What does it mean to be feminine?

A new YW Personal Progress Program will be coming out soon. The new books will be pink. The color choice is very deliberate. Sister Dalton explains:

We are excited about the color of pink, because we think these young women are pink. They resonate to the softness and the femininity of that color. We want them to understand that they are soft, they are unique, they are feminine and that they don't have to be like the boys, to focus on femininity, on the softness of young women.

That word "soft" is bugging some people. And yet, I think there is meaning we can get from mulling over it a bit. Here are some of my thoughts.

Even though I think sometimes it's hard to talk about what femininity is (language is limited, or at least can be (very) charged, as seen sometimes when the topic of femininity is discussed and frustration is expressed about some teachings on the subject). And yet, femininity is valued and talked about by our leaders. (Sis. Dalton definitely isn't the first one to address this subject of femininity. See, for example, here, here, here, and here.)

FWIW, I grew up a tomboy (e.g., only girl in shop class, twice (sooo fun!); very active in sports growing up (including only girl playing basketball with the boys for recess way back when); had hobbies that were more masculine, like doing models; etc.). I studied a field that had an 80/20 ratio of men to women in the classroom, and ratios more on the male side professionally as well. I'm more naturally suited to a board room than a kitchen or nursery or Primary class. I am not instinctively a huge fan of pink (my baby blankie was blue...maybe that has something to do with it - hehe), and I don't particularly care for frills and trendy or girly stuff. And sometimes I can have a hard time processing what "feminine" should mean for me.

But I have found value in pondering how I might be able to be more feminine. I feel I can embrace that concept while still embracing my personality and interests. I don't know that I will ever be a "typical" female in some ways (whatever we think that may mean), but I do believe that there is power in rejoicing in the concept of femininity -- whatever God may guide each of us to discern what that means for us individually, magnifying unique gifts, talents, and strengths, not necessarily taking away from them.

I think sometimes these kinds of ideas (such as what it means to be feminine) are rejected outright because they either feel too vague, or because they may feel like cookie-cutters to some -- that somehow it's all about molds and stereotypes and expectations that we can't or don't fulfill. I think, rather, we can think of them as guideposts to carefully consider and prayerfully apply, as guided through the Spirit. Something may not seem to "fit" at first, but I think time and patience can sometimes show that even principles that didn't click initially can yield impiortant fruit.

As I think about it, I think the new youth theme ("Be strong and of a good courage") and the concept of femininity can actually go hand in hand. I say this because I believe there is power in womanhood. I've been pondering this concept for years, and although I can't fully articulate it all, I can say that I have felt very strongly the reality that women bring something unique and important to the plan of God -- both collectively and individually. And I think the more we can seek guidance in how to be more "feminine" the better instruments in God's hands we women can be.

So, as I ponder the word "soft," I think of things like the following:

Soft can be a soft answer (Prov 15:1) and soft words (Job 41:3) or a 'soft tongue' (Prov 25:15). (The Spirit's voice is sometimes described as soft, such as here or here.)

It can include a soft heart. (e.g., Job 23:16)

Or "lead[ing] on softly" (Gen. 33:14).

Or being a soft place for others to fall.

It could tie into being soft-spoken (hard for someone as opinionated and vocal as I can be).

I think it also has something to do with being (or seeking to be) nurturers. Think of the "soft" sciences, for example -- they have to do more with people and relationships. (I'm NOT saying that those fields are the only ones women should pursue -- I'm just mulling over the word "soft" and how it is sometimes used.)

More thoughts, anyone?

An Unexpected Christmas Gift

As I wrapped presents and set them under the tree on Christmas Eve, I had the thought to keep some of the presents hidden away. I debated within myself, but finally decided I would. We wouldn't have a lot of time to open presents in the morning anyway, since we had to get up and get on our way to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Yes, that would work -- we'd spread our own little family's Christmas out a little -- after all, we've never been the rush-through-the-present-opening types. (I use Christmas as a time to give our children things they need -- I hold onto clothes and supplies and other practical things during the year and wrap them all up for the fun of it at Christmas.)

