Friday, August 07, 2009

Random Thoughts

I just added a bunch of friends, all of whom I have met through blogging. For all that I have a love/hate relationship with blogging (sometimes I have let it suck too much of my time and focus), it has really changed my life in so many wonderful ways. And one of the greatest impacts it has had has been allowing me to connect with some Really. Amazing. Women.

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I am down to less than two weeks until school starts and I am feeling so sad. My list of all the wonderful things we were going to do (no, really, THIS summer we were gonna tackle them) seems so terribly un-checked-off.

My mind goes back to Young Women's days, when I was tortured by the goals I set and never accomplished as I would have liked to, when my leaders had to finally help me see that I was already accomplishing much in my life. That just because my life and my lists didn't match up perfectly didn't mean I was a big failure.

Sometimes I wish I had a leader to sit me down and tell me that same thing now. Sometimes it makes me want to get rid of the lists.

We did make it to the library this week, though.

But then I think -- why does the list need to involve GOING somewhere in order to be legitimate? Sometimes I wonder if there is an unwritten something that makes us all think that motherhood is about doing stuff that is tangible and list-able. Maybe sometimes (more often than not?) it's not. So much of it is just about being here, isn't it?

And that's some of what is interesting, too, about summer. I feel more than ever during these weeks and months that a key part of my role is just to be here. To facilitate the flow of life. To help, to answer questions, to keep tabs on who is where (and, on good days, on who needs to do what -- I shouldn't tell you how many times we have forgotten Webelos. Sigh), to call out "Who's dat?" whenever I hear the door open, to smile and hand out snacks when friends come....

It's no wonder some of those to-dos don't get done, because there are so few actual stretches of uninterrupted time!

(I am going to cut myself some slack, too, because I feel yucky most of the time. These last few months have been HARD. Migraines stink.)

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Hubby is busy busy busy. We look forward to things maybe calming down here in a week or two. Or not. Does it ever really calm down?

Hm. Better go for not.

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I haven't even written about how I have not attended my ward this year (or I wrote and forgot). (Health issues and early (EARLY!) schedule didn't work together.) With the ward boundary changes that happened, I have actually attend this other ward for longer than I was with my own ward.

I get to give a talk next week on the temple. I look forward to it.

10 comments:

FelixAndAva said...

As far as wards and schedules go, we wound up with our Stake President deciding to let us move records to a ward that meets in the afternoon (and yes, we'll be switching in January), since my husband's work schedule makes morning meetings basically impossible (about like asking most people to come to church at 5am). I do sympathize with that problem.

m_and_m said...

I never had my records transferred, but did have bishop's approval.

It was complicated by the fact that my fam stayed in our home ward...with hubby's calling (organist) and kids in new primary, we decided it would be better not to rock that boat.

It's been a hard year, but by the same token, I have met people I probably never would have met otherwise. I actually look forward to being able to take a minute to tell them how much they have meant to me during this difficult year.

Thanks for the sympathy, btw. :)

sylvia/ticklethepear said...

and even longer ago than the blog world...lds-grads and other listervs. I still keep in touch with so many lds-gradders!

Annette Lyon said...

Our summer has felt very similar--I feel as if in some ways, we've done a lot of fun things (largely AT HOME), but when the kids go back to school and they have to write a paper on what they did, it won't include anything fancy like a National Park or Disneyland. And yes, it's been a hard headache summer for me too. So you have my sympathies there.

Jill said...

I know what you mean about blogs and the love/hate relationship with them. For me though, the love far outweighs the time it takes. With each blog I read I feel I have stepped into a another's life, and I learn something most every time.
You, for example....you write from your heart, from your soul.

Papa D said...

My blogging has dropped precipitously, a little because I have stopped blogging completely at a couple of sites where I once was very active but mostly because of my new job requirements (that I LOVE). I don't have a hate relationship, largely because I have walked away from the most frustrating sites, but I no longer feel the drive to blog that I once had.

To everything there is a season, I suppose.

m_and_m said...

BTW, FelixandAva, I don't envy your work schedule situation. That' just gotta be tough -- and not just for church! That affects your every-day life!

Sylvia, friend, it's YOU who got me introduced to blogging. I have thought of that chain of events often, and am grateful for that. And yes, my interest in this online discussion world started way back when. Kinda funny to think about that -- back when my email was still in Unix. :)

Annette -- YES. Some of that 'what did you do this summer' stuff came already from teachers. I worried about whether my kids would feel like they somehow had a deprived summer. I hope not. I actually like the lazy days when they just play to their hearts' content.

Jill, I, too, love blogging for so many reasons, and you have captured some of them. Thanks for your kind words, too.

Papa D., you know I'm grateful for amazing men I have 'met' too, right? I just happened to have added a bunch of women, and a lot of what I'm doing now involves women, so.... :) I, too, have reduced my involvement a lot in the usual blogging sense. p.s. SOOOO glad to hear you are loving your job. SO GLAD!

Sage said...

I always love reading your comments on Segullah, so clicked on your name. My husband has migraines too. They definitely stink. He has found Excedrin helps. I think it's the caffeine. Hope you find relief.

Blogging is such an interesting phenomenon. I too enjoy how it allows me to know other people's lives more intimately. I love what you said about the whole goal-keeping thing. I hear you! My summer always turns out differently than I plan it. Beginning plans: I'll teach my kids Spanish lessons, yoga, piano, crafts, etc....I am going to read with my kids (instead of mostly to myself)...and then reality doesn't match very well. Thanks for validating that my presence will make a difference!

FelixAndAva said...

I used to have a friend (male) who swore Midol worked wonders on his migraines. Maybe try that?

m_and_m, you're right that simply living a normal life is a challenge working around DH's work schedule, plus the fact we only have one car, so I have to plan ahead to be able to get the car, or take public transit (DH can't, it doesn't run near his workplace that late) which is a pain in very hot weather.

m_and_m said...

Sage, I think we keep trying to do what we think is right, trying to spend time w/ our kids...but I just sometimes wonder if we set too high of a mark, or if we let cultural expectations of what 'should' happen during the summer (everyone else is doing ______) affect us. It's a hard balance...I don't want to excuse times when I should be doing more, but I don't want to beat myself up, either, ya know?)

To you and Felix_and_Eve, thanks for the suggestions on migraines. Unfortunately, mine are beyond the reach of OTC drugs. I have some prescriptions that sometimes can take the edge off, maybe. Still not sure. I kinda just have to adjust to them being part of my life right now. Bummer. Thanks for caring, though. I appreciate it!