Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Semi-retirement
I was trying to think of a clever title, but I'm not feeling so clever tonite.
I think it's time. I've been known to change my mind on something like this before, but I think I need to do something pretty significant, to draw a line in my sand for myself and see how it feels. I need to simplify my life, and I think the way to do that is to back off from participating in the 'nacle. (Whatever the 'nacle actually is these days...I'm thinking MA 'nacle, big blogs kind of 'nacle.)
Done blogging? Yeah, right, no, not. But I'm going to start fresh, at a new blog. I think I need a change. I think a lot of people need a change from having me out there commenting, too. :)
Being involved in the bloggernacle has changed my life in very real ways. I have found cherished, lifetime friends. (Just thinking about that alone takes my breath away...how much poorer I would be without some of the friends I have made through blogging. Whoa.) I have spent hours mulling and musing about what matters to me most. (I think it's helped keep me from going insane while dealing with health struggles.) I've come to appreciate the gospel and my testimony all the more. I've learned from others, and about others.
I'd like to think I've grown a little through it all and become a little better. I know, too, that I've also made some mistakes along the way. But that's part of this messy, messy life. Thank heaven for the Atonement. I feel the reality of the Atonement perhaps more strongly in my life than I ever have. That's a good thing, because I feel like I realize how much I need it -- need the Savior -- more than I ever have.
Yes. The more I live, the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize how very, very much I need Christ.
To those who have respectfully engaged and listened, thank you. To those I have offended, it may not sound like much, but I'm sorry. To those who know me well, you know how to find me. :)
Thanks for the ride.
m&m
p.s. Archives will probably stay up. We'll see. Email above will still stay active.
I think it's time. I've been known to change my mind on something like this before, but I think I need to do something pretty significant, to draw a line in my sand for myself and see how it feels. I need to simplify my life, and I think the way to do that is to back off from participating in the 'nacle. (Whatever the 'nacle actually is these days...I'm thinking MA 'nacle, big blogs kind of 'nacle.)
Done blogging? Yeah, right, no, not. But I'm going to start fresh, at a new blog. I think I need a change. I think a lot of people need a change from having me out there commenting, too. :)
Being involved in the bloggernacle has changed my life in very real ways. I have found cherished, lifetime friends. (Just thinking about that alone takes my breath away...how much poorer I would be without some of the friends I have made through blogging. Whoa.) I have spent hours mulling and musing about what matters to me most. (I think it's helped keep me from going insane while dealing with health struggles.) I've come to appreciate the gospel and my testimony all the more. I've learned from others, and about others.
I'd like to think I've grown a little through it all and become a little better. I know, too, that I've also made some mistakes along the way. But that's part of this messy, messy life. Thank heaven for the Atonement. I feel the reality of the Atonement perhaps more strongly in my life than I ever have. That's a good thing, because I feel like I realize how much I need it -- need the Savior -- more than I ever have.
Yes. The more I live, the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize how very, very much I need Christ.
To those who have respectfully engaged and listened, thank you. To those I have offended, it may not sound like much, but I'm sorry. To those who know me well, you know how to find me. :)
Thanks for the ride.
m&m
p.s. Archives will probably stay up. We'll see. Email above will still stay active.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
I heart Sister Beck II -- Great talk about the power of womanhood
Sister Beck is a woman of power, a fabulous, fearless leader. I love her. I feel her calling to us as women to also be women of power and fearless leaders as well, by increasing our faith, strengthening home and family, and being of service in providing relief. I hear her reminding us of the power in personal revelation as well, inviting us to live our lives so as to be connected to heaven every day, every hour. I also feel it's essential for us to trust in the worth of women in God's plan, to know who we are. It's clear Sister Beck doesn't doubt one bit our worth before God. We need to not doubt. (That quote from Eliza R. Snow was awesome.)
Again, we are reminded of similar themes taught a couple of years ago when she gave her "Mothers Who Know" talk and when Elder Oaks talked of "Good, Better, Best" -- the need to prioritize, to actively resist distraction and the dilution of our roles as nurturers.
I am moved by the reminder of the power of personal revelation in our lives. Pres. Packer talked this morning of men living beneath their privileges in the priesthood. I can't help but feel that we as women often live beneath our privileges by not doing what it takes to really have the power of personal revelation in our lives. I know I do, anyway.
I loved what she said about how the power of revelation can be a constant source in our lives that makes it "possible to feel bathed in help even in turbulent times."
Speaking of Pres. Packer, it was awesome to listen to Sister Beck talk right after Pres. Packer's talk on the power of the priesthood. There is also power in womanhood!
There is power in the sisterhood of Relief Society. Being a faithful member of of Relief Society we can "be trusted and relied upon to make a significant contribution to the Church." I think it's important to realize, again thinking of Pres. Packer's talk, that our contribution is different from that of men. We don't hold priesthood office. But our power and influence is REAL.
There is power in Relief Society. I loved how she talked about the "combined spiritual power of all the sisters." The thought that I had is that as we each seek to tap into the power Sister Beck has talked about in being in tune with God and living up to the mission of Relief Society, we contribute to that combined power. Sister Beck taught that through Relief Society, "sisters can receive answers to their questions." As we catch and live the spirit of the Relief Society, we can be instruments to "lift...women up and out of a troubled world and into a way of living that prepares them for the blessings of eternal life." Relief Society can help us be "strong and immovable."
I think we are being reminded in this Conference about the "way of living" -- centered on Christ, Christ-centered living, and faithful family life -- that can point us toward our eternal goals.
In addition to the things listed above, Sister Beck reminded us that nurturing is also a source of power. I have felt that in my life. Listening to Sister Beck talk renews my desire to turn my heart to my children and to others to try to develop more of that gift of nurturing that God is telling us repeatedly through His leaders matters so much.
I love the reminder that our success and our worth is not measured by "outward credit or praise." I think that ties into us seeking a sense of worth in the Church, too. Again, as important and sacred as the priesthood is, priesthood office and position is not a requirement to have worth, power, and influence in God's work. I think it's essential for us as women to know that in our hearts, through the Spirit, in order to be women of power.
As Sister Snow remarked, we need to "not...as the world judges.....We know the Lord has laid high responsibility on us [as women]." We need to know that! Sister Beck reminded us that, "In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources.... Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly." We can feel and know of our worth and success through the power of the Spirit and through honest self-assessment with God's help and through doing all we can do to be righteous women...as we give our heart to trying to be the women God needs us to be and live so as to have the Spirit with us.
There is power in truth. I am grateful for Sister Beck and how she reminds us often of truths that can free us to be the women God needs us to be. There is power in her teachings.
Again, we are reminded of similar themes taught a couple of years ago when she gave her "Mothers Who Know" talk and when Elder Oaks talked of "Good, Better, Best" -- the need to prioritize, to actively resist distraction and the dilution of our roles as nurturers.
I am moved by the reminder of the power of personal revelation in our lives. Pres. Packer talked this morning of men living beneath their privileges in the priesthood. I can't help but feel that we as women often live beneath our privileges by not doing what it takes to really have the power of personal revelation in our lives. I know I do, anyway.
I loved what she said about how the power of revelation can be a constant source in our lives that makes it "possible to feel bathed in help even in turbulent times."
Speaking of Pres. Packer, it was awesome to listen to Sister Beck talk right after Pres. Packer's talk on the power of the priesthood. There is also power in womanhood!
There is power in the sisterhood of Relief Society. Being a faithful member of of Relief Society we can "be trusted and relied upon to make a significant contribution to the Church." I think it's important to realize, again thinking of Pres. Packer's talk, that our contribution is different from that of men. We don't hold priesthood office. But our power and influence is REAL.
There is power in Relief Society. I loved how she talked about the "combined spiritual power of all the sisters." The thought that I had is that as we each seek to tap into the power Sister Beck has talked about in being in tune with God and living up to the mission of Relief Society, we contribute to that combined power. Sister Beck taught that through Relief Society, "sisters can receive answers to their questions." As we catch and live the spirit of the Relief Society, we can be instruments to "lift...women up and out of a troubled world and into a way of living that prepares them for the blessings of eternal life." Relief Society can help us be "strong and immovable."