The children enjoyed having some unexpected gifts to open when we got home. But I enjoyed being able to enjoy the gift-opening. That little thought to hold off on some of the presents was a very unexpected little blessing for me.

You see, I have a sleep disorder, and I had taken some of my sleep meds to catch a couple more hours of sleep before leaving for my parents' home this morning. Before I went back to sleep, though, I spent precious time with my family while the children opened what was under the tree.

But I don't remember most of it.

You see, a side effect of the drug I take is the possibility of amnesia-like memory loss while the drug is active. It must have been a combination of the amount I had taken during the night in combination with the timing of the gift-giving (after the drug had already started to take effect), but it pretty much wiped out most of my memory of what happened this morning. (Yeah, I am still freaking out a little about it, actually. It's an awful feeling not to be able to pull the memories out of my head.)

And I am really sad.

Pres. Packer said this:

I know of few things on this earth quite so celestial as the face of a little youngster, happy, hopeful, and believing, with Christmas almost here. That is the gift that children give to parents at Christmastime.

I love that part of Christmas, but I didn't get that gift this morning.

But because of that little thought to tuck away some presents, I got the gift tonight.

Who knows if that is the reason I had that thought last night to tuck away a few presents, but I'm grateful for the little tender mercy that it was to enjoy a few moments with my children - and to remember them!

As a p.s., I recommend that entire article by Pres. Packer. I hope to write more of my thoughts on it later.

Shawna Belt Edwards' "Do You Have Room?" video

Merry Christmas!



For sheet music or a free MP3, see here.

If you have a minute, read through some of the emails Shawna received this month after sharing her song and inviting people to share how they make room for the Savior.

Do You Have Room for the Savior?

A friend of mine wrote this beautiful song. The video is no longer available, but you can listen to the song, find information about how to download a free MP3, and get free sheet music on Shawna Belt Edwards' home page here.

Overcoming Overparenting [edited]

I saw this Time article linked on a couple of blogs. It is a must-read for any parent. I'm not sure I agree with all their final conclusions, and while it can obviously go either way (if we celebrate our failures too much, we could end up justifying error that maybe we should correct), I do agree that our generation has swung more to the side of hyper-parenting.

This brought to mind Elder Oaks' talk, "Good, Better, Best." For example, he said:

The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children's values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children.

Family experts have warned against what they call "the overscheduling of children." In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children's free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent.²

The number of those who report that their "whole family usually eats dinner together" has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together "eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children's academic achievement and psychological adjustment."³ Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children's smoking, drinking, or using drugs.⁴ There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: What your children really want for dinner is you.

[edited to add the following quote that came to mind after I posted...] That same general conference also included this wise counsel from Sister Beck that rings in my head often...from her "Mothers Who Know" talk:

Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.

Some quotes from the Time article that stood out. For example:

"I hope that we're getting away from the helicopter parenting," Meyer says. "Our philosophy is 'Give 'em the morals, give 'em the right start, but you've got to let them go.' They deserve to live their own lives."

Sounds an awful lot like Joseph Smith's teach correct principles principle, doesn't it?

I won't quote any more...just go read it. And then let's talk. I don't believe there is one right way to parent (which is another point in the article -- we have to figure out what is right for our own families). But I do believe it's good to talk about these things.

So...How do *you* find a balance in guiding your children and helping them prepare for their futures, and letting them fly and learn and make mistakes -- and just be kids? What do you to do to simplify and carve out more family time? What do you do to not hover to the point of smothering?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

That was what could be heard at my house today. President Monson hadn't even finished the "Amen" of his concluding remarks when my children burst out in protest [no joke] at the fact that General Conference was over.

My sentiments exactly. What a marvelous weekend.

p.s. There's already lots of discussion going on, so I'm going to point you elsewhere to share your thoughts about Conference. Please consider sharing here (a missionary-minded site) to help those not of our faith understand more about what General Conference is all about, what was discussed, and what it means to us.

And for what is sure to be an uplifting discussion among members, see here.

