the last copies in the whole city, I dare say). I got a good four or five hours of housework done, cooked dinner for the family that ended up eating elsewhere (no, that's not what I need to forgive them for), and of course, was entranced by Book 7 as I have been with the entire series. (And if you haven't heard the narration by Jim Dale, you must find a copy just to hear how he does the different voices. Simply fabulous!)

Anyway, I found out that during the day, hubby asked his sister how the book ended. Realizing that he has his agency, but still incredulous, I made it clear in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that I wanted to know NOTHING about what happens. I made sure he told our son, who also wanted to know the ending. (C'mon, what's the point of reading if you know how it ends???) I thought I made it abundantly clear. (Incidentally, busy hubby claimed that since he knew, he felt no need to read the book. Famous last words. My non-night-person husband stayed up until 4:00 the other morning to finish it. :) )

Anyway, not that I'm surprised, but little ears and little mouths can not easily be stopped, and little minds have short memories, especially when it comes to having secret information that must carry with it a sense of power. When family got home Saturday, I doubt there was much after a brief greeting before my two youngest blurted out how the book ends! The next day, they added more that they learned as their brother had read and shared more.

Alas, my sense of forgiveness is tested to the limit!

(The CDs take longer than reading, so I'm still lagging behind most of you. Don't test my limits any more, please. DON'T TELL! :) :) )

A Night to Remember

For one of his Faith in God requirements, our son, JJ, gave our Family Home Evening lesson tonight. He kept the topic a secret (as we read over the options in the Faith in God booklet, I left it up to him to choose). He was clearly excited to give the lesson, and prepared it completely on his own.

We sat on the couch. He asked us all to go find our scriptures, which we did. He pulled out a tray (the kind with legs that you use when you have more guests than table room), which he used as his pulpit. And he began a review of scriptures on the Holy Ghost. He asked us to share what these scriptures meant, and shared his own thoughts.

If I wasn't moved and impressed alraedy, then he did something that surprised and thrilled me. He said, "I have one other scripture to share. I wasn't planning on doing this, but...." He asked us to turn to Matthew 11, verses 28 through 30, verses he had shared just last night during family scripture study. I was impressed with his ability to lead us through these verses, asking Dad to read the first, me to read the second, and RS to read the third. He then asked us to share what we thought these verses had to do with the lesson.

And then he shared his thoughts. "I wasn't planning on sharing these scriptures. I thought, 'But I just shared them last night' (which he had; he's excited about the New Testament right now and is reading it). But I felt like I should share them. And I think that it means that we can feel the rest of the Lord through the Holy Ghost."

Of course, I can't remember his exact words, but the maturity and depth that he showed tonight was almost more than a mother of an eight-year-old could hope for. He had an impression and acted on it, even as it didn't make sense to his mind. He saw the connection between this scripture he has grown to love and the topic he had chosen tonight. And he concluded his lesson by bearing his testimony, a testimony that brought a calm to the room that was palpable.

It was definitely a night to remember!

When Children Ask Hard Questions

When children ask hard questions, I believe they are opportunities. I also realize that they can be very, very difficult moments when the questions our children ask hit on the very questions we have ourselves. These in my mind are pivotal mini-crossroads moments. It's important not to sweep their questions under the rug (and FWIW, I hope it's clear that I'm not advocating this). We can acknowledge their concerns (even commisurate with them as appropriate). The fact that they care and are asking questions is a good thing, and we want them to always feel they can. But I think the opportunity comes in helping them look and live beyond their questions. Rather than leave them with their questions hovering in their minds, we can add a "but" to our "I don't know" or "I have the same questions sometimes."

"But do you know that God cares about your questions and you can talk to Him about them anytime?"
or
"But can I share what I do know?"
or
"But even though I don't understand everything and sometimes wish I knew more, I do feel peace about...."

Our children are so observant with what they see, but without our teaching and guidance, they may not know to what Source to look for help in their moments of confusion, fear, pain, sorrow or questioning.

I guess for me I know of no other satisfactory way to approach ANY of the hard questions of life -- the ones my childrens have, or the ones I have. When they come to me with questions (even those that I myself have, and this has happened), I try to explore faith with them, to teach what I hope for and believe in in the eternal scheme of things, and to hope that the Spirit will help them (and me!!) find peace and reconciliation in spite of the pain and struggle and unfairness, real or perceived. (Sometimes it's in the teaching that the Spirit can help us as parents increase our own faith in our own questioning and struggles!) God cares about our pain and questions (I'm learning this more and more and believing it more and more)and I think we need to help our children learn that turning to Him is always the best answer, no matter what the question.

(The following was added after the original post went up because I think this talk is relevant. Besides, I want the reminder and think it's a good one for any parent!)

Elder Holland's talk reminds us that we can't speak enough of our faith to our children, even if it's solid and firm (and especially, I would suppose) if we struggle a bit along the way. The whole talk is well worth a read.

I think some parents may not understand that even when they feel secure in their own minds regarding matters of personal testimony, they can nevertheless make that faith too difficult for their children to detect. We can be reasonably active, meeting-going Latter-day Saints, but if we do not live lives of gospel integrity and convey to our children powerful heartfelt convictions regarding the truthfulness of the Restoration and the divine guidance of the Church from the First Vision to this very hour, then those children may, to our regret but not surprise, turn out not to be visibly active, meeting-going Latter-day Saints or sometimes anything close to it.... [YIKES!]

Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can....And bear your testimony! Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own....

[M]ight we ask ourselves what our children know? From us? Personally? [Read through his list of what they should know and see and feel from us...testimony of scriptures, prayer and fasting (for them as well as for other things), temple, prophets, and especially of God and His Son.]

...Brothers and sisters, our children take their flight into the future with our thrust and with our aim. And even as we anxiously watch that arrow in flight and know all the evils that can deflect its course after it has left our hand, nevertheless we take courage in remembering that the most important mortal factor in determining that arrow’s destination will be the stability, strength, and unwavering certainty of the holder of the bow.

When I read this talk several months ago (and again refresh my mind on these sobering teachings), I realized that I can - indeed, must - do better. And I once again resolve to take moments when my children ask hard questions (and even when they don't...to find every opportunity I can) to testify with "powerful heartfelt convictions" so that there is NO question in their minds how I feel about the gospel, and so their tender seeds of faith (and my growing tree) can be fed at every possible opportunity.

ipod Intro Video

It's a little goofy, but interesting to see it all at work (if you haven't already). Go to the bottom of this page for the YouTube video.

Church Milestones: 1 Million Missionaries, 13 Million Members!

This was a fun story to read! The work continues to move forward!

Update: This story contains more information, including "snapshots" of "new missionaries sent out" since the Church was restored.

New Hinckley Building Dedication to be Broadcast Live from BYU

If you are interested in this, you can find more information here.