I think we are being reminded in this Conference about the "way of living" -- centered on Christ, Christ-centered living, and faithful family life -- that can point us toward our eternal goals.
In addition to the things listed above, Sister Beck reminded us that nurturing is also a source of power. I have felt that in my life. Listening to Sister Beck talk renews my desire to turn my heart to my children and to others to try to develop more of that gift of nurturing that God is telling us repeatedly through His leaders matters so much.
I love the reminder that our success and our worth is not measured by "outward credit or praise." I think that ties into us seeking a sense of worth in the Church, too. Again, as important and sacred as the priesthood is, priesthood office and position is not a requirement to have worth, power, and influence in God's work. I think it's essential for us as women to know that in our hearts, through the Spirit, in order to be women of power.
As Sister Snow remarked, we need to "not...as the world judges.....We know the Lord has laid high responsibility on us [as women]." We need to know that! Sister Beck reminded us that, "In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources.... Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly." We can feel and know of our worth and success through the power of the Spirit and through honest self-assessment with God's help and through doing all we can do to be righteous women...as we give our heart to trying to be the women God needs us to be and live so as to have the Spirit with us.
There is power in truth. I am grateful for Sister Beck and how she reminds us often of truths that can free us to be the women God needs us to be. There is power in her teachings.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Amazing Family History Tips
If you are wanting to find ways to find more information about your ancestors, this post by historian Ardis Parshall is a goldmine of information.
Dance, Dry Bones, Dance
(Oooo. I love the title, too.)
She's done other posts on family history as well.
Lesson 1 (First steps)
Lesson 2 (Home sources)
Lesson 3 (Social Security)
Lesson 4 (Census)
Lesson 5 (Resolving Discrepancies)
She has a gift, I tell you, and it's a gift that she shares it.
And if you are interested in reading history, you'll want to sit down for a while at her blog. Amazing stuff, particularly if your interest is in Mormon history. (But it's not the typical LDS history she writes about. She shares stories that are less-known, if known at all.)
Dance, Dry Bones, Dance
(Oooo. I love the title, too.)
She's done other posts on family history as well.
Lesson 1 (First steps)
Lesson 2 (Home sources)
Lesson 3 (Social Security)
Lesson 4 (Census)
Lesson 5 (Resolving Discrepancies)
She has a gift, I tell you, and it's a gift that she shares it.
And if you are interested in reading history, you'll want to sit down for a while at her blog. Amazing stuff, particularly if your interest is in Mormon history. (But it's not the typical LDS history she writes about. She shares stories that are less-known, if known at all.)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Glenn Beck and Social Justice, and Thinking Outside the Box in Politics
OK, so I get that people feel strongly about helping the poor. I think rare is the person on either side (and all along the continuum) of the political spectrum who doesn't.
I'm not necessarily a fan of Glenn Beck; he too often uses too much extreme rhetoric for my liking.
But good grief, the responses to his recent comments on social justice (or, better said, how people are framing those comments) are also really extreme in their rhetoric, and to me missing the core point -- and missing an opportunity where we as a nation might actually have some discussions on how we really can and should help the poor.
Even before I read this quote, my thought about all of the hoopla was that many people are hearing what they want to hear in what he said, not actually addressing the core of his concern. Reading this strengthened that opinion for me:
"Social justice is code language. Code language for big government… If your church is preaching social and economic justice you better do some digging and find out exactly what that means. Because if that means big government, (that) you need to support big government programs, (then) you don’t have a church… Now if your church is talking about social justice in a way that you empower yourself to go help the poor, well then that is exactly what Jesus… would like you to do.”
– Glenn Beck, March 12 radio program (hat tip for the quote comes from a comment here)
Does he dismiss social justice outright? No. Does he show ignorance about the notion that helping the poor is important to religions? No. Is he really saying something so outrageous? I don't think so.
Here, I hear him encouraging people to think about what social justice means -- because it means different things to different people and faiths -- and to figure out if it's really a good thing in every context.
What is so crazy about that?
I understand disagreeing with his politics, but so many really emotional reactions to his comments don't seem to me to be hearing what he is saying at all and don't really even address the politics he takes a stand on.
In Anatomy of Peace language (a book that I think should be required reading for everyone), that's called being in the box. And it's pretty much like shutting off your heart AND your brain.
Such a dynamic plagues the political process. But it's such a precious waste of time and energy, and clouds the ability to actually think clearly about things like this that matter.
We've got to get outside the box.
For Mormons, to me, a compelling point when engaging in politics is to note that the First Presidency has reminded us that "“Principles compatible with the gospel may be found in the platforms of various political parties."
So I say let's seek for good, solid principles across the spectrum, rather than waste precious time slinging mud at the "other" -- especially when that mud-slinging often involves arguing against things that weren't actually the real message of what was said.
I'm not necessarily a fan of Glenn Beck; he too often uses too much extreme rhetoric for my liking.
But good grief, the responses to his recent comments on social justice (or, better said, how people are framing those comments) are also really extreme in their rhetoric, and to me missing the core point -- and missing an opportunity where we as a nation might actually have some discussions on how we really can and should help the poor.
Even before I read this quote, my thought about all of the hoopla was that many people are hearing what they want to hear in what he said, not actually addressing the core of his concern. Reading this strengthened that opinion for me:
"Social justice is code language. Code language for big government… If your church is preaching social and economic justice you better do some digging and find out exactly what that means. Because if that means big government, (that) you need to support big government programs, (then) you don’t have a church… Now if your church is talking about social justice in a way that you empower yourself to go help the poor, well then that is exactly what Jesus… would like you to do.”
– Glenn Beck, March 12 radio program (hat tip for the quote comes from a comment here)
Does he dismiss social justice outright? No. Does he show ignorance about the notion that helping the poor is important to religions? No. Is he really saying something so outrageous? I don't think so.
Here, I hear him encouraging people to think about what social justice means -- because it means different things to different people and faiths -- and to figure out if it's really a good thing in every context.
What is so crazy about that?
I understand disagreeing with his politics, but so many really emotional reactions to his comments don't seem to me to be hearing what he is saying at all and don't really even address the politics he takes a stand on.
In Anatomy of Peace language (a book that I think should be required reading for everyone), that's called being in the box. And it's pretty much like shutting off your heart AND your brain.
Such a dynamic plagues the political process. But it's such a precious waste of time and energy, and clouds the ability to actually think clearly about things like this that matter.
We've got to get outside the box.
For Mormons, to me, a compelling point when engaging in politics is to note that the First Presidency has reminded us that "“Principles compatible with the gospel may be found in the platforms of various political parties."
So I say let's seek for good, solid principles across the spectrum, rather than waste precious time slinging mud at the "other" -- especially when that mud-slinging often involves arguing against things that weren't actually the real message of what was said.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Happy Pi Day
We are having a pi party with extended family to celebrate. I might even post some pictures. I made a yogurt cheesecake something (an experiment...we'll see how it tastes) for my "fruit" (we'll smother it in berries) and also a cow pie dessert (no bake oatmeal fudge cookies all in a big pile...may never cool but I wanted to have some fun with my dessert).
I might slice some oranges and then cut the slices like pieces of pie.
My sister-in-law is going to make chicken pot pie for dinner.
Fun.
Do any of you celebrate pi day?
I might slice some oranges and then cut the slices like pieces of pie.
My sister-in-law is going to make chicken pot pie for dinner.
Fun.
Do any of you celebrate pi day?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Rest in Peace, Merlin Olsen
For those of you old enough to know who Merlin Olsen is, he recently passed away. He has always come across to me as a gentle, quiet, good man.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Rejoicing in the Gospel and in Being a Mormon Woman
Recently, I was accused of being over-cheerful about my perspective on the eternal blessings awaiting us -- women included -- in the eternities.
At some level, I'm still just sort of dumbfounded.
Sometimes in conversations about women's issues, I find myself wanting to ask, "Do you WANT me to be miserable about being a woman in the Church?" I sometimes feel as though there is the feeling among some that if you are *really* smart, you will figure it out that Mormonism really is awful for women. Or that if you are happy, it must be that you haven't really looked closely enough at that verse or this policy or that part of our history. Or that you are being "intellectually dishonest" by being happy.