Thoughts on Turning Hearts -- not to fathers or children this time, but to each other

My husband and I were talking in the car tonight about the gay marriage issue. One of the hardest things I see about the issue, and other issues, for that matter, is that there is too much of closed-mindedness on both 'sides' of these issues. It's too easy to REact without thinking, and without trying to let the Spirit guide choices and actions.

There are many examples that come to mind:

• I saw it with the recent reaction to Pres. Obama's speech to children about education. Truth be told, I'm not a fan of Pres. Obama. Even as I can understand the initial response of concern, I was deeply, deeply disappointed that parents sought to shut down the chance for children to hear a message about education from our president. It was a chance to respect the office, and even to talk about how we don't have to agree with someone to show respect for them and listen to them. I think our children need to see us modeling reasoned, respectful handling of hard issues, and of responding to those with whom we disagree. I know I can do better in this regard in general, and it is my goal to do so.

• Another example of emotional reaction that I think created some problems was with the Big Love episode on the temple ceremony. Even as I, too, was disappointed (even shocked) to hear that this was going to happen, I felt there was too much emotional reaction that actually added fuel to the fire.

• This reminds me of emails that are forwarded without thinking, without checking, without caring about details. (snopes.com is great {wink}) BUT -- haha -- in writing that, I realize that sometimes my annoyed reaction to such lack of checking reflects a way I can open my heart more. SO WHAT if someone sends me such an email? I can choose to ignore or check it out myself, right? :) Really, don't I have better things to do than to get frustrated when someone sends something they happened to enjoy, and they send it because I'm on their list of people they love and care about?? Yes, I do, and I should take a moment to check my heart and trust theirs.
  

• On this issue of SSA/SSM, I have seen closed-minded and unkind statements made by those against SSM. It's most disturbing to me in the Church, but worries me at any level. Such unkindness is contrary to the Church's teachings, and contrary to the Church's position -- even as their position re: gay marriage and homosexual behavior is clear. On the flip side, I have seen closed hearts and minds from those who support SSM. Too often, assumptions and accusations are made that are unfair and often untrue. To label all those who support the Church's position and/or those who have taken positions on measures such as Prop 8 as hateful homophobes is unfair and unkind, and not helpful to the cause of respect, dialogue, and agreeing to disagree.

• I see this dynamic in discussions on hot topics like educating our children, childbirth, efforts toward healthy living, plastic surgery, family/work balance decisions, and myriad (!!) other topics. So much of things like these are about respecting and understanding agency. Even as there are guidelines and principles (take general Church teachings about caring for our bodies, for example, or about the importance of mothers' primary role as nurturer), we really have no room to judge others' choices, OR to insist that our personal choices reflect absolute truth that should be chosen by (or imposed on) others.

• I saw emotional reaction to Sister Beck's Mothers Who Know talk. (I have been online discussing LDS women's issues for nearly 15 years. I dare say I have never seen such a reaction, and it was very disappointing to me.) Before people really even had taken time to process the message, the internet was awash with angry vents and criticism of and misrepresentations of Sister Beck and her words. (Please note: I understand completely how painful mommy (and other) guilt is. And I even felt some of that creeping in when she talked. Fortunately, in this case, the Spirit had already been teaching me and preparing me to hear what she was *really* saying. I *know* how hard it can be to feel the pangs of guilt. And I have had my moments of wanting to throw an Ensign or a lesson out the window. But when I compare those REactions to how I feel when the Spirit is softening my heart and helping me to see things -- and myself -- as they/I really are/am...the difference is night and day! The kind of self-destructive guilt we often feel is not others' fault, and not of God. The Spirit helps calm my initial reactions and helps me process things more clearly. I'm working hard (and it IS hard work) to try to check my REactions and to test them according to the tests we have been given (see, for example, this one). To try to ACT and not be acted upon by my emotions, not at least without seeking the Spirit's guidance.

