Thursday, May 28, 2009

Even if you aren't a Dr. Laura fan....

(yes, I'm in a blog spurt mode today)

Whether or not you like Dr. Laura, I think good principles are worth sharing, and this post to me is worth sharing.

The power of truth is real. It's what is my quest in my personal life right now. I wish I had understood more of the principles she talks about years ago.

Better late than never, though.

8 comments:

Naismith said...

The problem is, things are not as black-and-white as all that. Two contrary truths can and do exist at the same time.

My husband is a jerk who never puts gas in the car, never kisses me when he walks in, and plops on the couch after dinner. But my husband also empties the dishwasher every morning, is a considerate lover, and is very funny.

So I choose to look at the good stuff and that's what keeps us married.

And I think that part of living the gospel is choosing the good stuff out there. Not ignoring the reality of the bad, but refusing to let it have power in our lives. Many would describe the latter as being in denial, however.

jendoop said...

Her post is interesting. I definately see what she does as a part of the psychotherapy process. What I have a hard time with is the fact that she opens people up to these painful truths when she doesn't know much about them. Do they have a support system to deal with the aftermath of her digging?

Because people who call her know what she is about, I think they do want to have the blinders removed. It's what they are asking for by picking up the phone.

The other thing I worry about is her example. Are the people that listen to her picking up on her methods with people and utilizing them in their own lives. That could be dangerous when people aren't trained in psychotherapy or think that the way Dr. Laura acts on her show is appropraite for everyday life. But I haven't listened to Dr. Laura in a long time...

If we were exposed to all our "truths" at once, I think we'd be crippled by the sheer weight of it. We need some nievete about ourselves to work on issues one at a time, line upon line. Don't be too hard on yourself :)

Michelle said...

I don't think she would necessarily disagree with the notion of contrary truths. To choose to respond in a loving way to some elements of truth is not the same thing, imo, as burying them in an unhealthy way. We choose to act and not be acted upon. But you can't really choose without knowledge, and to me that is what she is getting at. The truth shall set you free and all of that.

Naismith, personally, I think your last paragraph summarizes why she does what she does. Knowing truth and refusing to have negative truth have power -- that's agency, and that's something she talks about, imo.

jendoop, I agree with soem of your concerns, but I suppose people konw what they are getting into when they call her.

and I agree that we'd be overwhelmed if all our layers were taken off at once. I'm pretty sure the ones that were pretty shocking to me were ones I wasn't ready for until a few years ago. So yes, line upon line is important. Thanks for your thoughts.

m_and_m said...

I don't think she would necessarily disagree with the notion of contrary truths. To choose to respond in a loving way to some elements of truth is not the same thing, imo, as burying them in an unhealthy way. We choose to act and not be acted upon. But you can't really choose without knowledge, and to me that is what she is getting at. The truth shall set you free and all of that.

Naismith, personally, I think your last paragraph summarizes why she does what she does. Knowing truth and refusing to have negative truth have power -- that's agency, and that's something she talks about, imo.

jendoop, I agree with soem of your concerns, but I suppose people konw what they are getting into when they call her.

and I agree that we'd be overwhelmed if all our layers were taken off at once. I'm pretty sure the ones that were pretty shocking to me were ones I wasn't ready for until a few years ago. So yes, line upon line is important. Thanks for your thoughts.

Janelle said...

Dr. Laura...

Oh dear. So many good and bad things happen with Dr. Laura.

One time my friend completely offended me by gifting me a Dr. Laura's book with a little note on how to be a better wife.

After reading it (for book group - not for my friend) and becoming a better wife, my husband recently regifted the book to our sister in law.

That did not go down well.

And speaking to what Jen said..."Are people that listen to her picking up on her methods and using them in their own lives?" Well I don't listen to the Dr. Laura talk show but did watch another TV show called Starting Over a few years ago. It was a wonderful show but the Life Coaches kept suggesting that it was just best to get stuff out into the open, to go ahead and have the hard coversations.

Oh brother. I opened the biggest can of worms for myself one time when I was on vacation with my husband's family. Open and honest are only effective communication strategies when coupled with love. Some things DO NOT need to be said. I learned this the hard way.

Peeling other people's layers off when they are not ready can be very damaging. I find it more effective to just say to people, "It's OK to have problems." Somehow just acknowledging that there are issues makes everyone feel better. If they choose to talk more about it, well I'll listen. If they ask for advice, I'll do my best. But, I will never use the Dr. Laura approach to get to the heart of a matter again. Truth can be found without using inflamatory words or the over simplification of huge problems.

I did like the post though, especially in regards to diagnosis. I did exactly what she said when I was diagnosed with RA. I was weepy for a while and then got to work. Knowledge was comforting and powerful in that regard.

m_and_m said...

Oh, dear. Janelle's post made me realize I should clarify something.

I didn't post this advocating sticking truth in people's faces like Dr. Laura does (she IS paid to do that, though, and people call her knowing that she will, so I give her some leeway, even as I don't always like her approach, style, or tone).

BUT, I do think the personal quest for truth is powerful. And that is why I posted this.

Whew. Shoulda clarified that from the get-go.

Jill said...

And here I thought I was the only one who listened to Dr. Laura. I have 2 of my favorite calls of hers on my blog. Just look to the right of my blog and you will see them listed there, if you would like to listen to them.

Sage said...

Such good points. I think getting to the heart of the matter is important---when you are ready for it. I think it took about sixteen years for some truths to be said between my husband and me. We were ready then, but before our lives were intertwined and our loved reinforced, those truths might have been damaging instead of helpful.

I agree that Dr. Laura is abrasive, but effective and usually right.

I like what was said about acknowledging that everyone has problems and leaving it at that. People have to be ready to hear things/or to change on their own.

Thanks for sharing.