For the record, I've spent a good portion of my adult life thinking about women's issues relative to Mormonism. Thinking about these issues pretty much fill any extra mental space I may have for pondering life and the gospel. I know that doesn't make me some expert, and I'm certainly not an academic of these issues, but I have given these things lots and lots of thought. I love chewing on the gospel, and I'm not afraid to consider hard questions. But there needs to be space for simple answers, too.
I also actually try hard to understand and try to be sympathetic to the struggles some have in the space where feminism and Mormonism seem to collide. I know such struggles are real. We all have our struggles. I'm sorry for yours, if you have them.
But at some point, I just have to say let me have my space to rejoice in what makes me happy -- in the things prophets of God tell us we CAN and SHOULD be happy about! -- without expecting me to be able to answer to all the things that may bother you, if you do struggle. If you disagree, please leave me the space to have my perspective and to disagree with you or to engage things differently. Please don't expect me to explain away the things that bother you. Please don't expect me to take your approach to processing the gospel.
If you feel pain about these things, I'm so sorry. But I can't solve it, nor should I be expected to see things as you do. Your pain, your questions, your issues are for you and God to work through. He is the source of peace and truth. He can help you sort through these things, in His time and His way. I have my own things to sort through. Believe you me.
I cannot change what is in holy writ, nor do I want to. I cannot change Church structure, nor do I want to. I cannot change prophetic counsel and teachings about gender roles or other topics relative to women, nor do I want to.
Am I without questions? No. Do I wonder sometimes about policies, practices, or topics of preaching? Sometimes, yes. Are there things I don't fully understand? Of course. But I don't expect to understand it all. I think it's plain wrong to expect to understand it all, especially without accepting what we already have been given. And the more I rejoice in and embrace what I DO know, the more things make sense to me.
What I DO know is that God is a loving, perfect God, that "all that He has" awaits us all if we follow His plan and His Son. The Church is true. God's authority is here, the ordinances of salvation are here, the doctrines of salvation are here, prophets live and teach and preach today. Their teachings won't always gel with the isms of the secular world. That should be expected. The texts won't always be neat and easy to process intellectually. That should be expected.
Elder Maxwell used to say something like if God promises all He has, "brothers and sisters, there isn't any more." I believe the prophets and the scriptures and the beauty found in temple ordinances that teach that God has promised us -- women and men -- all He has. What more could we want? We -- women and men -- have all we need to be able to receive all those blessings. ALL of the ordinances necessary for eternal life are here, on the earth, binding us to God for eternity if we will receive them and receive Him and His Son. Those blessings are what my last post was about. At some point, I see absolutely no reason to look for reasons to doubt those blessings or to take issue with things that don't seem to fit nicely and neatly into these core doctrines of the gospel. We are mortal. Things of God won't always make sense. But wow. What does and can make sense is pretty glorious in my experience.
And so, I rejoice in that.
Therefore, lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your atrust in bGod, in that God who was the God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also, that God who cbrought the children of dIsrael out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red eSea on dry ground, and fed them with fmanna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did he do for them.
[S]hall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. aCourage...and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into bsinging. Let the cdead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the dKing Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to eredeem them out of their fprison ; for the prisoners shall go free.
Let the amountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid brocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the cmorning stars sing together, and let all the [children] of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and dimmortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!
At some level, I'm still just sort of dumbfounded.
Sometimes in conversations about women's issues, I find myself wanting to ask, "Do you WANT me to be miserable about being a woman in the Church?" I sometimes feel as though there is the feeling among some that if you are *really* smart, you will figure it out that Mormonism really is awful for women. Or that if you are happy, it must be that you haven't really looked closely enough at that verse or this policy or that part of our history. Or that you are being "intellectually dishonest" by being happy.
For the record, I've spent a good portion of my adult life thinking about women's issues relative to Mormonism. Thinking about these issues pretty much fill any extra mental space I may have for pondering life and the gospel. I know that doesn't make me some expert, and I'm certainly not an academic of these issues, but I have given these things lots and lots of thought. I love chewing on the gospel, and I'm not afraid to consider hard questions. But there needs to be space for simple answers, too.
I also actually try hard to understand and try to be sympathetic to the struggles some have in the space where feminism and Mormonism seem to collide. I know such struggles are real. We all have our struggles. I'm sorry for yours, if you have them.
But at some point, I just have to say let me have my space to rejoice in what makes me happy -- in the things prophets of God tell us we CAN and SHOULD be happy about! -- without expecting me to be able to answer to all the things that may bother you, if you do struggle. If you disagree, please leave me the space to have my perspective and to disagree with you or to engage things differently. Please don't expect me to explain away the things that bother you. Please don't expect me to take your approach to processing the gospel.
If you feel pain about these things, I'm so sorry. But I can't solve it, nor should I be expected to see things as you do. Your pain, your questions, your issues are for you and God to work through. He is the source of peace and truth. He can help you sort through these things, in His time and His way. I have my own things to sort through. Believe you me.
I cannot change what is in holy writ, nor do I want to. I cannot change Church structure, nor do I want to. I cannot change prophetic counsel and teachings about gender roles or other topics relative to women, nor do I want to.
Am I without questions? No. Do I wonder sometimes about policies, practices, or topics of preaching? Sometimes, yes. Are there things I don't fully understand? Of course. But I don't expect to understand it all. I think it's plain wrong to expect to understand it all, especially without accepting what we already have been given. And the more I rejoice in and embrace what I DO know, the more things make sense to me.
What I DO know is that God is a loving, perfect God, that "all that He has" awaits us all if we follow His plan and His Son. The Church is true. God's authority is here, the ordinances of salvation are here, the doctrines of salvation are here, prophets live and teach and preach today. Their teachings won't always gel with the isms of the secular world. That should be expected. The texts won't always be neat and easy to process intellectually. That should be expected.
Elder Maxwell used to say something like if God promises all He has, "brothers and sisters, there isn't any more." I believe the prophets and the scriptures and the beauty found in temple ordinances that teach that God has promised us -- women and men -- all He has. What more could we want? We -- women and men -- have all we need to be able to receive all those blessings. ALL of the ordinances necessary for eternal life are here, on the earth, binding us to God for eternity if we will receive them and receive Him and His Son. Those blessings are what my last post was about. At some point, I see absolutely no reason to look for reasons to doubt those blessings or to take issue with things that don't seem to fit nicely and neatly into these core doctrines of the gospel. We are mortal. Things of God won't always make sense. But wow. What does and can make sense is pretty glorious in my experience.
And so, I rejoice in that.
Therefore, lift up your heads, and rejoice, and put your atrust in bGod, in that God who was the God of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob; and also, that God who cbrought the children of dIsrael out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red eSea on dry ground, and fed them with fmanna that they might not perish in the wilderness; and many more things did he do for them.
[S]hall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. aCourage...and on, on to the victory! Let your hearts rejoice, and be exceedingly glad. Let the earth break forth into bsinging. Let the cdead speak forth anthems of eternal praise to the dKing Immanuel, who hath ordained, before the world was, that which would enable us to eredeem them out of their fprison ; for the prisoners shall go free.
Let the amountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid brocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the cmorning stars sing together, and let all the [children] of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and dimmortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!
Friday, March 05, 2010
Finding God in the Space Between Pain and Resolution
I don't have much time to write, but wanted to capture this concept that is pressing on my soul....
So often, we seek God for relief, to have challenges, pain, cognitive dissonance -- whatever is causing us grief -- taken away, solved, fixed. I think it's easy to read of healings and miracles and somehow translate them to equating God's power with complete resolution of problems and pain.
While sometimes such complete miracles do happen, I'm feeling more and more that we really learn to find God and His power in the times when resolution and solution don't present themselves as desired. Such tensions require really leaning on God, trusting in His timetable, letting go of our wills and expectations and trying to let Him mold our souls.
At least that is what I am feeling in my own life. I see enough in my life, both in the present and especially in the aggregate of the past, to KNOW that He is there and very involved in my life. But answers and help have often not come in immediate moments, and sometimes unfold over years, even decades. And some problems I have had since childhood (like issues with mental illness) are still affecting my life in significant ways. There is just so much messiness in this mortal life of ours, and I feel my soul stretching as I learn what of that mess I should focus on right now, and what I need to let go of for now -- to let some of it just be messy and trust that through the Atonement, resolution will come, either in this life or the next. Enduring well is my job, not necessarily fixing it all.