We don't have to *like* what someone is doing, saying, choosing, or believing, to at least show some respect for differing actions, words, choices, or beliefs. More often than not, when taking a step back from our initial reactions, I think we can usually see that there are holes in our understanding and perception. We ALL are dealing with incomplete pictures and fallen tendencies (our beams). There is, imo, a reason the Lord uses the council system in families and in the Church -- it's because none of us has a corner on truth. There is, imo, a reason we are commanded not to judge -- it's simply because we NEVER have all the information about someone else's heart or life or situation or layers or experiences. And our emotions and experiences -- even our positive ones -- can never can fully reflect the breadth and depth of what God sees and knows.

I know how easy it is to fall into this trap of REacting instead of choosing compassion and care and caution, but I am trying to do better, both in my personal life and also on more general issues, to not close my heart in anger, fear, or other negative emotions. (It's hard work! I fail too often, but I am trying!)

I think more clearly when I take a moment to try to care, to think of others with whom I may disagree or who may have triggered an emotion in me somehow (intentionally or not) as a child of God. I am blessed when I try to stop to realize and remember what anger and closed-mindedness do to my spirit and to relationships, and to my ability to have compassion and to understand beyond my own limited experiences and understanding.

At some point, we will all do what we feel is best, to act on what we know and believe. Sometimes our conclusions or choices will differ. There will always be issues upon which there will be disagreement. Examples are plentiful in our political, cultural, and social climate, and are also present in the Church.

We are all children of God, and ALL deserve respect, kindness, and love -- even when there is disagreement. I believe the best progress is made toward truth when dialogue can take place, even -- and perhaps especially -- when there is disagreement. This requires open-hearts and respect on BOTH sides. Always. "Us" vs. "Them" thinking so often leads to wrong-headed REaction. Without open hearts, we restrict potential for personal and general progress, and, imo, stunt our spiritual growth.

And there are still so many commonalities that we can enjoy, even if and as we disagree on some issues.

That reminds me of something Pres. Eyring said:

You could be one of those peacemakers, whether you are in the conflict or an observer.

One way I have seen it done is to search for anything on which we agree. To be that peacemaker, you need to have the simple faith that as children of God, with all our differences, it is likely that in a strong position we take, there will be elements of truth. The great peacemaker, the restorer of unity, is the one who finds a way to help people see the truth they share. That truth they share is always greater and more important to them than their differences. You can help yourself and others to see that common ground if you ask for help from God and then act. He will answer your prayer to help restore peace, as He has mine.

That same principle applies as we build unity with people who are from vastly different backgrounds. The children of God have more in common than they have differences. And even the differences can be seen as an opportunity. God will help us see a difference in someone else not as a source of irritation but as a contribution. The Lord can help you see and value what another person brings which you lack. More than once the Lord has helped me see His kindness in giving me association with someone whose difference from me was just the help I needed. That has been the Lord’s way of adding something I lacked to serve Him better.

I believe part of the natural man is to REact without seeking that kind of peacemaking. We are wired to self-protect, and will often use whatever tactic to accomplish that protection -- often without thinking, without giving the Spirit a chance to work with us and guide us.

I know I have fallen into reactive trap too often. Again, I am committed to trying to be better, to check my heart more often and more honestly.

Whaddya think? Wanna join me in this effort?

p.s. One of the BEST books I have ever read that has helped me understand mortal reactive and closed-hearted tendencies is The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Group. This book dissects our mortal tendency to go to war with each other with our closed hearts. The book is on my list of the top five books that have had the greatest impact on my life. Were I not big on trying hard to respect others' agency, I would say it should be required reading for all humans. :)

Comfort Food

The phone rang. It was my visiting teaching companion.

"I'm ordering dinner to be delivered to your house. Is 6:00 ok?" I tried to convince her that we were fine (we really were), but she would have none of it. "What kind of pizza do you like?" When I told her, she asked what else we wanted. Again, I tried to let her know that a pizza was above and beyond.... Again, she just hushed me up and figured out the rest herself.

Nearly on the button, Mr. Pizza Man arrived with not only our favorite pizza, but breadsticks, salad, and brownies for each of us. Oh, yes, and the delish root beer that sends my kids over the moon.

As we ate the food that filled our home with wonderful smells of garlic, my children exclaimed, "I can't believe she would do this for us! She is so nice!"

Indeed.