I think the times I have felt most distant from God are the times I have demanded resolution in MY way. I have felt close to Him as I see His hand in direct and miraculous ways, but also as I trust in the fact that He is there even when I don't see as much of that direct intervention.
Mortality is such a journey. Walking by faith is hard work.
But it's good work when I can see it for what it is, in the light of the eternal plan of God.
So often, we seek God for relief, to have challenges, pain, cognitive dissonance -- whatever is causing us grief -- taken away, solved, fixed. I think it's easy to read of healings and miracles and somehow translate them to equating God's power with complete resolution of problems and pain.
While sometimes such complete miracles do happen, I'm feeling more and more that we really learn to find God and His power in the times when resolution and solution don't present themselves as desired. Such tensions require really leaning on God, trusting in His timetable, letting go of our wills and expectations and trying to let Him mold our souls.
At least that is what I am feeling in my own life. I see enough in my life, both in the present and especially in the aggregate of the past, to KNOW that He is there and very involved in my life. But answers and help have often not come in immediate moments, and sometimes unfold over years, even decades. And some problems I have had since childhood (like issues with mental illness) are still affecting my life in significant ways. There is just so much messiness in this mortal life of ours, and I feel my soul stretching as I learn what of that mess I should focus on right now, and what I need to let go of for now -- to let some of it just be messy and trust that through the Atonement, resolution will come, either in this life or the next. Enduring well is my job, not necessarily fixing it all.
I think the times I have felt most distant from God are the times I have demanded resolution in MY way. I have felt close to Him as I see His hand in direct and miraculous ways, but also as I trust in the fact that He is there even when I don't see as much of that direct intervention.
Mortality is such a journey. Walking by faith is hard work.
But it's good work when I can see it for what it is, in the light of the eternal plan of God.
[Heavenly Father and the Savior, Jesus Christ] sustain us in our hour of need—and always will, even if we cannot recognize that intervention. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. Of that I personally attest. I thank my Father in Heaven for His goodness past, present, and future.... -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
The Patriarchal Order as a Good Thing
In the many years of being involved in discussions about women's issues (particularly in the context of the Mormon Church), I've found that there are a few terms that make feminists' hairs stand up on end. Patriarchy is one of them.
It's understandable, of course. There are brands of patriarchy that are oppressive and potentially very awful. There are cultures where men see women more as possessions than people and lord over them in various ways.
But that isn't the model of patriarchy in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And yet, too me, it feels like sometimes the emotional and mental reactions to the word prevent open and meaningful discussion about what we mean when we talk about patriarchy (or, better said, imo, the patriarchal order) in LDS doctrine.
Now, of course, I can only share my perspective on this, as I have no authority whatsoever to declare doctrine, but I want to suggest that we consider carefully what our doctrine teaches about the purpose of life, about the nature of God, about the purpose of the temple, and about the value of women (and men, of course) in the whole of God's work.
When women's issues are discussed, a lot of focus is often given to Church structure and function. "Well," some assert, "Since women don't hold priesthood office and thus don't hold many of the leadership callings" (even though they do have many opportunities to lead and teach...a topic for another day) "it therefore follows that women are less valued to God and to the Church."
But God's plan involves so much more than just who does what in the Church. I think it's ever-important to realize that the Church exists as a means to an end, not an end in and of itself. What is the end?
In Doctrine and Covenants 131, we read:
“In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
“And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
“And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
“He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase” (D&C 131:1–4).
Elder Cree L. Kofford said this about the scripture:
It's understandable, of course. There are brands of patriarchy that are oppressive and potentially very awful. There are cultures where men see women more as possessions than people and lord over them in various ways.
But that isn't the model of patriarchy in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And yet, too me, it feels like sometimes the emotional and mental reactions to the word prevent open and meaningful discussion about what we mean when we talk about patriarchy (or, better said, imo, the patriarchal order) in LDS doctrine.
Now, of course, I can only share my perspective on this, as I have no authority whatsoever to declare doctrine, but I want to suggest that we consider carefully what our doctrine teaches about the purpose of life, about the nature of God, about the purpose of the temple, and about the value of women (and men, of course) in the whole of God's work.
When women's issues are discussed, a lot of focus is often given to Church structure and function. "Well," some assert, "Since women don't hold priesthood office and thus don't hold many of the leadership callings" (even though they do have many opportunities to lead and teach...a topic for another day) "it therefore follows that women are less valued to God and to the Church."
But God's plan involves so much more than just who does what in the Church. I think it's ever-important to realize that the Church exists as a means to an end, not an end in and of itself. What is the end?
In Doctrine and Covenants 131, we read:
“In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees;
“And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage];
“And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.
“He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase” (D&C 131:1–4).
Elder Cree L. Kofford said this about the scripture:
Many people reading this section of the Doctrine and Covenants do not grasp its full import. ... The gospel, which is called “the new and everlasting covenant,” includes many specific covenants, one being called “the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.” This title, or name, is simply another way of saying “patriarchal order.” Thus, that portion of section 131 could read: “And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into the patriarchal order of the priesthood.”In short, to me the patriarchal order is a good thing (understatement), because it's about an eternal marriage partnership -- about the greatest blessings God has for His children that are sealed on a married couple. The patriarchal order is about a man and woman joined together and, through the sealing of the Holy Spirit of Promise to be enabled to "...inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths...and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever" (D&C 132:19, emphasis added).
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Finding Calm in the Commotion
Haiti. It's on all of our minds, and for most of us, it's in a helpless sort of way. We're too far away, without the time or means to really make more than the tiniest dent by sending a meager offering somewhere. And praying. Oh, yes, we are praying.
I'm also pondering. A lot. Pondering how it is that I should even be able to continue my day-to-day life of getting children from here to there, doing dishes (I own dishes -- I feel guilty about owning dishes and having food to put on them!), doing laundry (I own clothing! Nevermind my turbo washing machine!), looking at the bathrooms that need to be cleaned (I have more than one bathroom! In my house! With running water!). Speaking of water, I can get a drink of clean water, for crying out loud. Anytime I want to, from a faucet in my kitchen (or my bathroom(s)). (At least for now. Is anyone else feeling a little bit of fear?)
You know what I mean. Right?
And yet, I think of the scriptures that tell us that in these last days as we prepare for the Lord's second coming, things will both be in commotion and yet also continue to be normal -- people "marrying and given and marriage" and all of that. And I can't help but feel this tragedy in Haiti is a little example of what that means. I know that the Lord expects me to pray and weep and mourn for those who mourn, and to do what I can to help relief suffering of the poor and needy. But I also don't think He expects us all to somehow stop normal life -- if we have it. I think we each at different times will be living the normalish stuff of life, and at other times, be experiencing more of the commotion. And we never know from one minute to the next on which end of the spectrum we might find ourselves. (Again, it's hard not to feel fear even saying that.)
It's all part of this thing we call mortality.
I got an email tonight from a friend who has done service in Haiti. She shared with me the tragic story about her friend who has lost her mother, and possibly her brother. Her mother was buried in the rubble of a hospital after she had re-entered the building to save others. This young college student recently lost a sister in an accident, and now she is facing the heart-wrenching reality of knowing her mother is gone and considering that her brother might be too. And that her country, her home, is in shambles.
It's hard to even process the whys of these things. It's hard to process the breadth and depth of the suffering and grief caused at times like this. The intensity at the individual level is almost more than I can bear (such as when I hear stories like the one sent by my friend), but the collective suffering is really just intolerably overwhelming. And then, to realize that this kind of suffering happens in other ways all over the world, in large- and small-scale ways -- I can't do it. I simply can't go there for more than a millisecond before feeling the weight of it all.
It could consume any of us. And sometimes it might if we let it.
I, with Nephi, know God loves his children, but I know I don't know the meaning of all things. And I know that no pat answer can ever assuage the grief people feel at this time. But one thing that does bring me some measure of peace and perspective is to realize that the breadth and depth of the suffering can remind us of the breadth and depth of the Atonement. Only Christ can eventually make these things fully right. He is the one who was sent to bind our wounds, wipe away our tears, heal the broken-hearted, and swallow up the sting of death.