Why did she do this?

Because she loves me. She knew I was under the weather, and this was her simple way to showing that she cared.

I really could have fed my family. I had leftovers in the fridge. This was not an issue of not being ABLE.

It was an issue of being loved.

What better comfort food is there, really, than that given from the heart?

Thanks, friend. Thank you for loving me.

Remembering

I was sound asleep when my phone rang, so my brain didn't fully process my neighbor's frantic message:

"Turn on the TV. There has been a terrorist attack!"

I rolled my very pregnant body out of bed as quickly as I could, and wobbled downstairs to turn on the television.

It doesn't matter that words can't really describe it, because we all felt it. I sat, in shock. Watching replays of the planes hitting the towers. Seeing footage of the Pentagon.

And then watching those towers fall.

It was hard over the next few days to not stay glued to the television. To not watch and watch and watch again. But life had to go on. I couldn't imagine how hard that would be for those most personally affected by the tragedies of that day.

Still fresh in my own heart are the vulnerable feelings I had as a mother just a few weeks from giving birth. It was hard not to think, "What kind of world am I bringing my baby into?" My other children were still so very small. Young. Innocent. Pure.

I'm reminded of something President Boyd K. Packer said:

A few weeks ago our youngest son and his wife and family stopped to see us. The first one out of the car was our two-year-old grandson. He came running to me with his arms outstretched, shouting, “Gwampa! Gwampa! Gwampa!”

He hugged my legs, and I looked down at that smiling face and those big, innocent eyes and thought, “What kind of a world awaits him?”

For a moment I had that feeling of anxiety, that fear of the future that so many parents express to us. Everywhere we go fathers and mothers worry about the future of their children in this very troubled world.

But then a feeling of assurance came over me. My fear of the future faded.

That guiding, comforting Spirit...brought to my remembrance what I already knew. The fear of the future was gone. That bright-eyed, little two-year-old can have a good life—a very good life—and so can his children and his grandchildren, even though they will live in a world where there is much of wickedness.

They will see many events transpire in the course of their lifetime. Some of these shall tax their courage and extend their faith. But if they seek prayerfully for help and guidance, they shall be given power over adverse things. Such trials shall not be permitted to stand in the way of their progress, but instead shall act as stepping-stones to greater knowledge.

The short version of his message is this: "Do not be afraid to bring children into the world."

For all that mortality brings with it trials and tragedy, there is much to hope for, much to hold onto, much to do.

I will never forget. But what I try to remember most is that because of the Savior, there is always hope.

"Empathy is Never Wasted"

As I have been dealing with a life that is pretty messy (weird schedule, weird health, long list of to-dos that don't get done because of said and other weirdness), I have thought a lot about the commandment to not judge. I have a greater appreciation for what that means, because I know more what it's like to fear others' judgment because of my messy life.

We so often measure each other (and ourselves!) by the externally visible, the tangibly measurable. Our world is driven by things like checklists, grades, scholarships, salaries, possessions, appearance, degrees, promotions, etc. It's not that these things don't have their place, but if they become the ruler by which we decide how much respect or love someone deserves, it quickly becomes problematic.

The way I see it, we are asked to "live in" this world of mortal measures, but to not "be of" this world. Christlike living demands a different kind of approach -- an open heart.

While I have often wished my trials could be taken from me, one thing that I do feel I am learning is to stop and think and open my heart when I feel the instinct to judge.

The truth is, we are all "weighed in the balance...and...found wanting." And we all need each others' compassion, patience, and love.

I was reading through this talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell (how I miss him!), and read this -- one of those wowza kinds of quotes:

As things unfold, sometimes in full view, let us be merciful with each other. We certainly do not criticize hospital patients amid intensive care for looking pale and preoccupied. Why then those recovering from surgery on their souls? No need for us to stare; those stitches will finally come out. And in this hospital, too, it is important for everyone to remember that the hospital chart is not the patient. Extending our mercy to someone need not wait upon our full understanding of their challenges! Empathy may not be appreciated or reciprocated, but empathy is never wasted.

What has helped you feel more empathy and compassion for others?

The Lonely Road

When you think of President Hinckley, what do you think of? I think of a lot of things, but one is his optimism.

That makes a verse in the hymn he wrote all the more interesting to me.

Oh, give me thy sweet Spirit still,
The peace that comes alone from thee,
The faith to walk the lonely road
That leads to thine eternity.

The lonely road.

Truth be told, the walk of faith can be a lonely road. It's not because we don't have people on the path with us, but no one can walk that path for us.

A friend and I were talking about schtuff recently, and she mentioned an insight she had had, one I have been mulling over ever since.

She talked of a friend of hers who, when facing the same trial my friend had faced, had received an answer for what to do that was 180 degrees different from my friend's answer.

My friend then noted (paraphrasing):

"In the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord talks of the parable of the ten virgins and about the last days. It is the people who have taken the Holy Spirit as their guide who will be able to survive these difficult times. Perhaps the oil that is talked about is not just about testimony, but about learning to really get answers through the Spirit. Maybe that's another reason the oil cannot be shared -- because we each have to learn to get the answers from God that will be for our specific circumstances, and that will be one of the only ways we can survive these last days."

That resonated with me.

This process of really getting answers -- answers that may not appear in the Ensign or be shared in a Conference talk -- describes what some of the last year has included for me. Truth be told, it has been one of the most difficult and lonely years of my life.

But it's also been one of the most amazing.

I have had experiences with the Spirit that have given me more confidence in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, and even in myself -- in learning to trust that, with Him, I can figure out what is right for me in my life.

My journey simply won't be completely like anyone else's. For a long time, I looked around me for all the answers. I was worried when my life didn't match someone else's. I'm learning to look to the side less and to instead look up.

For all that we have amazing gospel truths to cling to -- and in talking about individual answers I am not talking about dismissing any of those truths or principles -- each of us still has to figure out how to apply those truths to our lives.

For all that we have family and friends, not even those closest to us (not even spouses, if we are married) can receive all the revelation with us that we need to walk the path of life and discipleship.

The lonely road.

I know God is there. The Church is true. The Book of Mormon is true. The Atonement is real (thank heaven!) I know amazing people who enrich my life in unspeakable ways.

But, still, I pray:

Oh, give me thy sweet Spirit still,
The peace that comes alone from thee,
The faith to walk the lonely road
That leads to thine eternity.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just read these essays

These two essays are amazing:

"Hope Arising from the Ashes of Grief," Part 1 and Part 2

I will say that I had the privilege of also talking with these women. I saw a presentation they did a few months ago and was so impressed. Amazed, really. I have since had personal discussions with each of them (one is a good friend of mine, and the other has become a friend). When I talked to them this week about their essays, I heard even more.

Moved to the core, I dropped to my knees in gratitude for the blessing of hearing their stories. Of knowing them. Of feeling of their spirits, their faith, their perspective.

If you have ever felt life was unfair, or that some pain is too great to overcome, or that God is not aware, read these essays.

If you know someone who has lost a child or has experienced other heartrending grief, please invite them to read these essays.

Have you ever had those thoughts creep into your mind, like "How can God allow such terrible suffering?" Or, have you heard someone question the existence of God altogether because of all the suffering we see across the world?

You know what I am going to say. Read these essays.

These stories to me communicate so clearly that God is so aware of ALL His children. That pain does not mean He is not there. That, in fact, sometimes pain is the thing that can help Him help us help His children.

And help Him help us, too.

Enough from me. Read the essays. You'll be glad you did.

"You Mormons did it again!" (We have to do better!)

Yesterday, we went with some friends to a mountain resort close to our home. For an amazingly reasonable fee, we enjoyed our fill of fun activities in the glorious beauty of the Wasatch Mountains. I couldn't get John Denver out of my head (tweaked, of course): "Almost heaven, Utah mountains...."

We had a conversation with these friends that disturbed me, however. They are not LDS, and they recently moved here from a place they loved. I see them observing our culture with a measure of interest, curiosity -- and sometimes annoyance.

"What's up with the drivers around here?" they asked. "No one follows the speed limit."