I will never stop caring, praying, and seeking to find ways to help. I will not turn a blind eye just because the suffering is difficult to process. But in the end, I know of no other way to fully face the devastation and difficulty that life can bring without holding fast to my faith in the Savior. It is my anchor in times of personal and global difficulty.
And I feel myself needing to dig ever deeper to anchor myself more fully in Him.
I'm also pondering. A lot. Pondering how it is that I should even be able to continue my day-to-day life of getting children from here to there, doing dishes (I own dishes -- I feel guilty about owning dishes and having food to put on them!), doing laundry (I own clothing! Nevermind my turbo washing machine!), looking at the bathrooms that need to be cleaned (I have more than one bathroom! In my house! With running water!). Speaking of water, I can get a drink of clean water, for crying out loud. Anytime I want to, from a faucet in my kitchen (or my bathroom(s)). (At least for now. Is anyone else feeling a little bit of fear?)
You know what I mean. Right?
And yet, I think of the scriptures that tell us that in these last days as we prepare for the Lord's second coming, things will both be in commotion and yet also continue to be normal -- people "marrying and given and marriage" and all of that. And I can't help but feel this tragedy in Haiti is a little example of what that means. I know that the Lord expects me to pray and weep and mourn for those who mourn, and to do what I can to help relief suffering of the poor and needy. But I also don't think He expects us all to somehow stop normal life -- if we have it. I think we each at different times will be living the normalish stuff of life, and at other times, be experiencing more of the commotion. And we never know from one minute to the next on which end of the spectrum we might find ourselves. (Again, it's hard not to feel fear even saying that.)
It's all part of this thing we call mortality.
I got an email tonight from a friend who has done service in Haiti. She shared with me the tragic story about her friend who has lost her mother, and possibly her brother. Her mother was buried in the rubble of a hospital after she had re-entered the building to save others. This young college student recently lost a sister in an accident, and now she is facing the heart-wrenching reality of knowing her mother is gone and considering that her brother might be too. And that her country, her home, is in shambles.
It's hard to even process the whys of these things. It's hard to process the breadth and depth of the suffering and grief caused at times like this. The intensity at the individual level is almost more than I can bear (such as when I hear stories like the one sent by my friend), but the collective suffering is really just intolerably overwhelming. And then, to realize that this kind of suffering happens in other ways all over the world, in large- and small-scale ways -- I can't do it. I simply can't go there for more than a millisecond before feeling the weight of it all.
It could consume any of us. And sometimes it might if we let it.
I, with Nephi, know God loves his children, but I know I don't know the meaning of all things. And I know that no pat answer can ever assuage the grief people feel at this time. But one thing that does bring me some measure of peace and perspective is to realize that the breadth and depth of the suffering can remind us of the breadth and depth of the Atonement. Only Christ can eventually make these things fully right. He is the one who was sent to bind our wounds, wipe away our tears, heal the broken-hearted, and swallow up the sting of death.
I will never stop caring, praying, and seeking to find ways to help. I will not turn a blind eye just because the suffering is difficult to process. But in the end, I know of no other way to fully face the devastation and difficulty that life can bring without holding fast to my faith in the Savior. It is my anchor in times of personal and global difficulty.
And I feel myself needing to dig ever deeper to anchor myself more fully in Him.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Moses 1 as another sort of Fall story?
As we sat in Sunday School this past week, I had some thoughts that excited me.
First of all, I love love love the way Moses comes to know who he really is, and how he discerns between the light, love, purity, power, and goodness of God in contrast with the darkness, hate, counterfeit everything, puniness, and evil of the devil.
But Moses still has to work really hard to not succumb to the fear and bitterness that the devil brought into his experience.
And it felt as I pondered the story that there was a progression of how Moses responded, perhaps a mini creation-fall-atonement sort of story...with accompanying insights into how to overcome the influence of the devil (the fall) and progress spiritually.
First, he says, "I can judge between thee and God." I love that. He uses doctrine ("God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten") to stand up to the temptation.
I love, too, how Moses is anxious to get more revelation. He says, "I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him."
Twice he tells Satan to get/depart hence.
But then Satan seems to step it up a notch. Not seems, he does. He rants ("upon the earth" - hm, interesting phrase) and pretends to be Christ. (Makes my skin crawl just writing that.)
And Moses feels great fear, which causes him to see the "bitterness of hell."
It's a good thing that Moses had decided not to cease calling upon God, because it was only that that allowed him to have strength to, again, tell Satan to depart. He overcame the power of fear and had faith strengthened.
But the devil was not about to give up. He trembled, and the earth shook (again, interesting that the text talks about the impact on the earth, not just on Moses). This time, Moses received strength first (hm...) and then, "in the name of the Only Begotten" told Satan to depart.
It feels to me as though, over the course of this interaction, Moses gains more confidence and strength, to the point where he is able, through the power of the Christ and His Atonement -- using the name of Jesus Christ, even -- to overcome the adversary, and come again to a point where he could behold and enjoy the glory, presence, light, and blessings of God.
To me, this story feels a bit like a type of our own journey, the same sort of type that we get in the Adam and Eve story. First, Moses sees the wonder of God's creation. He is able to be in the presence of God for a while, but then that presence was withdrawn. While he was not left completely alone (v. 15 said that God's Spirit had not completely withdrawn), he was left to learn by his own experience to distinguish between light and truth and the evil one - and to act upon the light and truth. It took repetition, consistency, trust in doctrine, discernment, faith in Christ, obedience to commandments, and consistent prayer and spiritual effort to overcome the temptations of the devil. Each time as he leaned on the Lord, he received the strength -- even successively more strength, I think -- to come off the victor. As he was able to finally get Satan to leave his presence, he was blessed to behold the glory of God again, he was chosen to do God's work (to be a deliverer, one of my favorite types of Christ), and was given what seems similar to the sealing power (v. 25).
Elder McConkie once said that
First of all, I love love love the way Moses comes to know who he really is, and how he discerns between the light, love, purity, power, and goodness of God in contrast with the darkness, hate, counterfeit everything, puniness, and evil of the devil.
But Moses still has to work really hard to not succumb to the fear and bitterness that the devil brought into his experience.
And it felt as I pondered the story that there was a progression of how Moses responded, perhaps a mini creation-fall-atonement sort of story...with accompanying insights into how to overcome the influence of the devil (the fall) and progress spiritually.
First, he says, "I can judge between thee and God." I love that. He uses doctrine ("God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten") to stand up to the temptation.
I love, too, how Moses is anxious to get more revelation. He says, "I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him."
Twice he tells Satan to get/depart hence.
But then Satan seems to step it up a notch. Not seems, he does. He rants ("upon the earth" - hm, interesting phrase) and pretends to be Christ. (Makes my skin crawl just writing that.)
And Moses feels great fear, which causes him to see the "bitterness of hell."
It's a good thing that Moses had decided not to cease calling upon God, because it was only that that allowed him to have strength to, again, tell Satan to depart. He overcame the power of fear and had faith strengthened.
But the devil was not about to give up. He trembled, and the earth shook (again, interesting that the text talks about the impact on the earth, not just on Moses). This time, Moses received strength first (hm...) and then, "in the name of the Only Begotten" told Satan to depart.
It feels to me as though, over the course of this interaction, Moses gains more confidence and strength, to the point where he is able, through the power of the Christ and His Atonement -- using the name of Jesus Christ, even -- to overcome the adversary, and come again to a point where he could behold and enjoy the glory, presence, light, and blessings of God.
To me, this story feels a bit like a type of our own journey, the same sort of type that we get in the Adam and Eve story. First, Moses sees the wonder of God's creation. He is able to be in the presence of God for a while, but then that presence was withdrawn. While he was not left completely alone (v. 15 said that God's Spirit had not completely withdrawn), he was left to learn by his own experience to distinguish between light and truth and the evil one - and to act upon the light and truth. It took repetition, consistency, trust in doctrine, discernment, faith in Christ, obedience to commandments, and consistent prayer and spiritual effort to overcome the temptations of the devil. Each time as he leaned on the Lord, he received the strength -- even successively more strength, I think -- to come off the victor. As he was able to finally get Satan to leave his presence, he was blessed to behold the glory of God again, he was chosen to do God's work (to be a deliverer, one of my favorite types of Christ), and was given what seems similar to the sealing power (v. 25).
Elder McConkie once said that
God himself, the Father of us all, established a plan of salvation whereby his spirit children might progress and become like him. It is the gospel of God, the plan of Eternal Elohim, the system that saves and exalts, and it consists of three things. These three are the very pillars of eternity itself. They are the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement.I see all three pillars in this wonderful chapter, Moses 1. And in it I see much wisdom in how we can overcome temptation, learn through faith and obedience to discern light from darkness, receive spiritual strength to face temptation, and come to know more and more about God, the creation, the atonement, and the purposes of life.
Monday, December 28, 2009
What does it mean to be feminine?
A new YW Personal Progress Program will be coming out soon. The new books will be pink. The color choice is very deliberate. Sister Dalton explains:
Even though I think sometimes it's hard to talk about what femininity is (language is limited, or at least can be (very) charged, as seen sometimes when the topic of femininity is discussed and frustration is expressed about some teachings on the subject). And yet, femininity is valued and talked about by our leaders. (Sis. Dalton definitely isn't the first one to address this subject of femininity. See, for example, here, here, here, and here.)
FWIW, I grew up a tomboy (e.g., only girl in shop class, twice (sooo fun!); very active in sports growing up (including only girl playing basketball with the boys for recess way back when); had hobbies that were more masculine, like doing models; etc.). I studied a field that had an 80/20 ratio of men to women in the classroom, and ratios more on the male side professionally as well. I'm more naturally suited to a board room than a kitchen or nursery or Primary class. I am not instinctively a huge fan of pink (my baby blankie was blue...maybe that has something to do with it - hehe), and I don't particularly care for frills and trendy or girly stuff. And sometimes I can have a hard time processing what "feminine" should mean for me.
But I have found value in pondering how I might be able to be more feminine. I feel I can embrace that concept while still embracing my personality and interests. I don't know that I will ever be a "typical" female in some ways (whatever we think that may mean), but I do believe that there is power in rejoicing in the concept of femininity -- whatever God may guide each of us to discern what that means for us individually, magnifying unique gifts, talents, and strengths, not necessarily taking away from them.
I think sometimes these kinds of ideas (such as what it means to be feminine) are rejected outright because they either feel too vague, or because they may feel like cookie-cutters to some -- that somehow it's all about molds and stereotypes and expectations that we can't or don't fulfill. I think, rather, we can think of them as guideposts to carefully consider and prayerfully apply, as guided through the Spirit. Something may not seem to "fit" at first, but I think time and patience can sometimes show that even principles that didn't click initially can yield impiortant fruit.
As I think about it, I think the new youth theme ("Be strong and of a good courage") and the concept of femininity can actually go hand in hand. I say this because I believe there is power in womanhood. I've been pondering this concept for years, and although I can't fully articulate it all, I can say that I have felt very strongly the reality that women bring something unique and important to the plan of God -- both collectively and individually. And I think the more we can seek guidance in how to be more "feminine" the better instruments in God's hands we women can be.
So, as I ponder the word "soft," I think of things like the following:
Soft can be a soft answer (Prov 15:1) and soft words (Job 41:3) or a 'soft tongue' (Prov 25:15). (The Spirit's voice is sometimes described as soft, such as here or here.)
It can include a soft heart. (e.g., Job 23:16)
Or "lead[ing] on softly" (Gen. 33:14).
Or being a soft place for others to fall.
It could tie into being soft-spoken (hard for someone as opinionated and vocal as I can be).
I think it also has something to do with being (or seeking to be) nurturers. Think of the "soft" sciences, for example -- they have to do more with people and relationships. (I'm NOT saying that those fields are the only ones women should pursue -- I'm just mulling over the word "soft" and how it is sometimes used.)
More thoughts, anyone?
We are excited about the color of pink, because we think these young women are pink. They resonate to the softness and the femininity of that color. We want them to understand that they are soft, they are unique, they are feminine and that they don't have to be like the boys, to focus on femininity, on the softness of young women.That word "soft" is bugging some people. And yet, I think there is meaning we can get from mulling over it a bit. Here are some of my thoughts.
Even though I think sometimes it's hard to talk about what femininity is (language is limited, or at least can be (very) charged, as seen sometimes when the topic of femininity is discussed and frustration is expressed about some teachings on the subject). And yet, femininity is valued and talked about by our leaders. (Sis. Dalton definitely isn't the first one to address this subject of femininity. See, for example, here, here, here, and here.)
FWIW, I grew up a tomboy (e.g., only girl in shop class, twice (sooo fun!); very active in sports growing up (including only girl playing basketball with the boys for recess way back when); had hobbies that were more masculine, like doing models; etc.). I studied a field that had an 80/20 ratio of men to women in the classroom, and ratios more on the male side professionally as well. I'm more naturally suited to a board room than a kitchen or nursery or Primary class. I am not instinctively a huge fan of pink (my baby blankie was blue...maybe that has something to do with it - hehe), and I don't particularly care for frills and trendy or girly stuff. And sometimes I can have a hard time processing what "feminine" should mean for me.
But I have found value in pondering how I might be able to be more feminine. I feel I can embrace that concept while still embracing my personality and interests. I don't know that I will ever be a "typical" female in some ways (whatever we think that may mean), but I do believe that there is power in rejoicing in the concept of femininity -- whatever God may guide each of us to discern what that means for us individually, magnifying unique gifts, talents, and strengths, not necessarily taking away from them.
I think sometimes these kinds of ideas (such as what it means to be feminine) are rejected outright because they either feel too vague, or because they may feel like cookie-cutters to some -- that somehow it's all about molds and stereotypes and expectations that we can't or don't fulfill. I think, rather, we can think of them as guideposts to carefully consider and prayerfully apply, as guided through the Spirit. Something may not seem to "fit" at first, but I think time and patience can sometimes show that even principles that didn't click initially can yield impiortant fruit.
As I think about it, I think the new youth theme ("Be strong and of a good courage") and the concept of femininity can actually go hand in hand. I say this because I believe there is power in womanhood. I've been pondering this concept for years, and although I can't fully articulate it all, I can say that I have felt very strongly the reality that women bring something unique and important to the plan of God -- both collectively and individually. And I think the more we can seek guidance in how to be more "feminine" the better instruments in God's hands we women can be.
So, as I ponder the word "soft," I think of things like the following:
Soft can be a soft answer (Prov 15:1) and soft words (Job 41:3) or a 'soft tongue' (Prov 25:15). (The Spirit's voice is sometimes described as soft, such as here or here.)
It can include a soft heart. (e.g., Job 23:16)
Or "lead[ing] on softly" (Gen. 33:14).
Or being a soft place for others to fall.
It could tie into being soft-spoken (hard for someone as opinionated and vocal as I can be).
I think it also has something to do with being (or seeking to be) nurturers. Think of the "soft" sciences, for example -- they have to do more with people and relationships. (I'm NOT saying that those fields are the only ones women should pursue -- I'm just mulling over the word "soft" and how it is sometimes used.)
More thoughts, anyone?
Friday, December 25, 2009
An Unexpected Christmas Gift
As I wrapped presents and set them under the tree on Christmas Eve, I had the thought to keep some of the presents hidden away. I debated within myself, but finally decided I would. We wouldn't have a lot of time to open presents in the morning anyway, since we had to get up and get on our way to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Yes, that would work -- we'd spread our own little family's Christmas out a little -- after all, we've never been the rush-through-the-present-opening types. (I use Christmas as a time to give our children things they need -- I hold onto clothes and supplies and other practical things during the year and wrap them all up for the fun of it at Christmas.)
The children enjoyed having some unexpected gifts to open when we got home. But I enjoyed being able to enjoy the gift-opening. That little thought to hold off on some of the presents was a very unexpected little blessing for me.
You see, I have a sleep disorder, and I had taken some of my sleep meds to catch a couple more hours of sleep before leaving for my parents' home this morning. Before I went back to sleep, though, I spent precious time with my family while the children opened what was under the tree.
But I don't remember most of it.