When our friend actually tries to drive at 65, she feels like she's a hazard on the road. She talked also of people driving too fast in neighborhoods where there are small children. "Don't these people have children of their own? Don't they understand?"

I realized that isn't the only indication of a dismissive attitude about the law.

I came out of the services for the Oquirrh Mountain temple dedication, disheartened to find, yet again, numerous cars parked illegally. Like blocking the fire lane illegally. This happens ALL the time, even sometimes during regular Sunday meetings. I see the same behavior anytime there is a big activity at the schools -- cars parked in fire zones, in bus zones, in pickup zones. I saw something similar at the mall the other day.

My husband recalled an experience when living in England years ago. An irate man came into Sunday meetings one week, saying, "You Mormons did it again! You parked in front of my house!" Clearly this was not ok with him, and it was not doing a good thing for building a relationship of trust and mutual respect. Someone had the gall to accuse the man of false accusation. "How do you know it was us?" (It happened every week on Sunday at the same time. It doesn't take much to see these kinds of patterns.) Not cool.

President Monson spoke today about how part of the reason we have a temple in Frieberg, Germany, is because the government had been watching the Church for a long time, and felt that the Church was a trustworthy institution, thus granting the wishes presented.

I thought about our friends, watching us as Mormons here, seeing an obvious disconnect between what we believe and what we do. I think about that man, watching Mormons each week showing blatant disregard and disrespect.

And I wondered...how many people are watching us and not liking what they see?

I'm the first to want to jump to our defense with sweeping generalizations and stereotypical slurs against Mormons. That said, this pattern is something that shows some evidence of something amiss. Is is arrogance? A sense of entitlement? Thinking that little things don't matter?

I imagine someone not of our faith who sees such "little things" as being evidence of something bigger. I imagine that someone coming into our parking lot today, when most people know that we are attending the dedication of a building we consider most sacred. And I imagine that person driving away, perhaps never to come back, seeing such a blatant and obvious and repeated disregard for the law.

Yes, I know I'm getting preachy here. But I believe people ARE watching. And I believe integrity demands that even in the little things, we strive to truly be honest in all we do. It's what we covenant to do.

"At all times, and in all things, and in all places," friends. Even in parking lots. Even when we are in a hurry. (Note to self, as one who tends to have a lead foot.) We can do better. We need to do better.

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"When members don’t live the teachings, it can be a stumbling block to those who do not belong to the Church."

-Elder Quentin L. Cook, "Our Father's Plan -- Big Enough for All of His Children"

Random Thoughts

I just added a bunch of friends, all of whom I have met through blogging. For all that I have a love/hate relationship with blogging (sometimes I have let it suck too much of my time and focus), it has really changed my life in so many wonderful ways. And one of the greatest impacts it has had has been allowing me to connect with some Really. Amazing. Women.

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I am down to less than two weeks until school starts and I am feeling so sad. My list of all the wonderful things we were going to do (no, really, THIS summer we were gonna tackle them) seems so terribly un-checked-off.

My mind goes back to Young Women's days, when I was tortured by the goals I set and never accomplished as I would have liked to, when my leaders had to finally help me see that I was already accomplishing much in my life. That just because my life and my lists didn't match up perfectly didn't mean I was a big failure.

Sometimes I wish I had a leader to sit me down and tell me that same thing now. Sometimes it makes me want to get rid of the lists.

We did make it to the library this week, though.

But then I think -- why does the list need to involve GOING somewhere in order to be legitimate? Sometimes I wonder if there is an unwritten something that makes us all think that motherhood is about doing stuff that is tangible and list-able. Maybe sometimes (more often than not?) it's not. So much of it is just about being here, isn't it?

And that's some of what is interesting, too, about summer. I feel more than ever during these weeks and months that a key part of my role is just to be here. To facilitate the flow of life. To help, to answer questions, to keep tabs on who is where (and, on good days, on who needs to do what -- I shouldn't tell you how many times we have forgotten Webelos. Sigh), to call out "Who's dat?" whenever I hear the door open, to smile and hand out snacks when friends come....