You see, a side effect of the drug I take is the possibility of amnesia-like memory loss while the drug is active. It must have been a combination of the amount I had taken during the night in combination with the timing of the gift-giving (after the drug had already started to take effect), but it pretty much wiped out most of my memory of what happened this morning. (Yeah, I am still freaking out a little about it, actually. It's an awful feeling not to be able to pull the memories out of my head.)
And I am really sad.
Pres. Packer said this:
I love that part of Christmas, but I didn't get that gift this morning.
But because of that little thought to tuck away some presents, I got the gift tonight.
Who knows if that is the reason I had that thought last night to tuck away a few presents, but I'm grateful for the little tender mercy that it was to enjoy a few moments with my children - and to remember them!
As a p.s., I recommend that entire article by Pres. Packer. I hope to write more of my thoughts on it later.
The children enjoyed having some unexpected gifts to open when we got home. But I enjoyed being able to enjoy the gift-opening. That little thought to hold off on some of the presents was a very unexpected little blessing for me.
You see, I have a sleep disorder, and I had taken some of my sleep meds to catch a couple more hours of sleep before leaving for my parents' home this morning. Before I went back to sleep, though, I spent precious time with my family while the children opened what was under the tree.
But I don't remember most of it.
You see, a side effect of the drug I take is the possibility of amnesia-like memory loss while the drug is active. It must have been a combination of the amount I had taken during the night in combination with the timing of the gift-giving (after the drug had already started to take effect), but it pretty much wiped out most of my memory of what happened this morning. (Yeah, I am still freaking out a little about it, actually. It's an awful feeling not to be able to pull the memories out of my head.)
And I am really sad.
Pres. Packer said this:
I know of few things on this earth quite so celestial as the face of a little youngster, happy, hopeful, and believing, with Christmas almost here. That is the gift that children give to parents at Christmastime.
I love that part of Christmas, but I didn't get that gift this morning.
But because of that little thought to tuck away some presents, I got the gift tonight.
Who knows if that is the reason I had that thought last night to tuck away a few presents, but I'm grateful for the little tender mercy that it was to enjoy a few moments with my children - and to remember them!
As a p.s., I recommend that entire article by Pres. Packer. I hope to write more of my thoughts on it later.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Shawna Belt Edwards' "Do You Have Room?" video
Merry Christmas!
For sheet music or a free MP3, see here.
If you have a minute, read through some of the emails Shawna received this month after sharing her song and inviting people to share how they make room for the Savior.
For sheet music or a free MP3, see here.
If you have a minute, read through some of the emails Shawna received this month after sharing her song and inviting people to share how they make room for the Savior.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Do You Have Room for the Savior?
A friend of mine wrote this beautiful song. The video is no longer available, but you can listen to the song, find information about how to download a free MP3, and get free sheet music on Shawna Belt Edwards' home page here.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Overcoming Overparenting [edited]
I saw this Time article linked on a couple of blogs. It is a must-read for any parent. I'm not sure I agree with all their final conclusions, and while it can obviously go either way (if we celebrate our failures too much, we could end up justifying error that maybe we should correct), I do agree that our generation has swung more to the side of hyper-parenting.
This brought to mind Elder Oaks' talk, "Good, Better, Best." For example, he said:
Some quotes from the Time article that stood out. For example:
Sounds an awful lot like Joseph Smith's teach correct principles principle, doesn't it?
I won't quote any more...just go read it. And then let's talk. I don't believe there is one right way to parent (which is another point in the article -- we have to figure out what is right for our own families). But I do believe it's good to talk about these things.
So...How do *you* find a balance in guiding your children and helping them prepare for their futures, and letting them fly and learn and make mistakes -- and just be kids? What do you to do to simplify and carve out more family time? What do you do to not hover to the point of smothering?
This brought to mind Elder Oaks' talk, "Good, Better, Best." For example, he said:
The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated. Parents should act to preserve time for family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, and the other precious togetherness and individual one-on-one time that binds a family together and fixes children's values on things of eternal worth. Parents should teach gospel priorities through what they do with their children.[edited to add the following quote that came to mind after I posted...] That same general conference also included this wise counsel from Sister Beck that rings in my head often...from her "Mothers Who Know" talk:Family experts have warned against what they call "the overscheduling of children." In the last generation children are far busier and families spend far less time together. Among many measures of this disturbing trend are the reports that structured sports time has doubled, but children's free time has declined by 12 hours per week, and unstructured outdoor activities have fallen by 50 percent.2
The number of those who report that their "whole family usually eats dinner together" has declined 33 percent. This is most concerning because the time a family spends together "eating meals at home [is] the strongest predictor of children's academic achievement and psychological adjustment."3 Family mealtimes have also been shown to be a strong bulwark against children's smoking, drinking, or using drugs.4 There is inspired wisdom in this advice to parents: What your children really want for dinner is you.
Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world's goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.
Some quotes from the Time article that stood out. For example:
"I hope that we're getting away from the helicopter parenting," Meyer says. "Our philosophy is 'Give 'em the morals, give 'em the right start, but you've got to let them go.' They deserve to live their own lives."
Sounds an awful lot like Joseph Smith's teach correct principles principle, doesn't it?
I won't quote any more...just go read it. And then let's talk. I don't believe there is one right way to parent (which is another point in the article -- we have to figure out what is right for our own families). But I do believe it's good to talk about these things.
So...How do *you* find a balance in guiding your children and helping them prepare for their futures, and letting them fly and learn and make mistakes -- and just be kids? What do you to do to simplify and carve out more family time? What do you do to not hover to the point of smothering?
Monday, October 05, 2009
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
That was what could be heard at my house today. President Monson hadn't even finished the "Amen" of his concluding remarks when my children burst out in protest [no joke] at the fact that General Conference was over.
My sentiments exactly. What a marvelous weekend.
p.s. There's already lots of discussion going on, so I'm going to point you elsewhere to share your thoughts about Conference. Please consider sharing here (a missionary-minded site) to help those not of our faith understand more about what General Conference is all about, what was discussed, and what it means to us.
And for what is sure to be an uplifting discussion among members, see here.
My sentiments exactly. What a marvelous weekend.
p.s. There's already lots of discussion going on, so I'm going to point you elsewhere to share your thoughts about Conference. Please consider sharing here (a missionary-minded site) to help those not of our faith understand more about what General Conference is all about, what was discussed, and what it means to us.
And for what is sure to be an uplifting discussion among members, see here.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thoughts on Turning Hearts -- not to fathers or children this time, but to each other
My husband and I were talking in the car tonight about the gay marriage issue. One of the hardest things I see about the issue, and other issues, for that matter, is that there is too much of closed-mindedness on both 'sides' of these issues. It's too easy to REact without thinking, and without trying to let the Spirit guide choices and actions.
There are many examples that come to mind:
We don't have to *like* what someone is doing, saying, choosing, or believing, to at least show some respect for differing actions, words, choices, or beliefs. More often than not, when taking a step back from our initial reactions, I think we can usually see that there are holes in our understanding and perception. We ALL are dealing with incomplete pictures and fallen tendencies (our beams). There is, imo, a reason the Lord uses the council system in families and in the Church -- it's because none of us has a corner on truth. There is, imo, a reason we are commanded not to judge -- it's simply because we NEVER have all the information about someone else's heart or life or situation or layers or experiences. And our emotions and experiences -- even our positive ones -- can never can fully reflect the breadth and depth of what God sees and knows.
I know how easy it is to fall into this trap of REacting instead of choosing compassion and care and caution, but I am trying to do better, both in my personal life and also on more general issues, to not close my heart in anger, fear, or other negative emotions. (It's hard work! I fail too often, but I am trying!)
I think more clearly when I take a moment to try to care, to think of others with whom I may disagree or who may have triggered an emotion in me somehow (intentionally or not) as a child of God. I am blessed when I try to stop to realize and remember what anger and closed-mindedness do to my spirit and to relationships, and to my ability to have compassion and to understand beyond my own limited experiences and understanding.
At some point, we will all do what we feel is best, to act on what we know and believe. Sometimes our conclusions or choices will differ. There will always be issues upon which there will be disagreement. Examples are plentiful in our political, cultural, and social climate, and are also present in the Church.
We are all children of God, and ALL deserve respect, kindness, and love -- even when there is disagreement. I believe the best progress is made toward truth when dialogue can take place, even -- and perhaps especially -- when there is disagreement. This requires open-hearts and respect on BOTH sides. Always. "Us" vs. "Them" thinking so often leads to wrong-headed REaction. Without open hearts, we restrict potential for personal and general progress, and, imo, stunt our spiritual growth.
And there are still so many commonalities that we can enjoy, even if and as we disagree on some issues.
That reminds me of something Pres. Eyring said:
I believe part of the natural man is to REact without seeking that kind of peacemaking. We are wired to self-protect, and will often use whatever tactic to accomplish that protection -- often without thinking, without giving the Spirit a chance to work with us and guide us.
I know I have fallen into reactive trap too often. Again, I am committed to trying to be better, to check my heart more often and more honestly.
Whaddya think? Wanna join me in this effort?
p.s. One of the BEST books I have ever read that has helped me understand mortal reactive and closed-hearted tendencies is The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Group. This book dissects our mortal tendency to go to war with each other with our closed hearts. The book is on my list of the top five books that have had the greatest impact on my life. Were I not big on trying hard to respect others' agency, I would say it should be required reading for all humans. :)
There are many examples that come to mind:
- I saw it with the recent reaction to Pres. Obama's speech to children about education. Truth be told, I'm not a fan of Pres. Obama. Even as I can understand the initial response of concern, I was deeply, deeply disappointed that parents sought to shut down the chance for children to hear a message about education from our president. It was a chance to respect the office, and even to talk about how we don't have to agree with someone to show respect for them and listen to them. I think our children need to see us modeling reasoned, respectful handling of hard issues, and of responding to those with whom we disagree. I know I can do better in this regard in general, and it is my goal to do so.
- Another example of emotional reaction that I think created some problems was with the Big Love episode on the temple ceremony. Even as I, too, was disappointed (even shocked) to hear that this was going to happen, I felt there was too much emotional reaction that actually added fuel to the fire.
- This reminds me of emails that are forwarded without thinking, without checking, without caring about details. (snopes.com is great {wink}) BUT -- haha -- in writing that, I realize that sometimes my annoyed reaction to such lack of checking reflects a way I can open my heart more. SO WHAT if someone sends me such an email? I can choose to ignore or check it out myself, right? :) Really, don't I have better things to do than to get frustrated when someone sends something they happened to enjoy, and they send it because I'm on their list of people they love and care about?? Yes, I do, and I should take a moment to check my heart and trust theirs.
- On this issue of SSA/SSM, I have seen closed-minded and unkind statements made by those against SSM. It's most disturbing to me in the Church, but worries me at any level. Such unkindness is contrary to the Church's teachings, and contrary to the Church's position -- even as their position re: gay marriage and homosexual behavior is clear. On the flip side, I have seen closed hearts and minds from those who support SSM. Too often, assumptions and accusations are made that are unfair and often untrue. To label all those who support the Church's position and/or those who have taken positions on measures such as Prop 8 as hateful homophobes is unfair and unkind, and not helpful to the cause of respect, dialogue, and agreeing to disagree.
- I see this dynamic in discussions on hot topics like educating our children, childbirth, efforts toward healthy living, plastic surgery, family/work balance decisions, and myriad (!!) other topics. So much of things like these are about respecting and understanding agency. Even as there are guidelines and principles (take general Church teachings about caring for our bodies, for example, or about the importance of mothers' primary role as nurturer), we really have no room to judge others' choices, OR to insist that our personal choices reflect absolute truth that should be chosen by (or imposed on) others.
- I saw emotional reaction to Sister Beck's Mothers Who Know talk. (I have been online discussing LDS women's issues for nearly 15 years. I dare say I have never seen such a reaction, and it was very disappointing to me.) Before people really even had taken time to process the message, the internet was awash with angry vents and criticism of and misrepresentations of Sister Beck and her words. (Please note: I understand completely how painful mommy (and other) guilt is. And I even felt some of that creeping in when she talked. Fortunately, in this case, the Spirit had already been teaching me and preparing me to hear what she was *really* saying. I *know* how hard it can be to feel the pangs of guilt. And I have had my moments of wanting to throw an Ensign or a lesson out the window. But when I compare those REactions to how I feel when the Spirit is softening my heart and helping me to see things -- and myself -- as they/I really are/am...the difference is night and day! The kind of self-destructive guilt we often feel is not others' fault, and not of God. The Spirit helps calm my initial reactions and helps me process things more clearly. I'm working hard (and it IS hard work) to try to check my REactions and to test them according to the tests we have been given (see, for example, this one). To try to ACT and not be acted upon by my emotions, not at least without seeking the Spirit's guidance.
We don't have to *like* what someone is doing, saying, choosing, or believing, to at least show some respect for differing actions, words, choices, or beliefs. More often than not, when taking a step back from our initial reactions, I think we can usually see that there are holes in our understanding and perception. We ALL are dealing with incomplete pictures and fallen tendencies (our beams). There is, imo, a reason the Lord uses the council system in families and in the Church -- it's because none of us has a corner on truth. There is, imo, a reason we are commanded not to judge -- it's simply because we NEVER have all the information about someone else's heart or life or situation or layers or experiences. And our emotions and experiences -- even our positive ones -- can never can fully reflect the breadth and depth of what God sees and knows.
I know how easy it is to fall into this trap of REacting instead of choosing compassion and care and caution, but I am trying to do better, both in my personal life and also on more general issues, to not close my heart in anger, fear, or other negative emotions. (It's hard work! I fail too often, but I am trying!)
I think more clearly when I take a moment to try to care, to think of others with whom I may disagree or who may have triggered an emotion in me somehow (intentionally or not) as a child of God. I am blessed when I try to stop to realize and remember what anger and closed-mindedness do to my spirit and to relationships, and to my ability to have compassion and to understand beyond my own limited experiences and understanding.
At some point, we will all do what we feel is best, to act on what we know and believe. Sometimes our conclusions or choices will differ. There will always be issues upon which there will be disagreement. Examples are plentiful in our political, cultural, and social climate, and are also present in the Church.
We are all children of God, and ALL deserve respect, kindness, and love -- even when there is disagreement. I believe the best progress is made toward truth when dialogue can take place, even -- and perhaps especially -- when there is disagreement. This requires open-hearts and respect on BOTH sides. Always. "Us" vs. "Them" thinking so often leads to wrong-headed REaction. Without open hearts, we restrict potential for personal and general progress, and, imo, stunt our spiritual growth.
And there are still so many commonalities that we can enjoy, even if and as we disagree on some issues.
That reminds me of something Pres. Eyring said:
You could be one of those peacemakers, whether you are in the conflict or an observer.
One way I have seen it done is to search for anything on which we agree. To be that peacemaker, you need to have the simple faith that as children of God, with all our differences, it is likely that in a strong position we take, there will be elements of truth. The great peacemaker, the restorer of unity, is the one who finds a way to help people see the truth they share. That truth they share is always greater and more important to them than their differences. You can help yourself and others to see that common ground if you ask for help from God and then act. He will answer your prayer to help restore peace, as He has mine.
That same principle applies as we build unity with people who are from vastly different backgrounds. The children of God have more in common than they have differences. And even the differences can be seen as an opportunity. God will help us see a difference in someone else not as a source of irritation but as a contribution. The Lord can help you see and value what another person brings which you lack. More than once the Lord has helped me see His kindness in giving me association with someone whose difference from me was just the help I needed. That has been the Lord’s way of adding something I lacked to serve Him better.
I believe part of the natural man is to REact without seeking that kind of peacemaking. We are wired to self-protect, and will often use whatever tactic to accomplish that protection -- often without thinking, without giving the Spirit a chance to work with us and guide us.
I know I have fallen into reactive trap too often. Again, I am committed to trying to be better, to check my heart more often and more honestly.
Whaddya think? Wanna join me in this effort?
p.s. One of the BEST books I have ever read that has helped me understand mortal reactive and closed-hearted tendencies is The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Group. This book dissects our mortal tendency to go to war with each other with our closed hearts. The book is on my list of the top five books that have had the greatest impact on my life. Were I not big on trying hard to respect others' agency, I would say it should be required reading for all humans. :)
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