It's no wonder some of those to-dos don't get done, because there are so few actual stretches of uninterrupted time!

(I am going to cut myself some slack, too, because I feel yucky most of the time. These last few months have been HARD. Migraines stink.)

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Hubby is busy busy busy. We look forward to things maybe calming down here in a week or two. Or not. Does it ever really calm down?

Hm. Better go for not.

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I haven't even written about how I have not attended my ward this year (or I wrote and forgot). (Health issues and early (EARLY!) schedule didn't work together.) With the ward boundary changes that happened, I have actually attend this other ward for longer than I was with my own ward.

I get to give a talk next week on the temple. I look forward to it.

The irony of this recall is frightening....(Clarcon antimicrobial products are contaminated w/ bacteria)

FWIW.

Bound by Time (or When Not To Be?)

We had a lesson on the temple today in Relief Society, using the General Conference talks from Elder Bednar and Elder Scott.

Perhaps you recall the list of suggestions Elder Scott had, including the one to remove your watch while in the temple.

Now, when I first heard this counsel, I was a little concerned about how I could really follow it, because by definition and circumstance (late sleeper-inner, kids need to be picked up from school -- I'm squeezed in from both sides). But I have heard some great stories of people giving it a try (even a temple worker!) and having great experiences doing so.

But this isn't actually a post about removing your watch at the temple (although, of course, I think it's good counsel). It's about the thread I noticed in a good chunk of his counsel.

It had to do with time.

He talked of scheduling carefully. Of leaving sufficient time so that we are unhurried when in the temple. Of removing your watch.

And I recalled something from my patriarchal blessing that often rings in my mind -- the reminder that "the Lord is not bound by time as we are."

And that made me see Elder Scott's counsel in a different light. I understand at one level why he encourages us to not be hurried...so we can enjoy what is going on, and don't rush through the experience lest we miss spiritual experiences.

But perhaps it's also to help us get into a different mode...not bound by time, as God is not.

Most of the time, we have to be bound to time to function in this world. And of course, even in our gospel living, time is of the essence. But by scheduling carefully, trying not to be rushed, and removing our watches, might we be trying to let time go for a brief...er...time?

I dunno. It struck me as something to think about.

What think ye?

Debunking assumptions about bankruptcies in Utah

It's been a crazy few months in m&m land, but I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.

I've had lots of posts swimming in my head, but not a lot of time to sit down and write them.

And I have to go get the van registered, so again, time is limited.

But I wanted to link to this article that I just read today. I love studies that debunk the bad rap Utah sometimes gets when stats are thrown around with the assumption that any bad stat must be because of Mormonism (like antidepressant use, or in this case, bankruptcies). Fun to see a name I recognize from the 'nacle, too (Frank McIntyre). Thanks for your work.

Giveaways keep on giving! (more LDS News apps available!)

Just wanted to follow up on the giveaways going on.

First of all, for the LDS News app, I still have two people who have not let me know how to contact them. Please email me!

I also have FOUR MORE apps I can give away. First four commenters will win a free copy. (Please, though, if you want to be considered, be sure there is a way I can contact you -- either leave your email address in your comment, or comment and then send me an email to my address listed in my header.)

Also, if you didn't get a comment into the free food storage giveaway, from Shelf Reliance, you still have this week to enter.

'Nother Giveaway.... (this one for food storage fans)

Since I was in giveaway mode already, I thought I would link to another giveaway (one I would love to enter). If you are into food storage, this would be worth entering -- it's for six #10 cans of Shelf Reliance food products. Not bad!

(Be sure to comment over there and not here.)

MTC protocol changes!

For any of you who has been on a mission and had the ritual send-off experience ("Families, go through that door, missionaries through this door), this story might be of interest to you. Because of swine flu infection at the MTC, they have changed protocol...now it's just going to be a curbside dropoff. And it sounds like it will stay like that.

I wonder if that means parents will dread the MTC experience less or more now. I found it all rather intense to have all that buildup before the final separation. Might be better to just get in and be done with it and let the missionary get on with the exciting journey.

Hm.